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Modern Martial Arts
Modern Martial Arts
hold a fist up for that kid who took a few hits
this is his ballad hell this is his broken wrist
this is his broken nose
. . . . . . . . .when it soaked up in his clothes
and he smiled a big ass smile
. . . . . . . . for the pain would help him grow
God knows this kid found so much joy
using this equation he was happy from a boy
every body shot and slap
built a shotty rock of mass
but the blood had built to clots
the limestone into tracks
and they never understood
he was the only one to smile
while his face was beat prefusly
when she'd say "hes just a child"
on that day he peeped a man
his sister never need understand
why his mother never felt a hand
why he never ever feared
for that day would be damn clear
when he would teach his father dear
what he had learned from his drunk ass, all those 17 years
done for a league and for my father.
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This was a decent verse, the structure was ok the vocab and flow were average but the subject was close to you so the rhymes were personal.
Overall a decent drop make your verses a bit longer and you'll get more feedback.
Return the favour.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=172018
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mostly i'd agree with above.. Decent being the first thought that comes to mind
i like it tho iz coo sr8
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Anytime you write about something thats important to you, you have the potential to come up with a good piece. I think your vocab was a little average but I think you on the right track Decent verse.
Return the favor check out one of my peices: Triple Homicide or Dear Social Services Worker. Holla
