Paintbox Zoo

Tip toe into my paintbox zoo, take a seat, at the scarlet pillar-post,
The whir of the clock hails half past two,wave goodbye to morning's ghost,
Sit, and breathe in these colours, child, the emerald, sapphire, deep cyan,
That come to rest in the fold of clouds, in the land where all fine art began,
Meet the traveller, heavy-laden with brushes, jewelled inks and scroll,
Dance amongst the bushes there and dare to blink, lest you be told,
Inhale the vibrancy of life, the tear-dropped sky, the fading green,
Fragmentation left on the artist's knife, a spectrum covers the once unseen,
Dark corners where brave strokes enter, dilute the black with paler hues,
And float upon the common there, where passionate red bleeds into hazy blue,
A new beginning, a blank canvas on which to splash a creative mind,
And erase the past with a spot of black, all hurt has vanished, so you'll find,
The pot of purple open, to taint the wings of the Angel on the hill,
And paint her smile, delirium, and ease to blow on it, to set the wetness still.

Pinks and purples, yellows, gold, all lie lifeless in the paper's fold,
But he whose heart is pure and pale, can take the message in, as he inhales,
The stubble of the harvest field, the chocolate brown of the orchard, wild,
Is the mind of he so young. Reep the creative magic of a child.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=264509
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=265949

There you go, two links of my replies. I'm just perusing over this piece once more and really don't know what I was thinking when I wrote it, it is a little wierd evidently.

come on some sweet little cherub has to have the heart to leave me a reply??

i like it :P it origional and interesting :) the flow was alright the creativity was kool but i did'nt understand the topic that much :) but ovarall nice peice

It was good.

I just felt that you had this great idea in mind and couldn't quite grasp it well enough. Overall i think the flow was sensational. I just have a gripe about the lack of punctuation. It's harder to judge rhythm and pace without it. I feel anybody would be a better writer if they used punctuation more frequently. I liked the family tree metaphor, i thought it was well constructed.

peace.

thanks alot for your replies, you really think the flow was sensational? thats usualy what I get knocked down about, thanks alot.

can I squeeze a couple of more replies out of this one?