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Thread: Double Vision

  1. #1
    Banned Penlord's Avatar
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    Double Vision

    Double Vision
    Presented By: Penlord

    Give Proof Of The Heaven's Twilight.
    "It's showing.... NOW! Run for the light boy!"

    The pelted version of an inner man's soul... How quick to befall the skies
    As the shell peels.. It tries, but sometimes the visionary can see it twice.
    Double vision, They say.. Seperation of the soul and it's girth,
    A camoflauge... That takes you into the other realm of earth.
    "Even the universe has holes!" The bearded man used to say, looking shoddy..
    Then I butt in... to exclaim,
    "If that's the case then there must be some in the human body"
    Indeed..
    "There was, and I have seen it myself"
    "If you have the sight, you won't make it to either heaven or hell"
    Purgatory, doesn't exist, but if you wish you will also cease
    And never feel pain or guilt, there will be no definition of Peace.

    I looked around, for an answer, but never found one, instead
    Of clinging to life, me and the man were searching for death.
    We found it funny, this void, all it took was to be shook
    Or spin around in your place, to witness this deep look.
    "I have felt the earth spinning", he said, "Heaven does too"
    "Where is it at?" ... "No one knows..", "When found out, the skies, they move."
    I think I can make it there, take me there, can you?
    Please?
    "Only the reaper can."
    No, old man! Don't you tease!
    One day when we were traveling, near the trees, we finally came to a stop
    He told me "Put the rope around your neck, swallow these, and just drop"
    - What for? I had asked.. Wondering if it was safe.
    He looked me deep into my eyes.. and handed me a razor blade.
    He told me he'll be there with me shortly, I have no need to fear,
    So I did what he asked.. And I spilt all over the ground, and teared.
    ............
    A large light appeared, and next to me, was the man.
    I said you made it! He laughed, and said "I do what I can."
    A stairway appeared in front of us, the steps reached in flights of seven,
    Each step it got brighter, I knew we were on our way to heaven,
    Half way up, I saw the gate, maybe I was late to judge this place
    And I ran up the steps quickly, and I picked up my pace
    When I got to the last case, I screamed with joy and a wail,
    Then in that blink of an eye, joy turned to pain, and I fell


    I looked back into the old man's eyes, cold and black, like none before
    He said "you will be in hell as soon as you hit the bottom floor."
    I screamed back, "you tricked me!" He said "I Am Grim.... Even in Glory"
    "This is double vision my boy... And there's two sides to each story."

  2. #2
    Banned Penlord's Avatar
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    Re: Double Vision

    Link 1:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=319201

    Link 2:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=319046


    Leave Feed And A Link To Your Pieces/Battles People. I Will Hit Them Up With Honest Feed.

  3. #3
    Soule
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    Re: Double Vision

    Yeh, nice drop Twizted.

    The wording was nice and the flow was pretty smooth. I felt the emotion greatly here. The Structre and creativty was nice and the Rhyme Skeme was alright. I saw it happen with you're imagenation skills here, keep writing man. I felt the story could have been a little better but oh well. I dont care, keep it up.

    ~Belligerant.

  4. #4

    Re: Double Vision

    deep, and i dont feel any elaboration was needed, this is a golden drop, i liked the conversation within the peice, stay up

  5. #5
    Banned Penlord's Avatar
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    Re: Double Vision

    I wish more people would hit this and leave links :'[

  6. #6
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    Re: Double Vision

    in a bit ill edit this into a reply...

    lil busy atm.
    READ MORE

  7. #7
    Spaghetti Quarter's Avatar
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    Re: Double Vision

    Nice peice right here.

    It was very creative, and you did have a good use of emotion in it.

    It had nice flow, structure and all those shananaghans.

    I think i have seen you do better,

    but that doesn't really matter cause this was a tight piece.

    *If you can please hit up the links in the sig with some feed.

    PM me if any of your other pieces or anything is being slept on.

    it seems to be a trend round' here.

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  8. #8
    Banned Synonym's Avatar
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    Re: Double Vision

    Good peice man you had a nice grasp for this topic and it was very powerful with all of the imagery you had in it made it even doper to me...great job on that and making the story make sense and with complexity at some points so it was dope for that also you diction in almost every line was on point so dope peice, good job and keep up your writing habits...pz.

  9. #9
    Banned Penlord's Avatar
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    Re: Double Vision

    Everyone who posted links got their links hit up.

    More feed & more links.

  10. #10
    Banned Penlord's Avatar
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    Re: Double Vision

    Y'all niggas sleepin'.

    Drop a link.

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