User Tag List

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Showing results 1 to 15 of 16

Thread: Hell's Meal

  1. #1
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Manhattan, NY
    Posts
    6,048
    Battle Record
    34-13

    Hell's Meal

    He was sober from first to sixth grade, drug free,
    cuz liquor will kill ya liver, & stokes'll make u ugly,
    But his poisened friends would say the contrary,
    trying to change his ways, peer pressure's scary,
    So one night, to shut them up, he went to a crib,
    and drank his first corona, & got drunk off his wig,
    Alcohol enslaved him, & it lead him to be curious,
    so he tried a ciggerate, felt layed back & delirous,
    Then his friend told him, fuck a cig, blunts is funner,
    cigs don't make the same effect, enjoy ya summer,
    So he did, smoked his first blunt, & coughed happy,
    feeling like a grown man, a seventh grade mack g,
    Fucken a new bitch every weekend, & cutting class,
    but still managing to pass, since his principle's an ass,
    Summer, the heat made him crave for a new medicen,
    his coke head friend had connects to the cinnamin,
    It went up his nose, his nostrils got envaded by yay,
    he sniffed like a police dog, searching for his prey,
    First time doin white lines, converted into every day,
    a ninth grade coke head, he started pushen for pay,
    He was chillen with his buddies, his boy had shrooms,
    ain't comen clean, couldn't brush like broken brooms,
    So he copped a bag, and wanted a new experience,
    it was now more serious, he started seeing eerie shit,
    He visualized shit that wasn't there, he didn't blink,
    colors combined and saw actions of evil to his drink,
    Someone placed a pill in his cup, and told him to chug,
    he was shroomed up and buggin, so he took the ex drug,
    It was now worse, mushshrooms & ex made a sick team,
    alcholic pot, coke, shroom, and ex head by age sixteen,
    Eleventh grader, and still passen class, same principle,
    pcp made him feel invincible, his sins were now invisible,
    His parents didn't notice his sleepy eyes, and pale face,
    no curfew, so one late night, he chilled at this dark place,
    His friends told him about acid, and how it's worth tryin,
    so he tried it, and ended up acid trippin, while cryin,
    He looked up at the moon, & began to scream a curse at it,
    a 12th grader, and then needles made him a heroin addict,
    He woke up one evening, looked up at the mirror in shock,
    cuz it was like lookin at a skeleton, realization's on lock,
    Pale as a ghost, and always having a painful sore throat,
    it's like he adapted to a new food, and his brain cell's broke,
    Shattered and ashame of himself, alcohol scented tears,
    jumped off of his cheek bones, splashed into bloody fears,
    He reminised his elementary days, flashbacks stuck a sticker,
    & how he was once a sober kid, who hated drugs & liquor,
    So now he owes a lot of money, pushen made him paranoid,
    dealers want his life now, so he takes speed and steroids,
    An official missle in his brain, cops whip a pistol to this game,
    so he turned himself in, waiting for the police, going insane,
    So b4 the cops could arrive, he reached under his matress,
    sniffed his coke, smoked, took shrooms and leak'd on his acid,
    His lighter lit up, and he burned his stash, while he overdosed,
    cops arrived minutes later, found him wasted at the most,
    They saw him on the floor, a dead angel, who seemed to heal,
    the devil invited him to his home, and he fed off Hell's Meal,

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...93#post2088293
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...97#post2088297

  2. #2
    REAL
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Age
    35
    Posts
    755
    Battle Record
    11-5
    Great story moe.......i could relate to at first but then it got madd crazzy.......good description and story telling...........you never cease to amaze me and im not dick riden... dope drop moe i say its worth a nomination but i dont think im gonna do it cuz the las time i did i was called a d/r..........but surely someone else will realize how good this peice is and give it its recognition.........

  3. #3
    Banned Dios de Hip Hop's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    36
    Posts
    6,954
    Battle Record
    31-2
    nice...this had a good flavor to it and your flow was ill.
    story telling is reminiscent to the old days, where people
    wern't worried about dictionary words and more about truth
    i think your peice holds some amount of truth.

