If I Can

[M-A-D]

Im so weeded, even the drug dealers fear me
interceded,greaven they they do-
-cartwheales when they here me
im nearly mearly the faintest, guy you ever come across,
near me cant see in the cafiter look anchist,
lie never one to cross,frame this im not dangerous
i dont have to take this, get pissed let it everopate into mist
did an autopsy on my wrist ..............while im still alive
i get angry wither and rive- nearly stung to death after sticking my head in to a be hive
i thrive on anguish your liver and pain im in sain forever vain
sever your vain, let the blod drain into a drain,
washed away in the rain, start a fight with a great Dain, cas i got nothing to eat, got claws insteada feet, bluffing in my seat tryin to keep a poker, face crazy with mace, got the principal on my case about an empty case that i missplaced jumped in a base of acid found dead at the botom of lake placid
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=288511
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=288240

[Wireless]

This was interesting...


FIRST OFF:

Try centering your verses, and changing your font up..It just hurts my eyes to look at the structure of this.

Now to the verse:

It lacked at times...The opening wasn't amazing, but I saw a few good parts towards the middle of your OM. Your rhyme scheme didn't impress me at all, try keeping it normal, and using more internals (multi's..).

Also, try expanding on your vocabulary...I saw some good vocab, but it still could stand for some work...Your flow was ok..I see potential, but you're going to have to work on your OM's a lot more.

[LamaGod]

dont center your verses man, thats not a good thing. so keep doing what your doing. I only say that cause I noticed the dude before said to center your verses, and naaa. centering verses makes people look newbish.

but yo onto your verse. I liked the flow for the most part, had some good wording, and some aight lines. you started off better than you ended. at the end you kinda started stretching your lines and the flow wasnt that good. but yeaa as a whole this was aight man

"m so weeded, even the drug dealers fear me
interceded,greaven they they do-
-cartwheales when they here me
im nearly mearly the faintest, guy you ever come across,
near me cant see in the cafiter look anchist,
lie never one to cross,frame this im not dangerous
i dont have to take this, get pissed let it everopate into mist"

^felt that most.

[M-A-D]

thx man nice one upping

[Pusha C]

i think the verse was o.k but the structure was off i think in om your structure should be on point

[QaaHolic]

good shit i like it but bad structure but keep it up