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Through God's Eyes
I'm perched in the clouds, observin people in church with a smile
thankin me for the love that I assert to their child
it's bezirk I say wild,that I could search the earth just one more mile
and find my name merked with denile
poverty strikes, elders yell God'll do right
youngens agree by day and form mobs in the night
I scope down upon an alley magnifyin my view
see the struggles and the feud ignite between rival crews
my creations suffer abrasions from thier own relations
I stay patient knowin they racin from police stations
I don't wanna interfere with this experiment of life
so I stand clear and rain tears while the devil cheers on the fight
I see the lights just as the devil reaches and snatches a life
I move my cloud on and hear my name called in the night
I submerge shape shift to bird and glide to the window unheard
see a young girl with curls on her knees prayin and disturbed
*Prayin* "Mommy didn't mean it Lord please forgive her for me
I was hungry so I cried, she had no money but she tried
she probably hit me outta pride, let this one incident slide
and if you possibly can send food otherwise we'll die"
*Answering* "Your mother is forgiven in the end everyone is
but it was her choices not mine that failed to raise you kids
I do not set the path of fate or limit the roads you take
it was her mistake but I will give you one break"
hear the mother screamin and cryin from the next room
child services bloom hope on what once was doom
I move on pull the sun around and reveal the new day
ascend to my throne open the gate to last nights prey
they think they're at the end I see relief sprayed on their face
then they're pushed out the womb again and their memories erased
This is the cylce of life your rivals can hit vitals with knives
and in this way they take and produce multiple lives...
When the sun burns red, and the night never comes
that is when this experiment will be done
organisms split like prisms and new life never comes
I forsee the end of the world through the barrels of our guns
-Play-Boy
The Optimist
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=238374
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=236397
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This was a very good piece. I like the topic it was good. Kinda a broad subject, but its ok. Maybe since its broad you can drop a part 2 of it or something. My favorite part was:
"poverty strikes, elders yell God'll do right
youngens agree by day and form mobs in the night
I scope down upon an alley magnifyin my view
see the struggles and the feud ignite between rival crews" the stucture of it wasnt that good but those lines were tight.
Lookin forward to readin more of ya stuff, keep droppin. In the mean time, check out my battle in my sig and vote on it...thanx
BigBoss out,
Peace
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Good lookin'...I just went and peeped it.
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Uppin for feed....
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I think it was a good piece also, and it seemed like you really took your time and put alot of thought into it, which is good. Keep up the good work and i think its time that we hit them with something, sooner or sooner...
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yeah was real good mayne.. kept me reading to the end...i think too many lines started with "I"...vocab was ok coulda bin a little sharper...content was "nicey" for the most part..had interesting images and effects going on.. could maybe have added a couple more multies to lift it a bit more..plus the flow seemed a bit thin for the first few lines burt steadied up after...format worked out pretty cool as well
so a dope joint all in all subject was held together very well
drop some lines on my last OM-
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=240231
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nice piece
good structure, nice topic, i liked how you explained it
nice drop man
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i liked the topic as well it had flow, nice structure, and i was feeling the whole concept
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stay up
i give you a 7.5/10
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Thanks alot I'll hit ya'lls links up in few....good lookin
up
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Up^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
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Thanks for the feed back ya'll....
Last Up^^^^^^^^^
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That was a good piece. the topic was kinda played but u showed it in a unique way that not many people have before. it ha a good concept to it and i can see some potential in you. you explained the story very nicely but i dont think u quite caught the emotion to the full extent. the multis were great, it flowed good, the rhymes were well done. you need to work more on your structure.. some lines were way longer and others and it set the flow off a little bit. i would like to see what you could do with a more unique topic instead of this one. because we all know that you arent the 1st one 2 do this type of om... you had a good message behind your piece that was well put together aswell... i liked this piece alot
keep up... and good lookin out pc
~1~
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this was pretty good overall, dont take da haters to heart more niggaz need jesus life
haha
