Good Mourning, Good Night

His pops was never there for em, moms was never there for em
he was a foster child to hip hop, cause no one ever cared for him
he tightned up his nike dunks, and told the world to prepare for him
pulled his hat over his eyes, and got ready for his clear moment
tape cassette in back pocket, all the songs he left behind
a watch on his shoes, i guess hes running out of time
as hes walking down the street hes talking to himself a little much
vibing to the beat to hard, but he dont give a fuck
all he knows is that wherever he goes, hell follow his soul
his feetll take him there, so yea he follows his soles
and both of em got a couple of holes, so he uses his flow
to cover his metaphors, similes, and prose
and everyone knows, how this old story is supposed to go
the climax has already been wrote, they know that hell blow
so, after rap battles he won, he nods his head n says one
one mic, one love, one bullet, one gun

Good Mourning, Good Afternoon, GoodNite
i guess ill see when youre all right
GoodMourning, Good Afternoon, GoodNite
Get at me, as soon as you see light

His feet have taken him to a beach, and hes sitting by sea (yeah)
staring into the abyss, like someones gonna be there
hes seen fights and hes seen tears
hes seen pride and hes seen fears, they see hes real
hes made track after track, and song after song
mixtape after mixtape, just trying to get put on
and his fans vibe along, labels admit thats hes strong
and time after time, hes never proving em wrong
so whats wrong, in his mind he says hell never make it
the goals right in his face, but it seems hell never take it
hes arms length out of reach, as hes swinging to break it
3 pieces of crayon short, from his masterpiece on the pavement

Good Mourning, Good Afternoon, GoodNite
i guess ill see when youre all right
GoodMourning, Good Afternoon, GoodNite
Get at me, as soon as you see light

hes laying down naked, with his legs unbent feet touchin
arms straight out and palms up, like hes on a cross
good Lord hes lost,
and he needs jesus to carry him off
hes fallen three times, hes praying to God
but hes calling him father, but not a metaphor
as he reaches the breeze, waters cover his soul like theyve met before
and the salt covers his cuts, but he wont flinch
hes engulfed by the Sea, but somehow it all makes sense
his gets his mind rinsed by the abyss
he and clouds greet, but to me it seems as they kiss
hes hugging the ocean and its hugging him back
and i hear a whisper from the sun, that he loves when hes back
and he asks it, father are you taking me home
the sun responds no, youve got to be on your own
and says be gone, but as soon as he parts
the sun sprints away, and it starts raining
the pick up of the waves starts gaining, the earths quaking
the microphone stands shaking
seashells begin to cry, and the sands mumbles a lullaby
a crown of barbwire he wears, he says hes gonna die
his pops was never for em, moms was never there for him
he was a foster child to hip hop, cause no one ever cared for him
but he had his clear moment, that nite as he laid in his slumber
as he greeted the lighting, and tuggled with thunder


Good Mourning, Good Afternoon, GoodNite
i guess ill see when youre all right
GoodMourning, Good Afternoon, GoodNite
Get at me, as soon as you see light

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=318615
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...04#post5342704

Uppppp

this is some deep shit...im actually suprised by it because i usually dont read long shit like this ... but it seemed so original and it flowed so well that i was hooked reading it to the very end, Good piece

this was a beautiful story keep writin and i willl check out some of your stuff i curious to see what some of your metaphores are link to though ... i willl email you in detail later but anyways good post

the story off this wAS nicely assorted and gratifide man and nicely placed... the storyline and vocab meshed well together man like cheese oN dips man nah what i meanz... lmfao.. the content of flow and animosty of the vocab was blended in quite nicely aswell too man nice job keep this up you might just get a REP FAST man...

RTF on Untitled.. link in the sig..

Up...

No real story line at all in this piece. But I can say it had it's own warm feel to it. Really just a good thing to a bad thing with a chorus. Could be made into a song if more effort was put into it. Poetic feel of music and other daily things all matched up in different sequences to match eachother. Still, it had no point, but still, it was a good read. Good job on this piece, that'll be all I say.

Hit this:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=319302

Thank You If You Do, Fuck You If You Don't.

this makes a pretty good song to be honest. when it comes down to written lyrics and everything, technical aspects could improve. all the emotion of this piece is real and dope. quite moving piece actually. the flow was consistent so it made for an easy and addictive read. great piece, not what i expected but you've got some potential.

peACE