God answered my prayers with a pen and a dictionary.
The Audio Version
Something's changed
in the way that I walk my days
I keep my head facing downwards
like a coward, I mean what can I say
when I was young, I was so hopeful
but now hopes lacking meaning
I'm screaming, feigning for a purpose
in what gods teaching me
god you're reaching me, but please just
give me some reasoning, the plot
seems to be deepening,
but I can't see your light
when it always seems to be evening
even when I'm weeping I try to
pry the secrets from the situation
it gets to my patience, fakin these smiles
while all the while I'm close to breaking
the smokes takin away from the painstaking
abbreviations that I've created in hopes
of stavin off this spiritual starvation
my souls aching,
tracing back the bread crumbs
my heads numb, toungues dumb,
can't put words to it
the tunes of hero's go unsung
I'm undone, run tim run
my lifes spun 360, please forgive me
but I've been less than a loyal sun
please forgive me
time ain't so nifty, I'd swiftly trade
these moments for some peace of mind
the peace I find now is derived
of these chemicals that balance my life
balance the strife with aspirations
aspirin takin ain't breakin the pains
of seperation,
so percoset poppin
seems like logic for the equation
the situations got me pacing
Mom says I'm losin wieght again
she can see my bones through my skin
afraid I'll be taken away with the wind
I do what I can, really I try
I wanna survive, I wanna strive
I just want to feel like I'm alive
but for that, sometimes you've gotta die
I die inside every time I open these eyes
thats when hope collides with where the hatred resides
then suicide gets contemplated, and I'm like...
I just want to live my life!
what's the purpose, god what do you have for me
god just answer me,
I'd kill if I could see your plans for me
I'm feeling so treacherous,
searching for my exodus
I'd give my breath just if,
I could feel the pressure lift
but it won't, it takes my breath all the same
the strain upon my chest rests
as if it truly holds a claim
I'm tired of disdain,
I want to smile for real again
where are my friends? I can't find them
they've dissappeared,
what about all the time we spent?
wishing, hoping, planning, smoking, growing, exploding together
knowing we're tethered to this life with one another
but it seems those ties are severed
Oh well, I've gotta keep walking, even if it is by myself
I've got my health at least, I wish y'all long lives and large wealth
I hope you all excell,
maybe that would propel me outta of this abyss
these words kiss my lips so tender, but the abyss just rips...
I exist, isn't that enough? I exist,
but that just isn't enough
I've lost love, almost found it again,
but I found it was just a crutch
I'll walk on my own two
with everything that I go through
only because I could never accept the fact that I owe you
I've got a notable talent,
everyone seems to see it
writings not a challenge,
its the only way that I can free this...
expectation, this problematic revelation, this contra inside
that leaves me practically vacant and void of all emotion
these words are all that's left, all I've kept,
my secrets, my passions,
my deepness that I hide along with all of the stress
I guess I'm blessed, I should be speaking happy thoughts
god gave me life, but I'm stuck trying to figure what's up with the cost
I've lost plenty, life keeps turning, I feel like I'm screwed
and I'd let you walk a mile, but I don't need more holes in my shoes
let me hold the excuse that I choose to brandish
it's outlandish, this deprevation that i feel I've been handed
the planet'll keep spinning, I bet most of these cats'll keep grinning
and until the light gets brighter, I bet that I'll keep sinning
simply put, I'm a complex man, all matters brushed aside
and I've got pride, that's why keep on keepin on with this life
the edge of the knife just dulls if the pressure press's enough
and I've been standing on it for a while, I'm surprised it still cuts
serratedly rough, my gruff disposition has nothing to do with you
I thought I was through with you, it's funny what your words can do
and where's daddy? I must not have made him happy
I can hear him now, radio loud as he skipped town, brazenly laughing
it's almost maddening, trying to figure what I did to deserve that
I used to want dad to come back, but now I think I'm kind of glad
that I did it on my own, me and mom almost made a home
now I'm a man grown, I didn't need you to teach me how to get stoned
tim doesn't make happy songs, you need get used to it..
god gave me a pen and a dictionary to help me get through it.
