Massacred Talisman

[Mariah]

Massacred Talisman
3 Broken Titles

Mass Acred Talisman
The body of Jesus hangs over hearts
Grinning souls of demons, attacking starts
From parables spoken by this martyr
We learn trust and "say" we'd walk on water
But the faith is weak, we are lamen sheep
The same deceit that still remains discreet
Murder! Blashphemy! When does it all stop?
Some say it was deserved, that's not far off
But it was us who deserved the pain felt
Heaven has experienced my same Hell
It's a toss up, live or cut the boss up
The latter we use to put the cross up

Massacred Talisman
The man's amazing! Who stands with Satan?
Not people of Earth, just those who hate him
Flogged and chained, the life quickly weakening
Masses still fear this man who is bleeding
The striking blows with nine-tails in all spots
But the worst, unnoticed, in this small plot
Hands and feet pinned WITH OUR OWN transgression
Skin torn and ripped, and no learned lesson
Fate is in his heart, but our hearts hurt too
"Father, forgive them..." was our last heard truth

Ma's Sacred Talisman
Chosen and broken, a mother blessed
Tears on the face of a wretched peasant
Loving and kind, finding nothing is blind
It's funny to find one stunning to mind
So immaculate, it mattered to her
The embodiment that raptures the Earth
Abundant with great, but consumed by hate
The next part of life, he chooses her fate
To give his own self and die upon will
As images blackened, the blood was spilled
Saddened from the pain, her ducts wept for he
She whispered "Jesus died, in front of me"

[Mariah]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=325699
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=325772

[Mariah]

uppin this...meanies

[Illus']

But the faith is weak, we are lamen sheep
The same deceit that still remains discreet
Murder! Blashphemy! When does it all stop?
Some say it was deserved, that's not far off
But it was us who deserved the pain felt
Heaven has experienced my same Hell
It's a toss up, live or cut the boss up
The latter we use to put the cross up

Pretty good lines could have worded it
a bit better... So that the reader can
fully understand.. however I understood
it or got my own meaning out of it .. was
kina weird unique style hmm

anyway a spiritual appraoch is good something
I usually attack on. nice rhyme scheme
here and there not that consistant but that
doesn't matter most.. content wasn't great
but good... especially for someone at
your age level...


nicely done.

[Junio]

delete

[Mariah]

Thank you both and Junio...I'll get to that soon

[sILLable]

not bad...i liked tha rhyme scheme....it flowed pretty well for your age...nice vocab and wordplay....i di tha concept..not many people spit about religion anymore....its almost become something thats cliche' to speak about..it disgusts me how ignorant some people are born....liked tha piece though...it was a bit choppy here and there in tha middle...but it was laid out very nicely....i liked what bit of complexity you incorporated within this piece....not bad at all...keep droppin and elevatin.~1~

[RaidersArk]

i like it...it was good.....good concept to....Elavate and your be
GREAT
i thought i was really good.....

[Tragedian.]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...75#post5488075
Hit that^


This was real nice, though your opener didn't really get me into the piece all that much, you had some pretty good flow though a couple of lines seemed forced, your vocab was pretty good, maybe a twist or something would've made this piece better it just didn't seem to intrest me to much, I've seen alot better from you, keep up girl.

[soulstice.]

nice job here, i think the way to open the three stanzas was very creative, and th epiece flowed pretty well, but i think you sorta forced your rhymes in places by a little, trying to make them complex, remember complex rhymes always beat poetical schemes No matter what, very strong emotion from you as well, the entire concept was very interesting, and the imagery injected into this piece was strong as well.. good job. here

[Supremacy]

this piece was good. I like the rhyme scheme that you decided to use. You had nice vocab and wordplay, and also your flow was pretty good. I liked the concept in this piece, as it is a topic seen rarely these days. You laid the piece out nicely, and it wasn't over complex, but had definite thought behind it. Not bad, keep upp^

[TbDavis]

ive seen this b4 lol. this verse beat me...well this was really a good verse u elevated alot since that collab taht we did. this verse had a great storyline filled with emotion i would have never thought of those verses for that topic. but u had decent vocab. emotion was great. flow was good. choppy at times doe. the rhyme skeme was sipmle but good enough for the verse really a good peice. i give u a round of applause for the elevatiion u did..

RTF

[Truth Iscariot]

i liked the way you played with the topic that made it yours and very original you kept this religous thing going in it as well and in the last segment i didn't know how you were gonna pull that off
nice piece

[Engivale]

fuckin feed got deleted, sorry, I'll leave feed on this tomorrow I just thought about it I left u like a big long feed and maybe I'm hoping u caught it, but if not, lemme know I'll dissect it again for ya.

[Junio]

just to let yall know she doesnt reply back if you drop a link.