white with a mike

[Echo]

Replied to

Penskills
Rural Thug
Bruklor

I've fractured every facite of my fatal existance
breaking bones in my brain to borrow a life
the luxurious life of the emcee in strife
suffering with sorrows soaking me 'till i'm white
i painted my body black so i could fit in
but i'm butting into a beautiful black existance
rippn' versus until my vicious throught is cashed
smoking in the soaked alley until i'm totally smashed

[Endeva.]

why do poeple drop such short verses????... but what was there was ok.. from the title thought it would be bout sumthin else... jus make em longer... pZ... not much to comment on...lol...

[Mistral]

Yeah this was alright.....you should make your drops longer than what you have so we can give you better feedback, probably atleast 10 lines....but your structure was good....try adding some multies to this...but keep at it.

[Chaotic Tyrant]

that was quite nice....but yeah maybe a little short...still... big up

[Penskills]

..Short but a nice verse...your wordplay was much much better than your last post..

~~~Go Vote on this Battle~~~

[Echo]

this is a funny story. the reason it is so short is because i was keystyling at school. my teacher walked in and looked at my computer screen and asked me what i was doing. i told him i was getting rid of popups. i had to stop right there. i didnt want him to think i was fucked up. these old people dont understand rap. lol. thanks for the feedback.

[Rural Thug]

short drop, pretty disapointin as cud have quite a bit of potential,needs to be more complex

[Echo]

Uppin for feedback.......................................... .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ..............

[Ron B. Vicious]

dope but it was 2 short

[G ShYNE]

yo penskills you a fuckin lame......that aint yo girl... thats lee hyo lee....... ahahaha you's a bird you dident think there was any koreans here ha? well Im here mother fucker.. tha korean lyricist shutin yo shit down!!!!!!!

[Forlorn]

to short

[And Death]

Likes:
structure - lines were close to the same length which made the structure good
flow - line length and structure was good which made for a nice flow

Dislikes:
Length - too short, not enough to see your true talent or to get interested in the piece
vocabulary - there were some good use of words but could of been more discriptive
rhyme scheme - there were lines that rhymed but some didn't at all, seeming as though they didn't even belong
complexity - peice was simple as though there wasn't much thought put into what you wrote

^constructive criticism...

[one soul]

short as shit and wack as shit!

[Echo]

more feedback.......................................... .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ....