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The Good Days
I Took The Advice Of My Other Piece And Tryd To Make This One Better
As the sun hits the flowers and they start to blossom
pick up the cut grass bunches and start to toss em
At friends, and hope our happiness never ends
None cares what you’re wearing, don’t worry bout the trends
As long as you playing you don’t ever need to worry
Unless your playing hide an seek then you need to hurry
Those games and days are in bedded in me forever
Making friends all the time cus you wud play with whoever
Blue an white filled the skies it was so wonderful to see
In those days you was never wrongful just free
I had many dreams of people that I was going to be
“Im going to be a football player wont need a degree”
You can see, that back then my life was great
Not like now people are overwhelmed with hate
Back then you wouldn’t be on any side of the fence
The options were easier ............................
...................................I just walked through the gate
just leave links na ill get back to you on the feedback.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...95#post2491695
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...26#post2491726
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...47#post2491747
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...81#post2491781
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...49#post2492149
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...03#post2492503
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...75#post2492575
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that was dope bro
I had many dreams of people that I was going to be
“Im going to be a football player wont need a degree”
You can see, that back then my life was great
Not like now people are overwhelmed with hate
^^^ i feel that was the best part, nice use of multi
if you used multies you would be alot doper, apart from that i found it to be enjoyable to read
keep improvin, thanks for the feed on mine
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cheers bro much appreciated.
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this was good..i mentioned it on another peice yesterday
that's its good to see people picking different topics to write
about... and yes thos day you is talking about are the good days..
i didnt see many, but the ones i did...i enjoyed...
if life now these days could be like they were before...
i think the majority of us would have better lives...
anyway...it was a nice topic.. and you approached very well
and followed through with it the whole way through this...
rhyming was ok, it seemed pretty simple to me but that's fine
cause the consistency of the flow pulled the beginning of this
all the way to the end... u dun a gud j0b on this..
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Nice personal piece. You showed signs of complex rhyming, keep up the internals. You had some description, throwing the grass, and mentioning the sky helped to create the image. Some lines could have been worded morre smoothly so the internal rhymes were stressed more. For future topics that you may be less comfortable with, you may need to use better vocab to get your point across, but what you used worked here since the message was felt.
Thanks for checking out my piece.
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yeh thnx fro thr advice much appreciated
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ill though fa real,you did have some good imagery, a little bit of complexity in your rhymes,alot of emotion and your rhyme scheme was ill,structure was tight,brought back old memories,like back in tha day shit,this piece was nicely layed out and flowed smooth,all in all this piece was ill.keep droppin and elevatin.~1~
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This was cool. It flowed nicely, and It had great imagery, with the throwing of the grass, and the sun, and the sky. I could see everything in my mind. The rhymes were cool. The flow could have been made smoother in a couple lines, but other than that, I thought this was cool.
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This had a very nice flow and it was easy to read
I came home from school, readin a good rap is what i need
This one is the one that should be on the top
I can't wait to see ya next thread or drop
This had good rhymes
and took ya time
I liked how this was talkin about the past..
This thread will neva be.. eva be in last
keep it up bro, this was dope, man
i hope you can return the favor,if you can:)
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yeh bruv ill return the favour tomoz cus i gotta go out 2nite but defo tomoz ull have some feedback ! thnx
