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Thread: Godfather of Soul.

  1. #1
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    Godfather of Soul.

    Please remind,
    Those that I leave behind,
    That life was a piece of mine, and
    I'm at peace of mind.
    .
    .
    1933-1953
    A racist quarter,
    Where blatant torture remained; I was raised in Georgia,
    Pain would exchange with horror; Staggering in defeat,
    I was thrown in the ditches, savages in the streets,
    Basking in deceit; Frolicking in its portions,
    Robbing from the rich, pocketing my misfortunes,
    This option was distorted; This force pierced my vision,
    The blur from greed brought the four years of prison,
    This course cleansed my image; I was faced with flaws,
    But my voice carried me, with my faith in God,
    I was placed at odds, but my options opened with,
    My chance to live as a gospel vocalist.
    .
    .
    1953-1958
    The Famous Flames,
    That was us, as we changed our names,
    Now Gospel was the past, we rearranged the game,
    With up tempo beats; We acknowledged the roots,
    With mainstream appeal combining gospel and blues,
    We gained a following youth; Never dreamed this far,
    And I evolved as one; The bands leading star,
    Just at ease, in awe; On the road, in spots,
    While my debut song just rose the charts,
    A molded art; I was anxious, and,
    On the way to stardom,
    I would make some friends,
    Michael Jackson, Aretha; My heart desired,
    Mr. Richard's views;
    His art, retired,
    One of the greatest to live,
    It ended regrets,
    But I stopped my tour,
    Just to give him respect,
    But give it a rest?
    I had a vicious plan,
    So I added new members,
    And picked his band,
    Who would've known,
    That I would actually live to favor,
    My life on the upside, as an innovator.
    .
    .
    1959-2006
    My music became a ritual, bigger,
    Sending a message as a racial political figure,
    Sold out shows, the crowd so ecstatic, and loud,
    Off of the movement that started 'I'm Black and I'm Proud',
    The lavish lifestyles, was just so addictive and such,
    The late nights out, and being a victim of drugs,
    Living it up, my songs now revealed a presence,
    That will stick forever; An appealing legend,
    And built in essence, so real and sacred,
    That I became the one- The billboard's favorite,
    I'm feeling so patient; Through all of the pain,
    Then I was praised; Inducted in the Hall of Fame,
    Though all I gained,
    There still was tears, then hell,
    And curses followed me;
    Bringing six more years of jail.
    .
    .
    1991-2006
    I learned a lot; To model and grow,
    During my time alone, and off of parole,
    Who would've known,

    That I would ever be this,
    Man of high praise,
    Lifetime Achievements,
    And disguised in these gifts,
    They should follow as oath,
    To never forget me,
    The only Godfather of Soul





    James Joseph Brown, Jr.
    1933-2006


    -Nique.
    Last edited by Nique.; July 18th, 2007 at 07:42 PM
    AI. Legendary.
    19x HOF. Seven Titles. 50.

  2. #2
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  3. #3

    Re: Godfather of Soul.

    I loved all of the content, the flow, historically accurate/factual approach, everything.. except that format. ha, I haaaaate that style of breaking lines with a cama at the every half point. something about it, I can just never get a steady vibe of anything because I feel like the pauses feel fake, and it just leaves the story less realistic for some reason.. gives it a nursery rhyme feel. I mean, that's pretty minor though, especially since contectually this piece was great. there were a ton of quotables, metaphors that I wish I wrote and that sort. nice job, the structure just wasn't my personal favorite, but regardless of that this was pretty faultless.
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  4. #4
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    Re: Godfather of Soul.

    Thanks.

    Lazy asses.
    AI. Legendary.
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  5. #5
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    Re: Godfather of Soul.

    OM section has lost it's art. Full of newbies and friends who read and nominate one another for HOF pieces.
    AI. Legendary.
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  6. #6
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    Re: Godfather of Soul.

    WOW DIS WAS REAL DEEP...i was defenitly feelin it..i think u should put dis on track its to good to be on rb

  7. #7
    Rock you in the Face Sir Skiddz SoPhrenic's Avatar
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    Re: Godfather of Soul.

    really good piece. It was a fitting tribute to james brown, and the references to his life were on point. your style definately was the star here though, because that is what made the piece a whole lot better. The rhyme scheme was definately a factor, and it made for an interesting and heartfelt piece, definately one of the better open mics i read today(since i started coming back today)
    Hence Forward.. BURR!
    [YOUTUBE]seYxVBIsycE[/YOUTUBE]
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  8. #8
    The Notorious E.N.G. Engivale's Avatar
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    Re: Godfather of Soul.

    Nice job, Nique, but I dunno, it's like, this feels so nostaligiac right now... if that's even how you spell it... I just don't have the emotion right now so soon after he died to get into this piece. You did great with the rhyme scheme as always, I really wanted to point that out, but the whole James Brown thing seems a little soon for a tribute, I think some thoughts need to be gathered. You're almost begging for attention with a James Brown thing right now, you gotta let the whole thing settle and then come back and write something... at least, to me, anyways.... Still well written, I just wasn't astounded or anything, topic was just too soon.

    A.I.

    "She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."


  9. #9
    It's Willie Baby Willy B's Avatar
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    Re: Godfather of Soul.

    hmmmm dope....

    word nique still got it huh?, nice flow not often i've seen a piece flow like that, dope scheme as well liked that a fair bit....good topic as well using his life and how it was duing the time periods was dope as well few dope lines

    1933-1953
    A racist quarter,
    Where blatant torture remained; I was raised in Georgia

    that really stood out dope opener here

    Famous Flames,
    That was us, as we changed our names,
    Now Gospel was the past, we rearranged the game,

    thought this was real nice as well good use of music history an shit

    this was a real good tribute piece no doubt....really good piece alround really.

    did real good nique......stay up.

    didn't you win the RM league not long ago?

  10. #10
    productions :) Paze's Avatar
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    Re: Godfather of Soul.

    Intro was nice, I love it when rhymes start with dates.
    This was a sort of timescale pice that made me appreiate it more with events being mentioned. The comparisons between old and new are well-described.
    You could have added some multis in for experimentation but the way you worded was complicated enough without multis if that makes sense.

    It ended regrets,
    But I stopped my tour,
    Just to give him respect,
    But give it a rest?
    I had a vicious plan,
    So I added new members,
    And picked his band,
    Who would've known,
    That I would actually live to favor,
    My life on the upside, as an innovator.
    These lines MADE the piece. The main fact about them being that they didn't rhyme which made these lines stand out and you well-emphasised them through this.

    They should follow as oath,
    To never forget me,
    The only Godfather of Soul
    Perfect outro. Nuff said

    I loved this piece, your writing is sick.

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  11. #11
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    Re: Godfather of Soul.

    Thank you.

    LOL@Envigale.

    And I won a RM title in the middle of 06 I believe.
    AI. Legendary.
    19x HOF. Seven Titles. 50.

  12. #12
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    Re: Godfather of Soul.

    Well I'm sort of a younging so I kept wondering who it was throughout the piece, but I love how you ended it with his picture. There was a long "ohhh" after that. It's a great way to keep his spirit alive. What I like best was your diction and how you kept it, even with the rhyme scheme, like a spoken voice. Overall cool for a tribute piece, in terms of imagery there was nothing to incredible but good piece nonetheless.

    Check IF you have time:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=322219

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    Theatre Of The Mind...
    The characters of my mind have action potentials...
    ...dancing to snapping neurons


  13. #13
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    Re: Godfather of Soul.

    I thought this was pretty good. Kinda dull at first but you picked up the emotion as you progressed. The one thing I love about this: How you were able to tell the story of his life and continue to use such great internals and multis. It's difficult to do and only advanced writers can pull it off effectively, and you did. Keep up the nice work. Nice way to pay respects to James.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...00#post5408300

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