  4. #4
    Kid A Stuff'd Aminol's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    34
    Posts
    1,989
    Battle Record
    7-9
    this was dope, story was well told and flow carried it quite well, it was well told in the events leading up to the end and the last line was a good way to finish it off, the only suggestion i have for you is to maybie up your imagery because although you made things quite clear at times, it came to lack detailed imagery at some parts, but it still was well able to keep me reading, so dope drop

    btw, could you maybe hit up one of the links in my sig

  5. #5
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Manhattan, NY
    Posts
    6,048
    Battle Record
    34-13
    thx for the feedback.

  6. #6
    Newbie element's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    ct
    Age
    37
    Posts
    45
    im feelin this. its afast paced story with real feeling.
    long enough. keep on peace

  7. #7
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    QuEEns BriDge
    Posts
    39
    Battle Record
    0-1
    yo dis was a great storie really feelin the flo nice werds cupple of multie i saw but overall it was pretty good reall deep i giv it a 8/10

  8. #8
    GED tha team Lil Cap0ne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    chicago
    Age
    34
    Posts
    2,329
    Battle Record
    8-8
    nice story was long but thats good lol

    good flow good structure keep it up

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    [YOUTUBE]e5jlLl0JU04[/YOUTUBE]

  9. #9
    Ink Thesis
    Guest
    a decent story that connected quite well and stayed consistent all the way thru... real nice description of each new event leading the kid to his life getting worse day by day... real sick part, was...

    "It was now worse, mushshrooms & ex made a sick team,
    alcholic pot, coke, shroom, and ex head by age sixteen,"

    these 2 lines kinda revealed how when u start all that shit, it jus keeps growin in u, and time passes so fast u become what u never imagined (in relation to your story) in such a short time... dope...

    ending was sick too... anyway real nice story, just needed better vocab. and a better rhyme scheme... but its ok. since it was on some real shit and actually has a theme (in my opinion) or a lesson that needs to be taught...

    please hit up Mercury Fitteds in my sig

    peace

  10. #10
    Po'Ethics
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    London
    Age
    37
    Posts
    1,212
    Battle Record
    6-4
    This was a nice story... Really nice rhyming... Nice flow... Structure was a bit dodgy but no big problem. I really felt the storyline... Seen this happen all too much and seeing it in rhyme form was nice.

    There's not much more I can say.. Post more!

    Check out "Messiah Complex" in my sig please...

    Peace
    Po'Ethics Lives

  11. #11
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    848
    This was a nice story with a dope appearance to it....If you had gave it some italic type of typing feel, it would have made me feel better but i loved this piece and how creative you came with it...Keep uppining and dropping!

  12. #12
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Manhattan, NY
    Posts
    6,048
    Battle Record
    34-13
    uppin
    leave links to your open mics just like Ink Thesis and Deviate did.

  13. #13
    REAL
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Age
    35
    Posts
    755
    Battle Record
    11-5
    yo moe could you pls hit this open mic up.......
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=172421

  14. #14
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Manhattan, NY
    Posts
    6,048
    Battle Record
    34-13
    Thx for the feeback ya'll.
    anymore?...this is my last uppin for this peice.

  15. #15
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    188
    Nice strory line, Good read, Could've been better but I liked how for nost of the part you stay on topic, Keep droppin son...

Similar Threads

  1. Your Perfect Meal?..
    By RXL in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 29
    Last Post: May 13th, 2009, 01:08 AM
  2. Favourite Meal/ Snack
    By Jonezy in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 53
    Last Post: January 5th, 2007, 09:26 PM
  3. opeys last meal.....*for vanja*
    By RXL in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: March 6th, 2006, 06:04 PM
  4. Best combo meal of all time...
    By Sergio... in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: April 28th, 2005, 08:11 PM
  5. Your Fav Thanksgiving meal?.
    By RXL in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: November 26th, 2004, 12:10 AM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •