Pain and Suffering

[Pen N' Paper]

Pain and Suffering

I feel a great discomfort in my mind, it is very serious
The acutely unpleasant physical discomfort I experience
Takes me to certain limits I can’t withstand with all my powers
Mind burning, cells destroyed, can explode like volcanoes in any hour
The pain why do I have to suffer from this… was this fate?
Want to escape the pain; I want to get out the narrowed gate
The hole is too small for me to fit but can I jump?
Still the pain in my mind figures out that I’m dumb
More suffering can come even if I try to leave it
Cells in me comes through my body so it bleeds it
Out of me, but I can still experience pain there’s no change
So vivid u can actually see the bloody words even on the page
No band-aids can stop the bleeding, I just must endure
No healing, no therapy, no remedy there’s merely no cure
Still pain and suffering can come back so its better just kept
Even how difficult it is to swallow the bitter pill and accept

[Pen N' Paper]

Links
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=197750
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=197806

[Obseen]

I feel a great discomfort in my mind, it is very serious
The acutely unpleasant physical discomfort I experience

nice use of multis and i liekd the line nice opener

Takes me to certain limits I can’t withstand with all my powers
Mind burning, cells destroyed, can explode like volcanoes in any hour
The pain why do I have to suffer from this… was this fate?
Want to escape the pain; I want to get out the narrowed gate

feeling these bars.

Out of me, but I can still experience pain there’s no change
So vivid u can actually see the bloody words even on the page

this is deep felt it alot.

Still pain and suffering can come back so its better just kept
Even how difficult it is to swallow the bitter pill and accept

nice ending liekd it .

overall very nice piece i liekd it alot the vocab was good wasnt t wordy just enought so any old reader can understand it felt it alot check my piee tomoz called "the good days"

[The Journalist]

Cool Shit Man Nice Structure Flow Was Cool Vocabulary Was Good Overall Flow Was Nice Decent Shit Hommie Keep It Dropping

[Pen N' Paper]

aight thnx for the comments really appreciate it plz more pplz tell me what ya feel bout this thnx in advance

[DJRizzle]

I feel a great discomfort in my mind, it is very serious
The acutely unpleasant physical discomfort I experience
Takes me to certain limits I can’t withstand with all my powers
Mind burning, cells destroyed, can explode like volcanoes in any hour
The pain why do I have to suffer from this… was this fate?
Want to escape the pain; I want to get out the narrowed gate
The hole is too small for me to fit but can I jump?
Still the pain in my mind figures out that I’m dumb

i think this cuda been more vivid but i like the structure and the flow was fine i think u forced it a bit but it still was pretty good

[Pen N' Paper]

^^what kinda explanation is that man^^

uppin this

[sILLable]

this piece was ill but the bars were to stretched,therefor kinda jacked up your rhyme scheme a little bit,wordplay was aiight,vocab was good,your rhyme scheme would have been better but tha bars were stretched,that goes for how smooth it could have and should have flowed,slow down tha rhyme and dont try and stretch ya shit so much,had mad potential though,no hate just critique,keep droppin and elevatin.~1~

[Duval]

Yo, you had a nice flow. I loved the Vocabulary. I liked in that one line when you said So vivid u can actually see the bloody words even on the page. Then you made the end of that sentence red. That was really nice. I also liked the structure of this piece. It was an overall 9.5/10. Kepp posting OMs. I would like to see more work from you. RTF the link is in my sig. ~1~

[Pen N' Paper]

okthnx diverse yea man thats ok for bein truthful man yea no hate man thnx alot and duval thnx for sayin thats was 9.5/10 really appreciate that ill get ur OM's as soon as i can ok thnx for ur comments pplz
uppin this again

[Pen N' Paper]

uppin #1 on wednesday plz leave feedback ok thnx

[Trema]

Pain and Suffering

I feel a great discomfort in my mind, it is very serious
The acutely unpleasant physical discomfort I experience
--->Takes me to certain limits I can’t withstand with all my powers
Mind burning, cells destroyed, can explode like volcanoes in any hour
^^^Good rhymes,nice wordplay.

The pain why do I have to suffer from this… was this fate?
Want to escape the pain; I want to get out the narrowed gate
^^^Deep, nice!

I like this piece kiddo, i've highlighted the parts in red i like the most! This piece had a good structure and i was feeling the flow! All round this is a good piece!