People under the stairs

Monday, March 25 at 8:47pm

The lingering winter chills
spill into their splintered sills;
shivering cold; the solstice
holds its gnomes against their will-
as their cheeks begin to fair,
the glaring season blooms bare
and the daring leave their tombs, there:
In the snow covered under brush
so the others know their dooms near.

They've got to stop freeze now,
the looming frost is leaving body counts
through the roof and on these frowns!
Frozen icicles fall from the holes of the
gnomes little noses with hypothermia;
Faces grow pale and their home's failed
under the hail and damaged coat tales.
Their words lisp with girth's stripped,
frozen, sitting side by side
... lying by the broken furnace.

"... something must be done!"

One stands!
With his hand balled into a blue fist,
fuming cool breaths into his spewed wits:

"Our children are scared and bled,
women baron, the air's thin and dead!
Dexterity wears next to godliness;
the frost is on the tare, and God has fled!
This is last cause, our lost step,
we've got to weed into the plot of men!"

The freezing gnomes go to sleep;
hardly a fleeting eye tries to keep-
wide awake in dreams of pride n' peace
... it's this or die in sleet.

Tuesday, March 26 at 1:23am

Stand, face side by side at man's gates;
passing smiles of glass and slate-
Waging forward, short for words;
keeping form under support of force.
This is the final forge, mile 4:
wild for some kind of warmth...

Tuesday, March 26 at 4:00pm

"... have you seen my left sock!?"

Late for the soccer game...
She paces around the house
... retracing her placement,
racing around racking her brain,
attacking the basement;
flipping baskets,
as clothing fly's by her shoulder side-
"I don't knooooow!"
-her older brother bellows,
as his dry voice grows oversized.

"Oh no! It's time to go!"

Her ride waits for the 9th day;
they've been sitting in the driveway
for 14 minutes waiting,
to pick up Courtney for the Tri-states.
The jamboree's at 5,
and 43 minutes quickly pass by-

"That's it... honey, it's done;
have a lovely time, kick butt!
I'll try and look, after I find that book I
took out last month.. ugh, GOODBYE!"

.

.

.

http://img1.imagetitan.com/img1/1/38/sss798.jpg

Between those cold bare feet
beneath the cover of stares,
we seem equal in thumb...
just the people under the stairs.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=321996
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=322248

good ish...good ish...

The scheme was very nice for this piece, because it didn't take away from the content, yet it was still a major role in it...Good description and use of dialect...Made you feel that parts you emphasized...

The ending was deep...And a great tie in to the first in second parts...The time was placed nicely...Especially the 4:00 PM 43 min. thing...Beautiful use of imagery and the way you wrote made the reader sympathetic...Nothin' really I saw that took away or ruined the piece...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=323005

I think this was creative as hell, and I really liked it. It is different than your usual style, but it was still one hell of a read in my opinion. dope shit dude. The imagery here was breath taking, the part about the gnomes/icicles was dope as hell. I liked the eneding, it was impossible to predict that you'd go for something like that. Nice shti as usual man, i was really feeling it. Props

f;sho a most visualy imaginitive piece... descriptions was coo. at first i thought i diddnt like the repeating of @gnomes so much .but indeed poeticaly it did but enhance the piece.......... and as most often you added what i call strangeness to the overall content and i mean strangeness in a good/ original way.....
i must say though to some degree i wasnt exactly knocked out by the rhymes/ end rhymes.although saying that - most rhymes was worked well anyway i just prefer a little m ore assortment of complex with basic rhymes especialy if the piece is of a quite large size....


anyway creativity was crackers


original ish


1

Strong imagery piece as stated above. I just left feedback for a bunch of pieces but i can some this up in one word... Dope. Respect.

thanks for the feed.