Sittin here

[E-Lude]

It probably don't make sense.i was just pissed off.


Sittin here straight trippin so high out my mind,
I start playin my whole life forwards in rewind.
The truth is i hate what i see and only see what i hate,
Time ran out and i started to late.
Im sick and tired of fuckin up,thats all i do
So i scream out FUCK YOU.
I stick up my two fingers to show them eleven like i did at birth.
They say heavens on earth but im trapped in hell,
lost all my loved ones that new me well.
Everyone can tell that i ain't drivin,
Its time to man up and n use what i was given,
can't enjoy life if i don't start live.

[Baron Mynd]

Heh ..

It seemed keyed up, but i think if you put your mind to it you could become a decent writer here .. the opening two lines show you've got an idea of what good writing is, clashes like that are used by a LOT of good writers, i'll tell you that. Your main aspect to improve on is the rhyme structure, go for words of more than one syllable and try to include more multi's and internals into what you write. Topics like this have been done many, MANY times before - if your gonna start off, try to write to original topics, heartfelt stuff, with imagery and emotion in them, dont just stick to generic topics when your thinking.

Just a bit of advice for ya. = )

Reply if you get time: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=95933

[Maven.]

reply to three open mics, and post links to your replies in this thread or it gets deleted.
thanks.

[Diverse]

hey man, it's all good, everyone can relate to a verse like that...
i'm sure we've all written some shit like that when were just trippin out....