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Thread: The 1-2 Steps to getting nowhere

  1. #1

    The 1-2 Steps to getting nowhere

    I take the path almost always traveled
    simply for the fact they're selling road maps,
    and throwing bread crumbs
    below the old tracks;
    but it seams as though this walk of life
    is growing stale,
    as I can't decipher the tread from gravel
    heads and rolling shale.
    a home I know

    only by ambiguity.

    and, I've got to find a better use
    for these forks-
    the taste of anxiety and metaphor
    are all I've had for the past four
    last suppers on the forest floor;
    washing down the taste of hypocrisy
    with skeletal apology-
    wondering why my company is dead
    and I'm the only eulogy
    who seems
    to hit the nail on the head.

    I'm running low on cunning comebacks
    for exactly why I've yet to back track
    these overlapping memories-
    but there's just something in those oaks
    I find unusually beautiful

    although,
    oddly remote.

    all along, I've been trying to follow
    in your footsteps,
    but your shoes have proved far too big-
    and between the tears
    and sour looks
    I've reached a point of sinking shores
    and bridgless brooks.

    this is looking
    more like before with ever step
    I forget for next time-

    without any reason why.

    putting one foot in front of another
    is for agile fairytales:
    because all I got was a flat tire
    and a painful case of mistrust and failure.
    I even sang the song to recreate the atmosphere,
    but I'm a little off key
    and even a little more lost,
    and eve is falling with the awning of frost.

    so I stop walking in circles
    and try on a square.

    making the angles right
    didn't leave me with anymore direction-
    because two wrongs
    actually make a left
    and I left four mistakes along the way
    to my own digression.

    learning from my past
    taught me the discern of alzheimer's;
    five more miles to the smile
    I don't even think I've ever met
    but wish to find before
    yours.

    I'll never get a leg up

    without the feet you swept from under me-
    and I've come to see there's no tortuise
    for me to archetype,
    but only the head of hair
    you've won by while I collected
    the 1-2 steps

    to getting nowhere.
    Last edited by Atti; February 7th, 2007 at 03:17 PM
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  2. #2

    Re: The 1-2 Steps to getting nowhere

    ha, I finally got some feed on this and it gets sweeped.
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  3. #3
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: The 1-2 Steps to getting nowhere

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=326122



    wow, I LOVE your shit atti ..it's amazing how you can be so completely original every single time you write. you've got metaphors out the asshole that I've never seen or heard, and it's just been a pleasure reading your stuff through the time I've been here. your vocabulary is always off the charts too, and anyone can tell you're a well educated man when it comes to English writing and meanings. You use these words in ways I've never dreamed of using them. The piece itself, the topic, was crazy too. I like how you show the steps of this person and how to get nowhere fast through all these metaphors.

    making the angles right
    didn't leave me with anymore direction-
    because two wrongs
    actually make a left
    and I left four mistakes along the way
    to my own digression.

    ^that was awsome. loved it. thank you for being you atti ..

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    Re: The 1-2 Steps to getting nowhere

    yea flows well. i know some say poems dont flow more for the sake of rythym ,, but this flows ,.like i like to make my poems flow.

    i felt you had a nie imagery potrayal within the Lines even using the rhymes to add imagery instead of just rhyming........... cool,,,,
    emotion seemem to be there also............ nice usage of vocab.smooth.,
    nice mixture of metaphors as well .....
    ill not be bothered to look for flaws, if there are any......


    nice joint


    pz
    Last edited by The Vortex; February 10th, 2007 at 01:20 PM
    .................................................. ......................

  5. #5
    Fear Before The March Foreshadow's Avatar
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    Re: The 1-2 Steps to getting nowhere

    I replied to this poem but it didnt show so what the hell..

    Atti? this poem was amazing.. I love the feeling I got when I read it aloud to myself. The way every word flowed together just to create this visual in my mind was really good. The content was good. I like the whole overall message and the creativity behind this poem. I could'nt think of something like this nice job.

  6. #6
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: The 1-2 Steps to getting nowhere

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=326120
    ^^
    hit that pls.

    this is a nice piece here atti.. you came well off with your originality again. the way your word your poems really gets to me cus i cant do that and ou make it seem so damn EASY!... the content in this was nice.. the flow of things and ho wit was easy to read yet complexed through the whole story was just down right rightiious you fucker!...lol. the transition from stanza to stanza aswell was koo i liked the travel map concept and the tracks line as your opener... it was koo... lol. it made me think wow... nice metaphors there.. lol. i like all your poems mostly cus of the emotion you put forth with your wording backin it up....

    i really like this one atti.
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  7. #7
    Im[SUPER]sOnIc.gEtExCiTeD KayBori's Avatar
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    Re: The 1-2 Steps to getting nowhere

    Quote Originally Posted by .. atti?
    I take the path almost always traveled
    simply for the fact they're selling road maps,
    and throwing bread crumbs
    below the old tracks;
    but it seams as though this walk of life
    is growing stale,
    as I can't decipher the tread from gravel
    heads and rolling shale.
    a home I know

    only by ambiguity.

    and, I've got to find a better use
    for these forks-
    the taste of anxiety and metaphor
    are all I've had for the past four
    last suppers on the forest floor;
    washing down the taste of hypocrisy
    with skeletal apology-
    wondering why my company is dead
    and I'm the only eulogy
    who seems
    to hit the nail on the head.

    I'm running low on cunning comebacks
    for exactly why I've yet to back track
    these overlapping memories-
    but there's just something in those oaks
    I find unusually beautiful

    although,
    oddly remote.

    all along, I've been trying to follow
    in your footsteps,
    but your shoes have proved far too big-
    and between the tears
    and sour looks
    I've reached a point of sinking shores
    and bridgless brooks.

    this is looking
    more like before with ever step
    I forget for next time-

    without any reason why.

    putting one foot in front of another
    is for agile fairytales:
    because all I got was a flat tire
    and a painful case of mistrust and failure.
    I even sang the song to recreate the atmosphere,
    but I'm a little off key
    and even a little more lost,
    and eve is falling with the awning of frost.

    so I stop walking in circles
    and try on a square.

    making the angles right
    didn't leave me with anymore direction-
    because two wrongs
    actually make a left
    and I left four mistakes along the way
    to my own digression.

    learning from my past
    taught me the discern of alzheimer's;
    five more miles to the smile
    I don't even think I've ever met
    but wish to find before
    yours.

    I'll never get a leg up

    without the feet you swept from under me-
    and I've come to see there's no tortuise
    for me to archetype,
    but only the head of hair
    you've won by while I collected
    the 1-2 steps

    to getting nowhere.
    It was beautiful


    "all along, I've been trying to follow
    in your footsteps,
    but your shoes have proved far too big-
    and between the tears
    and sour looks
    I've reached a point of sinking shores
    and bridgless brooks."

    relatable although when I read I didn't feel it in the moment but in a past tense. Your visonary is amazing and you make your words so weet. I love the way you flow thru out your whole poem. Very well executed
    Keep up your simply amazing!

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  8. #8
    fast.
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    Re: The 1-2 Steps to getting nowhere

    really well written, i really enjoy your style,
    it's like looking through frosted glass, it's really
    hard to see what's behind it, but you can still
    figure it out.

    the way you describe things is solid, one of your
    best features "agile fairytales" etc. i really dug the
    two wrongs don't make a right bit - it was a well
    worded way to use a very common cliche/wordplay
    in a unique way. you could take a played concept
    and make it fresh just because your writing is that
    refreshing. definately liked this, good subject matter,
    well executed - really captured the human condition.
    fastforwords.>>
    //WordPerfect

  9. #9
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Re: The 1-2 Steps to getting nowhere

    D-O-P-E <-----that's all the feed you're getting























    lol jp, this was dope as fuck dude, I looove your poetry, It's hard to decide which is better, your topicals or your poetry, both are always illy as fuck. I was feeling this whole piece the imagery was beautiful, and the metaphors were amazing, that's one thing I have always admired about you, your ability to come up with such dope metaphors, I seriously don't know anyone on this site, that can do it better than you. emotion was very very strong in this piece, you really know how to write a captivating poem, your word usage is phenomenal, you are a true poet, and I hope you keep writing poems, because if you do I shall keep on reading. you are a smart mother fucker lol that is clear, I would never have thought of something like this. this was dope as fuck dude, props, and keep dropping that illy poetry

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