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In The End
http://images.google.co.uk/images?q=...s/image008.jpg
'The horsemen of the apocalypse draw near'
As he battles through the maze
Of a world enclosed in haze
His increasingly weary legs
Tell of these apocalyptic days
With a flicker of luminosity
Christians vanish out of trace
Resulting in animosity
For those that remain
The rapture has occurred
God has rescued his people
And left the rest to burn
Those that remain are weak and feeble
Lonesomeness takes its toll on this man
His wife and children are absent
As he stumbles across unholy land
Falls flat on the sand
and abandons his search
Church was once an option
Which he didn’t take, and now it hurts
For all hope is lost,
demons gather round
To serve up riposte
on the soul they have found
Satan is evident
and a living force
We thought not of his relevance
Now he rides on a demonic horse
Gathers the remainders
Of a planet once vibrant
Those who fought are now painless
They left with perfect timing
For Satan has no heart
As God has no sin
What he has planned from the start
Will finally begin
His demons fight off the last of our race
And without haste they light a fire
Within the flames of this furnace
Are the remnants of a world now expired
Earth is smothered in a cradle of smoke
As the rest of the universe implodes
Into doom by god, Satan is shoved
Shortly followed by the ones you love
People will now live eternally, in a world of glee
But the majority will be tortured in searing heat
God came through for his people, and showed his grace
Those who did not believe are left with a bitter taste
'Satan attacked and captured our world
now all he took forever,will burn'
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well 1st of all i did the same ryme scheme as u and i got mauled for it so if u dnt then i wont be happy.............the rymes wer gd tho and the topic was a different 1 frm the others
For Satan has no heart
As God has no sin
^^ ma fave line because its well i cant xplain it really i liked it
the structure was good and the lines wer not streched at all.....they wer nice and short and very effective....nice wording and it was really clear what u was tryin to get accross
overall it was a dope peice keep rytin
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This was a very good piece, as you know i have a taste for demonics and this piece did vibe "animosity" or enimty, enimty of satan to the lords lamb. the flow was good but i reckon that sometimes yuo couldn't grip the rhymscheme correctly, i can see an atticus influence with the scheme but you need to practice more on that aspect. The description was very good and the vocab in certain parts was very well done while in others it fell. Overall, i believe this is a good piece but deffinetly not your best, just kee it up.
Do check this, when you can na mean
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=297463
(England 2-0, but respect to trinidad &tobago, they did play pretty aight)
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Word to this. This was excellent to me. The wording was perfect. Your imagery with demons n' people in suffering was great. This piece actually made me think which is hard for me to do,but this made it easy which is what made it so enjoyable for me. The structure was great easy for me to follow with the rhyme scheme that you used. I mean you did great out of all the reads I've received from you this is among the best.
Overall this speaks for itself.........It's excellent.
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I read this yesterday and I actually liked this piece a lot.I am not a fan of your rhyme scheme but you made it work out.Your wording was very impressive here.Imagery was nice and you did a very good job on describing everything.Very creative......I always like someone who makes use of a picture and writes to it and even in the piece you showed some very good creativity.Sometimes the flow well and was simple in places but the piece was still good.I lied this bro and no doubt you will keep this up.
-Dyl
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thanks dude it's appreciated a lot....I'm just about to leave feed on yours now.
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