inner thoughts

i'm going to put it on audio, thats why the structure may seem a little fucked up. Leave a link an i'll get back to it!!

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...87#post4941187
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...94#post4941194

thiers more than a couple
faker than chantelle and preston
who bang on about guns like they charlton heston
or out of sum western
beats i bless um, im stressed and ready for a beer session
i never learn my lesson
stuck in a state progression got me confessin
of pent up aggression
thats testin my limits, cant get a profession
dont wanna be lesser with letters
so i pose questions, messin with minds
to show that im better
not coming second
against crettins using my voice as a weapon
testin the best an leaving em festerin
confused an digressin
im fightin depression, regrettin decisions
trapped in oppression, sum call it livin
im livid effin and jeffin, at those who assess us,
processin our every though
professors try to put a method
to the way we behave
we are still bought, like slaves to the trades
wrestlin the bubble
but we cant burst the charade

this was kinda bad man, u had nuttin at all, the flow wasnt there, u had no story to it, it was just like a random lines, work harder cuz u aint gonna make it on this site with bullshit OM's like dat, try 2 center ur piece and have a solid body, and try to write a stroy

uppin

it was ok....ur sturucture was fucked so it messed up ur flow...and i wexpected something way deeper....inner thoughts coulda been made a master peice HoF...but u hade no true story....no vocab,ive said flow was off....welll u may get better wit time just keep posin and try starting off with allitle more easier topics to start off with...ok

RTF on my Om's tks....

You had a really poor structure. The flow was really weak. Wasn't complex at all, no decent vocab at all. The topic sounded dope but all you did was write stuff that rhymed.
You had to make OM's meaningful and with emotion. I don't want to seem to come down hard on you, but right now you need alot of work. You'll get the hang of it. Read really strong pieces cause they'll give you the idea of what a good OM is.

Keep elevatin'