Stay Strong

Stay Strong
By: Nash
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somethin' quick on my mind ..
my mind is determined to think inside the lines
so here i go, just know the little girl awaits
.. the CHANCE to even make it! to the golden gates
.
.
the bullets missed me.
it would've been great if they were to connect
should've died weeks ago, but cuts weren't direct
i lost my dialect, to whomever it may concern
but i yearn this shit hole of a home in turn ..
i learn of a burning sensation in my own time
i mean, who feels neglected without the signs!
bang, boom, crack, slap ..
.. the sound of me BEING a piece of crap.
now it's time for a nap, i lay in skinny blankets
he brings me outside to see how nippy i get ..
i feel sick, always feeling like shit. somehow i ..
.. wonder why i get my own lies crossed behind
my own mind, but i guess it takes time to give in
but its given that i'm hurt and abused, i'm used
wanting no more to do with the weak & bruised
i feel obtuse ..i exist but not any longer ..
& this list of abuse ..IS NOT MAKING ME STRONGER
i don't belong here, i am her! i am the girl! i feel ..
like i'm not real, im unreal ..being used as a third wheel
a sexual molestation is going down, soon i frown ..
.. my ears hurt too ..and so dies the sound
profound names, and games being played outside
while i practice unfair ruling, knowing i'll soon've died
i've cried the way eyes watch me in my window
am I ..a ghost? or do they boast & laugh? or do they know
about where my life goes ..i sit and rot in this hot room
all of you were abused today ..
..while i was abused the minute i emerged from the womb
of my mother, the one that suppose to be like no other
the abuser, the user, the one who hates me AND my dead brother
she killed him ..my mother did. yes, it's wrong ..
.. but while you all complain, i lay in my prison and stay strong.


links ..
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=285240
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=284018

great concept. i think you showed it very well..
You had very good imagery.
The content was good, i think you expressed it very deep
You didn't stay on the same path
You kind of changed shit up, and went through with a whole story
I liked the vocab.
The structure was good.
Overall..nice job

the bullets missed me.
it would've been great if they were to connect
should've died weeks ago, but cuts weren't direct

^ very good opener, i havnt been on here in a while but it's good to see you still goin strong in ya rhymes. Your imagery was pretty nicely done n the ender was suprising, i liked it. as above, it was on point but it strayed off slightly i thought. Flow was def. good tho. Well done ~1~

^thanks guys ..good to see it's being fed on. least to say for my last 3 pieces. lol, good looks. leave links! ..
.
.. to the top!

honestly nash ive seen much better from you. To point out some good things first your usage of vocab was nice. Ive seen the topic done before but your take upon it was pretty good. Your imagry as well as emotion were aight throughout the whole piece. Now for the tuff criticism, your flow was VERY choppy pretty much throughout the entire piece. You had some good internals in there but seemed forced in places and more were needed in other areas. Your opener kinda caught my attention but could have been better. Id def say work on the beginning though becuase thats what everyone reads first so it MUST be dope so readers will want to finish the piece. Overall it was an ok piece, but i have seen better out of you

just keep writing...

btw hit up my Blinded by Reflections of Old piece..its atop the OM forum so no need for link :2thumb:

^thanks dude. Upp

get up :mad: ..

stand up bitch :mad:

dopeness... fresh concept.. well executed .. nice emotion ... great ass piece

hit up my battle wit DaTrusHurtz wit some feed thx ...

pretty dope dude keep workin and doin what u do i sorta like the imaginary
it was pretty good wordplay wise my advise to u is keep doin what u do in that area structure is pretty good wouldn;t change nothin in that but work on ur imaginary dawg this was a pretty dope peace

8/10

err ..thank you?

very nice peice Nash, great topic...sumthin interesting and one of my favorite styles to read....your rhymes were excellent and ya multies were aight...flow was really good..smooth throughout....this was a very nice read...imagery and vocab was def. here...complexity was as well..overall this was like a 8.9/10..keep it up..peace~

Thanks thug ..better pieces coming soon. upps for that last bit of feed

I would have to say like mpulse said ive seen better from you....however you seem to be writing with a larger sense of realism...whether its true or not, you make it seem so personal, n like im reading it looking through your eyes....its a very moving piece...regardless of the lack of overall complexity in ur lines...I can still say i enjoyd this on a basic entry level of writing..tied to an amazing source of realism you put in..so combining all that it was a good piece in aspect, and an average piece in others....so keep ups Nash!

pec

*RTF on my 2 links in siggy*

it is really really good i like the flow of the whole ryhme
also i like the images that were shown in my mind