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Thread: Dancing With Rotten Flesh.

  1. #1
    Banned Ike Ill.'s Avatar
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    Dancing With Rotten Flesh.

    Sweet smells, discreet spells, time caught in a bind
    Weeks tell, complete hell, as I try to unwind
    It was late in the noon, so came the moon, too soon
    And the damp odor of her body hit my nose like perfume
    Wrapped in its warmth, though she was cold, we made out
    I sometimes choked on her tongue or the teeth that would fall in my mouth
    I didn't mind, we romanticized, danced all night... Nothin' as beautiful as this
    Sometimes we would pretend to get married... we were, when we were kids
    See I knew this chick, we used to date, it wasn't a loss of words
    Now I like to rub and finger her cold pussy to show my love for her
    But back then, we were close... She was beautiful, I couldn't stop that
    Eventually she left me, but I stalked her, one day it'll all come back
    Waiting four years, mind growing deeper, insanity was a walk in the park
    I had the wire gripped in my hands, coming from her work, in the dark
    N' I sprang out, no questions asked, I wrapped the bitch around her neck
    Then dragged this corpse of beauty home by her leg..
    Once home, I set her in the hall, grabbed my toolbox with a jerk
    Then after I set her up on the table, I began my heartfelt work
    Balming fluid, ice, plastic... Anything to preserve this hollow angel
    Once I removed her organs, I placed them in the rusty tub, mangled
    My eyes grew wider, sparkles jolted through the tip of my brain
    A grin drew upon my face, I held her tight against me in pain
    "I knew you wanted me back, you always did, I'm the greatest"
    "care to dance?" "oh yes I would." No need to state it
    We played the tango, sweet movements, I didn't miss a step
    Back, Forth, Dip... The kinda shit to take a woman's breath
    We fell asleep on the couch, more in love witheachother than ever
    She wouldn't eat, so I brought her wine, my ideas were clever
    Falling asleep in my harms, my beloved corpse, I told her hush
    As she layed in a dramatic stance and I sewed her eyes shut
    The next morning, I turned on the news, they knew it was me
    So I set the table, and sat with my darling.. No attempt to flee
    The police had came, busted through the front door "hands in the air!"
    I tilted my head back in my chair, and laughed aloud, they stared
    "Where's the girl? We know you have her, you sick fuck"
    Beating me down into the ground, they never gave up
    In the confession room, cuffed tight.. I refused to tell
    I told them strictly that she was mine and my baby isnt for sale
    Half way dead, cold eyes, family and police still wondering why
    Finally before being fried, I exclaimed....
    "I have eaten her... So maybe I can be beautiful on the inside"
    Last edited by -Twizted-; November 13th, 2005 at 06:38 PM

  2. #2
    Banned Ike Ill.'s Avatar
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    Link 1:

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?p=3311128

    Link 2:

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?p=3311155

    Hit me with any links you got, if you leave feedback.
    Last edited by -Twizted-; October 16th, 2005 at 05:51 PM

  3. #3
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    The piece definately fits your name, man... this was some twizted shit. The imagery was really good, and your details were good to. Some lines were a little off, flow wise, but not by much. But lmao @ this story. You got really creative, and told some fucked up shit little man. Congrats. Cool read.
    You really think ur tough... come 'n try me man
    I’ll get a hiccup that isn’t spasms of the diaphragm

  4. #4
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    this was pyschotic.
    lol... but it was dope... great multies and flow structure was a lil off.... some lies were stretched a bit but lmao at the topic

    great piece... peep a link in my sig

  5. #5
    imma beast 3x's Avatar
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    that was sick in to ways man

    you had great multis nice word play
    great imagery i liked how it was suspenseful and made the read want to read it
    you really got into this topic man
    that some nice stuff right there

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  6. #6
    Damn, but that shit was tight. The flow structure felt a little iffy in parts, but the multi's more than made up for it. Sick story, well written lines, great delivery, and the end threw me off.

    All in all, 8.75/10
    "If Con is the opposite of Pro, then isn't Congress the opposite of Progress?"

    OR DID I JUST BLOW YOUR FUCKING MIND!??!?!?!?!

  7. #7
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    This shit was crazy...it was pretty sick...meaning fucking nasty and good. I think people are gonna have a hard time sayin that this is a played topic...Good imagery and vocab fit this peice good. Story line was put together well...Good shit keep flowin..
    -Play-Boy
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    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=241520

  8. #8
     
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    this was pretty grusome.. but a very nice piece.. i could see the imagery in this very well and there was alot of detail in it, and there was the multi's that also made it dope.. overall this was a very good piece.

  9. #9
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    Very fucked up. Extremely disturbing. But aside from that it was very creative. This is something i could see in a movie. Kind of reminds me of Texas chain saw massacre. It was pretty poetic ya know, I felt your words you brought imagination to my mind and made me picture what was happening, where it was happening, the look on your demented face lol. I wana know where you got this idea from, it cant just be in your head because I know your not that messed up, yeah you've been through alot, but you dont get a sick "twizted" pleasure out of these thoughts you have do you lol? And if you do, well whatever, yours till a good writer. Much respect. Keep dropping

    peace

  10. #10
    Banned Ike Ill.'s Avatar
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    ^ I thought it all up... up?

  11. #11
    It's a big FUCK U Frostbite's Avatar
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    This the first time is seen u do an open mic
    Damn Twizt u got a sick ass mind hommie and it looks great in words lol
    But it waz hot wit the mutis,flow,wordplay, and waz very creative
    But only flaw waz structure fix that and u can make hall of fame
    Keep droppin Fam

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  12. #12
    Banned Ike Ill.'s Avatar
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    ^ structure does not matter.

  13. #13
    Banned Ike Ill.'s Avatar
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    Up, if you leave feedback I will like you more =)

  14. #14
    Expression Is Everything XM's Avatar
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    Homie you crazy as hell lmao...........this shit was dope.......kinda poetic ya kno
    i like how you told it storywise imagry was on point to me and vocab was decent
    shit was crazy how you ate her.......... so you can be beatiful on the inside that last
    line was intrigue'n the whole piece was good.........you showed emotion and everything
    damn good shit homie..........damn im babblin lmao 9/10 1 off cuz of structure and organization everything else was fuck'n twizted
    Where the fuck was I fore they found me?
    Floatn in a meadow, dragonflies all around me
    Seeded in a ghetto, smokin cigarellos
    Stress oceans try to drown me
    Walking on water like when Christ did, glidin
    Mic in my plam like the trident in the hand of Poseidon

  15. #15
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    That shit is cannabalistic stuff, but i gotta say dog, that that is what i call a propa OM. Like it, keep droppin'
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

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