Our Society, Ft. Pak

Pak
Kill that Paki….he represents terror and hate the motherfucker
Hypocritical statement like black against rap remember Deloris C.Tucker
Street muck used in cells as police fuck, Hood rats labelled as Hoes
Lustful masturbators rape them with their eyes off Teen Photos
Show those, social economics used as an excuse to racially abuse
Hierarchical cues lead to release of emotions seasoned & stewed
Men ravaging after gold dust, the old men watch bold men bust
Bi-sexual would support church against cross gender sex, disgust
Communities; as hypocrisy holds value for only modern normalities
I see Mr. Blair burn the Bush who holds the key to UN law formalities
So when he burns he takes with him Rum’s Field full of putrid stench
The back bench to this government is a lavatory deposit hence
We see immune men commune false errors to govern governments
And we see priests hold private heists with women of the covenants
Forget your B-boy stance cuffed and tazered on the first chance
Glance at me & read my book on burnt palms influenced necromance
Or was it strips weathered off lies & torment, I see a big body stack
Back to witness attacks, false rights with false fighter never fight back

Client
Kill that fag, kill that nigger, and kill that spic
Kill that towel head, kill that guito, and kill that bitch
Kill that Jap, kill that chink, and kill that cracker
But why does race matter if all of our bones shatter
Greed and lust replace our souls with demon dust
A tease, a slut; why can’t that bitch just give it up
Love struck? Nahh, I just needed to bust a nut
You say rape; I say she danced like she wanted to fuck
Misconceptions ruin society, the mind designs disguise
A government disaster turns into the hills have eyes
We live in lies but some become content with their lives
Until they realize their demise and become content with suicide
The president has devised to cause turmoil over foreign skies
Until terrorist ties are revised and we take over oil supplies
Back home we’re criminalized for our skin pigment and appearance
So my incoherence is due to the cop’s committing pass interference
Before given the chance I’d be blocked before the throw of the pass
And forget checking my pants, I’m harassed and cuffed at first glance
But that raises your street cred right, so shit then you put up a fight
You never seen a gun in your life but were stopped for J walking last night
But that’s life, and unfortunately it’s starting to get duller than a pencil
As are economy is chewed up and choked on with George Bush’s pretzel

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...85#post5300085

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...25#post5300125

Suppity up^.

Baron -
good choice of words and multis,imagery was well implyed, baron you took your time to describe every aspect of what you were visualizing,with simple yet very descriptive words and you structure helped feed your verse to me,although like i said your wording could've been better like shorting your structure or make it appear as if it did ,like tricing the mind to belive its smaller than it actually is,ya know but nice verse.

client -
diffrent and creative peace one thing that stood out the most was your rhyme scheme and structure,it made your verse flow well and like pak verse your was simple but got the story through,and you didn't go off track you didn't stray from the topic and people tend to do that in collabs ya know.

both -
great collab famo,you took an not so original topic but turned it into somthing pretty creative,baron you both have diffrent writting styles witch set this apart from anlot of other peaces,although i got an little tired when reading pak peace not saying it wasn't good it just didn't grasp my attention like he thought it would but client peace complimented his peace and his unique writting style kept me reading and had my eyes feeling an little teary lol. good job.

Feed
lol at all this feed i gave i just enjoyed this and thought i give it what it deserves an 7.5 - 8/10 in my book, can y'all do me an favor and vote honestly on this battle with me and Dyl.http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=315918

aight I'll get to it, thanks for the feed my man. upp

alright

id say this collab was sucessful in mantaining the same tone very cohesively from one section to the next

pak
good original content (and cultural reference) and rhyming, rum's field... didn't really like that one
main problem- some of the sentences seemed a little too short or with internal flow issues, or transition issues so they could match the scheme

Kill that Paki….he represents terror and hate the motherfucker
Hypocritical statement like black against rap remember Deloris C.Tucker
Street muck used in cells as police fuck, Hood rats labelled as Hoes

these lines could have been improved with some transitions

client
very good flow, and i liked how you used the short angry lines
you did kindof subside towards the second half though from pure hate to more general problems- it was cool when you were criticizing the government- which falls in line with the title of our society and then racism which is one of societys ills

when you talked about how life was then dull/and then the economy choking on the presidents pretzel i thought the metaphor didn't really appropiately convey the same feelings or level of feelings as the rest of the piece did- to be fair though it difficult to conclude on a topic like our society

very solid colab in general with areas that coule be improved upon

if you could leave some feed on my battle it would be appreciated
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...51#post5304551

Thanks upp

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=317284
^^
hit that

ok this wasa nice piece but i was a bit eerked at the way you guys came at it... you both came with ice writtens mana nd nice multies and metaphors but i just didnt like how you guys made the shit so OBVIOUS ya know... but meh who cares.

anyway's besides that fact.. the emotion in this was iight you know both were a bit iffy though seriously like paka i never really see him go on and off and same to you client but i just felt both of you werent really intact with each other and shit... the choice of words was good though and vocab was assorted nicely simple wordings complexed meanings and metaphors...cool drop and way to flip shit. the multies though and metaphors really stood out in this piece man seriously...thats what got me the most the metaphorical multies. the emotion was good and the storyline was good topic was played and gully but all in all still you guys manageda good piece not great but good man nice collab!.

This is an older verse that we both wrote a couple of weeks ago lol...but yeah i'll get that linkage.

^^
real...
well to me it was like just a freeverse of society rather than really planned out cus both of youw ould have killed the muthafucka if it was really planned line for line or stanza for stanza ya know...

upp