Does My Father Exist...

[EyeCandy]

Bway i was jus havin one of them moments on my birthday(yesterday).. & i jus wrote the second verse then while i was on a cloud somewhere........ however the first one was written in 1997.. so don’t be complainin aiite.. i was only like 10!
Feed/criticisim appriciated.. no herb bullshiit!

Diary Page 7
Wednesday 14th January 1997

Today mommy & daddy had an argument, but it turned ugly
Dad told me “don’t look sweetheart...hope u do stil love me..?”
I looked at my dad furiously i was shocked, “dad why u hit mom?”
“..why did u dad? & what does she mean ‘other sons’...?”
no answer..he looked away shamefully packed he’s things & left
mom never mentioned dad again, like the floor he was swept

(3 months later..) Friday 16th March 1997

i always pestered her about him, she said “don’t worry he’ll be back”
days jumped on, months drove by, i realised mom’s lies was wack
but then my aunt persuaded me & said that my mom’s tellin tha truth
“daddy wil come home soon, he’s takin care of a ‘FREN’S YUTES’..”
yeah i can wait for my daddy, after all patience’s the key 2 success
ur missed everyday dad, i just want u at home happy, fuck gettin vexed!
“i hope ur back 4 my birthday dad, i don’t want no presents......
i just want us all 2 be a blissful family, were no one gets threatened

Diary Page 30
Monday 20th March 2006

Like 10 years now, mom don’t want me & stil no sign from dad
Ive figured it u ent ever comin back no wonder My moms mad
I wonder were u at & i bet u’ve forgotten i’m ur daughter
U weren’t there 2 support her, wit another bitch, u prolly caut up
Times only get harder each day, & i feel as if this life ent fair
but its even more agony wen dad’s disapear cah mine’s ent there
increasin tha population is ur hobby but u just dump us like dirt
u’ve practically tortured my soul in pieces, & thumbs up it hurts
sometimes i’m occupied thinkin what ma’ gona say wen i see ya
i’ve survived so long wit out u & mom then wil i really need ya?
don’t be gettin tha feelin that ur daughter here is obsessed
cah 2 speak tha truth i don’t lurv u, now my fear is confessed......

Tuesday 21st March 2006

if i am ur flesh & blood daughter then how can u resist?!
‘fore sometimes i wonder.... does my father really exist?!

Hmmm thats all i gotta say....

[EyeCandy]

links comin up... hope u don't be closin this 2 brix

[EyeCandy]

link 1

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...03#post4162703

[EyeCandy]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post4162850

link 2

[<Supreme>]

wow
this was a gd piece
gd emotion in it

Fave part:
I looked at my dad furiously i was shocked, “dad why u hit mom?”
“..why did u dad? & what does she mean ‘other sons’...?”
no answer..he looked away shamefully packed he’s things & left
mom never mentioned dad again, like the floor he was swept
this part is a gd account of wot happened (if tru) and is wot loads of kids go thru, well dun with tht

Least fave:
...........

the whole piece was gd

the flow was consistent, and the structure was also
emotion was there
so was imagery

gd drop
peace

[bennett]

thats a fuckin nice song there lol ....that reminds me of eminem when im gone for some reason lol?... still good nice work

[EyeCandy]

thanx gater & bennet.. feed appriciated...

upps...

[EyeCandy]

don't sleep have a creep...

upps........

[Da$treetzSon]

this was a good piece




if i am ur flesh & blood daughter then how can u resist?!
‘fore sometimes i wonder.... does my father really exist?!


I looked at my dad furiously i was shocked, “dad why u hit mom?”
“..why did u dad? & what does she mean ‘other sons’...?”


^^^^^liked these lines alot


good topic


7.5/10


keep droppin i like ya pieces

[Plain-Thug]

This was a very good peice

I liked how u had the layout with the dates and the diary page numbers..it looked cool..this peice had sum emotion in it and it could imagine some of the stuff happenin to props to the good imagery and nice flow which made this whole peice interesting and enjoyable to read...

your rhymes were tight....nice multies and overall this peice was good..i really liked this a lot....pretty different..and i alwayzed liked ur peices..so keep droppin..your really good..

peace-

[EyeCandy]

thanx streetz, & thug... yo go make another thread & post that piece again.. it sounds niice stil...

[AlphaBetz]

hell yea gurl, waz well feeling that piece it had a bit of everything,
mutis, flow, creativity, imagery, emotion, damm it had it all, althoght imma a guy i could relate to what your saying in it, nah mean my dads an ass, i got like 6 siblin's i aint even know, although i dont think you were speaking from experiance, u still had the emotion there though-out the verse,
damm keep it up, imma look up some of ya other stuff gal,
DAMM.
1

[EyeCandy]

uh no! i am speakin & was speakin from experience.. everything i post up is tru nahmean.. its better 2 write from experiences as it is eazi 2 express ur feelins, emotions all that ish.. anywho thanx for checkin this out ^^^ 1lurv

[A Pimp Named Saucy]

First off i liked how you use the verse from 1997....made it like a unique piece......and i also liked the concept...Emotion was alrite in this piece and was there......LIke plain thug stated it was interesting and enjoyable....tho you just need to use alil bit more vocab into your writtings.....Tho besides that flow and strutcure was nicely put and from start to end i was hooked on....i liked this piece and look foward to more.....pz

my rating

7/10....

[EyeCandy]

thanx comrad.. like thee feed....