Internal Warfare

[The Vortex]

Internal Warfare




The passion pours impatiently as he pauses… on thoughts
caught-up in a lost world - his calculations just make noughts…
& crosses the thin line, - while divine forces never seem to listen
just imagine an inner prison where realism meets idealism…
a cataclysm of events taking-place within the soul of a living
being praising the all seeing seems to do nothing, - but curse him
now for the worse part his heart has healed, - but is still hurting
uncertain, so he stays away from those that play mind-games
unstable in a way, - unable to say why each day is a pain…
since birth his worthiness has decreased to less than shit
no-one can help him quick, - not a priest, nor a nurse’s prescript
therefore, he sees sickness nestle in the thickness of his skin…
realising that if Eli won’t help him… - he’ll just never win…;

Brain & limbs become numb in this glum pit where he lives
it’s the opposite of cliché the way he forgets, yet never forgives
shivers sent down his spine reminds him of times traumatic
raw static raising the hairs, thriving on fear, he’s a sure addict
reaching radical realms - which rise above the laws of average
but his known knowledge drifts as if its existence is surplus
in this circus called life, - rife with disturbance that murders
or mauls self-assurance on purpose like knives stuck in girders…;
sitting in the half-lotus position, forever feeling fucking nervous
imagining a shitty future, knowing he probably deserves it
since the sins he commits brings him to way less than perfect
personal conflict twists his guts into palpitations & knots
the sun is lost in this darkness where spirits stay in the frost…

He asks GOD, “What’s the use in me existing without adore?”
bleeding inside, - he wonders why the Lord seems to ignore
his screams from the heart… leading him to doubt all-the-more
reading biblical scripts, he now insists, “Life is all about a war”







.

[The Vortex]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=325423
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=326328

[Forum]

This piece was very well written...the imagery was up to par...theword choice was pretty good for the most part...it got kinda choppy at the end though...but seem'd to bring out the descriptive side of the piece...the emotion was evident...the take on the topic and itself as a whole was creative ....overall this was a pretty good read and it's evident you're a good writer...Keep it up....and RTFplz!

[ßLÄÇK JÖKÈR]

Wow this shit was really deeeeeeeeeep, you got mad talent homie.... *whimpers* I envy you man<3 Inform me when you make a new write cause this shit was really something I liked to read... Life Is All About War Sadly to say

[The Vortex]

yeah^^

[urban legendz]

This was alright could've used some improvements in some key areas, some words you used just didn't fit in with this and the imagery was kind've bleek I couldn't really get into this like I wanted do to the wording, but anywho, the sstory line was actually pretty good and the voocab was up to par, but the language lacked, but it had an ambundancy of emotion. please rtf on my links with'n my sig fam.

[The Vortex]

yeah thanks for checking it out,even if i dont quite understand what exactly the wording problem is????????.perhaps its your personal prefference.

but yeah the piece was about emotion for me so cool you picked up on that



yeah ill look for yo piece

[Eternal Skills]

This was really deep, and i really like that. creativity was nice. flow was good for the most part, in a few areas it fell of slightly. structure was good. rhymes and multies were good. and wording choice was chosen well. imagery and emotion was amazing throughout and overall just a really good peice.

hit up my peice.

[urban legendz]

Please Return The Favor Leave Quality Feed On This Link.

[The Vortex]

thanx 4 checkin it out, i checked your pieces yo

[Rant]

I thought you did a pretty good job, maybe try to be a bit more complex in your OM's and they couldbe very good, but the structure and content and overall idea were all very nice, props.

[sILLable]

i thought this piece was creative......your rhyme scheme lacked ina few places..tha way its structured..tha bars end in tha wrong places...keep elevatin on that and youll get it..i did enjoy the emotion...could def use more complexity...your vocab was basic but it worked for this piece very nicely....other than those few flaws..this piece was tight..keep elevatin and droppin.~1~

[Molotav]

Well I must say this was an okay peice though you seemed to put too many hyphens in it though thats what helped the overall flow of this drop, you do need some more work on imagery yo be honest it was put together well but I dont really like how you sent the message add a twist to it, you know if you watched any of the saw movies they all have twist that leads to one thing to another, there is those type of topics and this was one of those...I also think you could have been more creative during the ending when you started I thought to myself "Okay, This might be good" then at some parts it fell off of flow and got choppy a bit, you vocab was okay though they diction of other parts were a bit weak so yeah work on tyhose area, it was a decent peice.

[The Vortex]

yeah thanx for the lookouts yo f'sho

[P. Mortuus]

This was a good piece, a lil unpolished for your usual stuff but good no doubt. i liked the rhyming and it as usual, helped the flow a lot with the inners/multies w/e.
The flow was good for the majority and easy to pick up imo, imagery can be juiced up more. though i liked the twisting of usual quotes which i like in your pieces as usual i.e. the forgive but never forgets ish.

All in all, good work, was meant to check it out earlier but got caught up in coursework etc. Stay up^ man.