Voodoo (Corus By Godsmack)

Candles raise my desire
Why I'm so far away
No more meaning to my life
No more reason to stay
Freezing feeling, breathe in - breathe in
I'm coming back again

Demons look around the room. Scaning my doom?
Poppin another hole in my body like a blowed up balloon.
Scared up skin with a bloody ass nose. My voodoo dall shows.
That I never should have gone out with those scary gothic hoes.
They went crazy when I dumped them. They comitted a voodoo sin.
Buy going out with me. They moaned my name over and over again.
Putting on their black make up and clothing. Whippen my back..
In which it stings. Opera bullshit every time they sing.
Why cant they let me be? This is Voodooism as you can see.
And the more I plea. The more they rub on and toture me.
Chains holding onto my neck and arms. Trying to set the alarm.
While they getting pregnant and blaming me. Kissing their 666 charms.
Calling apon their Diablo savior. Making me lose my mind.
Thing bout these gothic Voodoo lovers. They love it from behind.

Candles raise my desire
Why I'm so far away
No more meaning to my life
No more reason to stay
Freezing feeling, breathe in - breathe in
I'm coming back again

The chains just getting tighter and tighter till I can hardly breeth
The sex is great surprisingly but the torture is just a releave.
As she moans my name and I moan the pain I change the spot.
Chains remove from me while she's on bottom..I'm on top.
Her black hair goes in my face while my cum drips from her lips.
I have the Voodoo womans brother giving me sexual tips.
After several days of non stop toture and sex. She sets me free.
Like a caged animal. I just look back and say I dont want to leave.
And I walk back into the room and remove all of my clothes.
How much fun am I down for? My answer is loads

Candles raise my desire
Why I'm so far away
No more meaning to my life
No more reason to stay
Freezing feeling, breathe in - breathe in
I'm coming back again

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...84#post4765184
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...03#post4765203

Rise.

Rise.

this was a nice piece..good flow..nice mettas and mutleis...good flow......i liked the vocab..decent drop

overall=8.5/10

keep it up

I knew you were gona leave feed when I saw you made a new peice.

lmao leave feed on mine's plz

Aigth this was good in parts and not so in others. Maybe it's casue i aint a fan of sexual rhymes idk...but yeah this had a necromancia feel to it and th ewording got awkard and less articulate at times which made it seem as if it was been said by a person immaturely. There were also spelling mistakes which kinda runied my perception of the whole piece. Atmosphere was there in parts. Overall, a bold attemp to tackle a subject, just carry on trying to strvie and you'll get better at creating thoguhts in readers minds...Stay up

Nice ending, this was kinda dope...you had nice everything, could have upped the vocab and reworded a fewthings like the sex was great, but the toture was a relief line...since whens torture been a relief? but you like what you like so hey, it's been a while since I've seen a sex story told so well, but without the gruesome details. so shame on you for that. but you do tell stories well, just work more on descriptive words, and imagery and you'll be straight. good drop tho. keep up the good work.

blowed up ballon sounds a bit childish. .blown-up. yeah
good imagery idea tho amd set-up for real.

flow seem to start off good but then gets a bit patchy. like maybe the internals were'nt quite on point or something. or it seemed to get a bit stumbled around the lines describing what these chix do............ n i got a bit lost after a few lines coz the rhyme scheme seemed to dissapear completely.........


wording could be a better in most places. maybe the odd uneeded word/syllable/s could be deleted to titen the flow. like ...


kissing their 666 charms......... could become.....
kissing 666 charms

simple things like that throughout a piece thru etheir trained writing or extra editing /
scanning can give a verse much fluency and ill delivery........... i mean all kinds of syllable counts can be used but the right amount of pace direction and use of internal rhyming and wording must be maintained.........

ended a bit dodgy if you ask me. loads?/. uhm? cud be better. good shot tho. was different in a way from most stuff in its concept. so yea good idea.

keep em poppin

check this 1

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=303258
thier