Doin My Thing

This is my first post so I would appreciate any and all much needed Feed

This is Killa_King man doin my thing
Been serving fiends' ever since I was a teen
Runnin low so I went to cop
Rollin slow windows tinted on the drop
Shit's blazing on my block
Got them birds by the flock
Destined I'm reach the top
I'm give it my all this is my only shot
Just call me Sara Lee,baking pies in a pyrex pot
Another day in my hood the cycle never stops
Another dollar,Another thug gets dropped
I'm considered a vet when it comes to this game
Ain't shit you can tell me bout this cocaine
So I pull to the back of my special meeting place
Next thing I know this coward's barrel in my face
Nigga these Jacker's Gonna make me catch a case
So I reach for the small of my back,pull the mac
Commence ta lettin that motherfucka crack
Watch the hollow's go in his front,and pop out his back
Now my head's doing circles like a hoe on the track
Last thing I could recall before my brain shut down
I was 12 again and we was movin out of town

Here's my first link
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=281317

Here's my second link
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=281260

not bad, u gotta elevate some, try to get more creative on writin a text, use complexity, vocabs and good mets, then ull have it..

otherwise good piece, i liked it

great starting post cuz, I know you been through all dis shit cuz we been folk since I was born straight peice I thought it could be better but not much + you freestyle, ya
jus startin ta write shit and it sounds hot.

That was really good peice for a first drop. It looks like you got your shit togehter and it all flowed well. keep it up man

Thanks for the feed and the constructive criticism will return the favor when I get a chance uppin this shit really need more feed this is my first piece 100

flow is on & off in this.. but chea its aiite.. ent nothin special..

Watch the hollow's go in his front,and pop out his back
Now my head's doing circles like a hoe on the track
Last thing I could recall before my brain shut down
I was 12 again and we was movin out of town

^^^however i do this be gettin better 2wards thee endin..
i mean if it was like a freestyle then koo.. but even stil u need 2 work on ur ish..
next time pick a better topic that will really interest tha reader.. feel me..
this was good stil.. but chu need 2 elavate b...1lurv..

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=280881

^^^oh & do leave feed in this.. 1

yeah this piece definately had some potential, I like the flow, i think that you might have been able to enhance the piece by using descriptive vokab to even it a little.
topik was kind of played....untill you got to the ened and made this piece your own, your ending was excellent!

Iight That Was A Ok Verse But U Need To Work On Your Structure Try To Even Out Your Lines Havin Dem All Mismatched Messes Up The Flow My Nig...i Liked Te Topic But U Coulda Made It More Interesting By Takin The Storyline Deeper Than U Did Some Of It Just Kinda Unexplained...try To Make It More Poetic Also Not Just Thug Shit,...thats Some Shit That Radio..om Is More Like Poetry Not Rapping...just Peep Other Shit And Keep Workin At It...~1~

Thanks for the criticism and letting me know what I need to work at The feed is much appreciated I'm still new at this So I trying new approaches maybe my next one will be better 100

yo its good but i dunno wut your talking about