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Thread: the phoenix

  1. #1
    Rock you in the Face Sir Skiddz SoPhrenic's Avatar
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    the phoenix

    Back to life, he walks the streets of new york
    trying to remember the sights, of what he adored
    for one day only, god had granted his wish
    he heads to hunts point, which smells a little..
    ..like fish..
    to his surprise there wasn't a prostitute in sight
    just a fish market,its generator humming off in the night
    even better that there wasnt one cop that was parked
    but the streets were empty, no one to cop off and spark
    he bummed a bogey off a bum and asked for directions
    outside the phone store he was, trying to make a connection
    his death was unsolved, and there werent answers in heaven
    then he got the perfect clue at e. 77th.
    asked some dudes about this man, who lived in this building
    but nobody had a clue, some, werent even listening

    so he turned the radio on to his favorite station...
    ...AND to his very own surprise..
    He heard songs like news, announcing that he had died
    Then it hit him, and he remembered his family
    His two cousins, brothers, but viewed things differently
    He went to their house and found one of them there
    When asked about his brother, he replied
    "its worse then i feared"
    Turned to BET, and an image of his brother appeared.
    "We try hard, to keep your image, with little support
    you began from whips and chains, nothing changed
    but when you changed, started buying whips and chains
    then you became a slave to them, their system
    I tried to send a message, but you just missed them
    My brother moved down south, trying to follow your ways
    But he just followed you in the wrong days
    When you didnt sell out, when you became somewhat...
    ...a show..
    You want me to tell you who killed you but..
    ..You should already know...
    And I try to bring it back to you, in dope creative ways
    But it seems the stupidity you showed in your final days
    Is the reason most of them remember you, when they get paid
    the fish pay attention to the hooks, not what you say
    You ushered in the era, where its cool to be frontin
    My brother talks all the time, but he aint really sayin nothin
    I tried to keep you alive, keep the legacy you had
    but we found you murdered, laying next to a platinum plaque
    robbed blind of everything you had...
    we took you back to where it started, buried you in sedgwick ave
    it was then that we realized all the support you had
    through the help of others, we have finally brought you back
    The phoenix rose from the ashes, with a blackbook and a rap."


    welcome back, hip hop.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...67#post5404067
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...70#post5404070
    Last edited by Sir Skiddz SoPhrenic; January 3rd, 2007 at 08:25 PM
    Hence Forward.. BURR!
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  2. #2
    Can't teach you my swag! D. Josey's Avatar
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    Re: the phoenix

    Yo, this was a dope piece, my man. The beginning was kind of slow but when you got to the meat of the piece, I mean the multies and the descriptions started coming all together and forming a dope piece. I liked the establishment of background and the casual feel in the beginning, but again it was kind of slow and then started to pick up. A very well put together peice man. I think the imagery and the literal feel is what made the piece, and I liked it. I think this is one of the first pieces I've read of yours, and I like what I see. You're the kind of dude I collab with.

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  3. #3
    Rock you in the Face Sir Skiddz SoPhrenic's Avatar
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    Re: the phoenix

    thanks bro i appreciate the feed.
    upsies
    Hence Forward.. BURR!
    [YOUTUBE]seYxVBIsycE[/YOUTUBE]
    Just watch My Back, I got the front.

  4. #4

    Re: the phoenix

    this was cool.. I constantly felt like the meter was about to falter, but it just kept moving, and that element of an almost unpredictability was a unique feel to accent the piece. contectually, it had it's ups and downs. obviously a more simplistic stand point, but I felt like the concept was more than the words. I really fell in love with the concept of being back from death, and witnessing your own memorial basically.. but I still just felt a tad unsettled by the end of the story. just some gaps in the story, but overall I did like it.


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=321729
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  5. #5
    Rock you in the Face Sir Skiddz SoPhrenic's Avatar
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    Re: the phoenix

    thanks alot, ups
    Hence Forward.. BURR!
    [YOUTUBE]seYxVBIsycE[/YOUTUBE]
    Just watch My Back, I got the front.

  6. #6
    Rock you in the Face Sir Skiddz SoPhrenic's Avatar
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    Re: the phoenix

    fuck open mic
    Hence Forward.. BURR!
    [YOUTUBE]seYxVBIsycE[/YOUTUBE]
    Just watch My Back, I got the front.

  7. #7
    Rock you in the Face Sir Skiddz SoPhrenic's Avatar
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    Re: the phoenix

    not for nothing, i really hope that this piece didnt fly over anyones head, we're on a rap site, and im talking about something we all have in common
    Hence Forward.. BURR!
    [YOUTUBE]seYxVBIsycE[/YOUTUBE]
    Just watch My Back, I got the front.

  8. #8
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    Re: the phoenix

    Hey man. This is an overall good piece and I like the concept you hadd with iy. Your diction was on point throughout. One wierd part was where you repeated whips and chains. Kind of threw off the flow. I like how you compare both metaphorical death with the concept of losng your morals. Overall I like the message and way you presented it just some flow issues. Good piece.

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  9. #9
    Rock you in the Face Sir Skiddz SoPhrenic's Avatar
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    Re: the phoenix

    maybe its the name
    Hence Forward.. BURR!
    [YOUTUBE]seYxVBIsycE[/YOUTUBE]
    Just watch My Back, I got the front.

  10. #10
    I'm wack.
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    Re: the phoenix

    Pretty good...

    The begginning kinda almost made me want to stop reading like with the fish/ prostitute thing...But after I kept reading I started to enjoy is a little more...The Rhyming was simple and it kinda make the read less fluent...But it wasn't too bad...The content pulled me in more and I was trying to figure who this "person" was...Good personification and description used...BET?...LMAO...But anyways content was good and I liked the way you wrote it...Good stuff after the first part in my broken opinion...

    Only thing I would like to see better...Is the rhyme it's self or the scheme...I like the scheme but sometimes the rhymes just stumbled through it...Or I could've read it wrong...

    Please return the Favor...

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=322182
    This is my signature...

  11. #11
    Rock you in the Face Sir Skiddz SoPhrenic's Avatar
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    Re: the phoenix

    uppppppp
    Hence Forward.. BURR!
    [YOUTUBE]seYxVBIsycE[/YOUTUBE]
    Just watch My Back, I got the front.

  12. #12
    Rock you in the Face Sir Skiddz SoPhrenic's Avatar
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    Re: the phoenix

    im not letting this die
    Hence Forward.. BURR!
    [YOUTUBE]seYxVBIsycE[/YOUTUBE]
    Just watch My Back, I got the front.

  13. #13
     
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    Re: the phoenix

    This was a great piece man.. I have to admit.. the begginning did start off pretty slow but the story just got better and better as I read on..

    you began from whips and chains, nothing changed
    but when you changed, started buying whips and chains
    ^ nice wordplay..

    Overall this was a nice piece.. a little long for my liking but you kept it going smoothly all the way through and it turned out to be a nice piece. good job and keep writing.

  14. #14
     
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    Re: the phoenix

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...95#post5416595

    drop some feed on this if you get a chance... its just a quickly

  15. #15
    Midwest Patriots Da Patriot's Avatar
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    Re: the phoenix

    got skillz

    keep doin wat u dooo.....
    Mak'in History!!

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