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Thread: The Fickle War

  1. #1
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    The Fickle War

    The Fickle War
    The battering of drums, the marching of boots create the war song
    Boots on bodies, feet’s on face…crumpled predecessors midst the throng
    The delicate blade of feathers colliding with the rough ruthless knifes
    Dried faced soldiers choked with the emotions from longing letters of wife’s
    The autistic generals pull the puppets to become the martyr cannon fodders
    Brave upon brave youth die at the cowardly attempts of missile loggers
    The scene is set let me welcome you to the escapades of War
    No there are no thrills partner, just blood, death & Gore

    General of Hades Army

    Rattle of guns is all I hear, but that’s what I’m here for, see gore
    Loyal to the birth land, promised women through rape, murder or more
    Rise victorious in this just crusade, those bastards dared to confront us
    My home, the blessed land, shall leave trails of militants in the Sahara dust
    I have morals, yet all is fair in love and war, no fickle fate or destiny
    I notice a modest lady whole soon become my war whore, my war booty
    I shall first invade the mental barriers of those who oppose
    My men then shall physically destroy defenceless rows
    I am the general, generalise and mislead my men
    To commit sins, while I lay safe in my den


    Foot Soldier of Hades Army

    I rise above the ranks, unleash a round from my mind
    Towards the enemy banks, gun and body entwined
    Messages from elders instruct the moral maniac to act
    Against the rights and wills of UN, a self created pact
    An eye for an eye, therefore I shall sow the bodily seeds
    The tempest in the sky, tells I shall reap the bloody deeds
    I have no regrets, I shall shoot till the human body can bare
    Stare at the gun flare air infused with hate no love nor care
    No care....for I chose the path of the man to sin and lie
    Live by the gun, die by the gun, real life partner..........
    .................bullet shreds the temples, I crumple and lie


    Authors Comments

    Predicting downfalls calls men to understand that evil fights as good
    ………..Dark as light……….
    The army that fights against hordes of pollution left by militants
    Would rather kill, enjoy the shrivelled fruits of war, whilst claiming innocence

  2. #2
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  3. #3
    The Beat Of Philly QaaHolic's Avatar
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    nice setup good flow
    Wicked Wicked Wicked


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  4. #4
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    preciate the mere complements you had to spare

  5. #5
    Soule
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    The flow was nice. I ilked the wordplay in this stiry. Had some Ill metaphores in here. And the plot was great. 9-10 piece. Keep it up man can't wait for future releases.

  6. #6
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    preciate the comments
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  7. #7
    ф»¤Tier One Crew¤«ф Summit Ave.'s Avatar
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    This Piece Was Very Good. The Flow Was Good. Vocab Was Great. I Liked The Way You Used Wordplay An Got Into Detail's With Your Writing As Well. Rhyming With More Then Syllables Was Another Plus In My Book. It Was Creative How You Bolded The Title's Of Each Paragraph. Normally I Tend To Leave Feedback On How They Could Improve But In Your Case There Is'nt Really Anything I Could Say.

    -Mystique

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    I've Created A Monster
    -Eminem

  8. #8
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Much preciated...and thanks for taking out the time na mean

  9. #9
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Last uppin' for the day
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  10. #10
    Ennnhh what up doc Sin~A~Matic's Avatar
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    MY GOD

    This was a intrsting piece the flow was nice the imagery on point and vivid the vocab was preety gud. the three parts of the piece made brake it up and re fresh the idea of war I enjoyed reading this pz very well done keep at it

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  11. #11
    NONCENTZ AKA WORD~PERFECT noncentz's Avatar
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    my fam pak what da deal kiddo yo this was mad solid you started with a match and ended up settiong a forest fire i only see you elivating fam fo realz
    to love something,is to die for it ,if you do, your a martyr , but these days music is morbid, false carters ..prohet's for prophet no lie, look how our last martyr was crucified. to put it in it symplicity, you aint true...you wouldnt sacrifice a few dollars for authenticity..

  12. #12
    Origanally Posted By .JAY.
    The flow was nice. I ilked the wordplay in this stiry. Had some Ill metaphores in here. And the plot was great. 9-10 piece. Keep it up man can't wait for future releases.
    I agree 100% with jay on this one

  13. #13
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    niceee format yo......flow's smmooth.......good wording and vocab as usual.............good content.going deep....i'd like to have seen more multies i guess just my pleasing neways........had sum cool wordplays as well f'sho.......n yeah i like the extra explicities in this joint ........some nice internals. and aliterations was on point............mettas was winging sickly.......... dope status ending as well just totaly topped of the piece.......imagery was on....... all in all everything is mos def on point. dope riveting read of high quality.

    mos def deserved of HOF or even legends

    stay 1

  14. #14
    The Beat Of Philly QaaHolic's Avatar
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    booooooooo it stinks
    Wicked Wicked Wicked


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  15. #15
    The Beat Of Philly QaaHolic's Avatar
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    sike that join was hot good fllow and good structure
    Wicked Wicked Wicked


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