User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: Here and There

  1. #1
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Yukon
    Age
    37
    Posts
    11,369
    Battle Record
    9-10

    Here and There

    Here and There

    i stand a broken man, unable to focus and
    pay attention to the days aggression when we're holding hands.
    im blaming vengeance, our age is precious, trying not to lose it.
    listening to your veins repression, and struggling to call it music.
    listen to your silent pulse, and hope for an instrumental
    waiting for what i divulge, praying these kids accept you.
    i count the first rose, dedicated to your innocence
    i doubt the worst blow will ever hinder your ignorance.
    denim jeans blessed with keen outlooks of life
    i bet you've seen the death of queens as the hook that you write.
    i count the second rose, sacrificed for your purity.
    boundries infect your prose, a complete diet of poetry.
    mindless emotion leads to inevitable changes,
    im trying to breathe, but have you reinvented the pages?
    i count the third rose, not hindered by your puddles of pain.
    i found the bird holes that have littered the subtlest place.
    allow me to jump in your angst, touching the planes
    of love that we aimed to keep under our tame.
    dust can't complain. it keeps us all company
    i count the fourth and fifth rose, but can we
    ever harbor the kids who dove for the blood money.
    screaming clean murder, and they indeed have heard her.
    i count the sixth rose, given in need of your benevolence,
    what precedes the acceptance is freeing my exodus
    beneath the genesis lies a road that never stops


    .. two links to have this reopened.

    - Atty
    Last edited by Atti; December 30th, 2006 at 10:47 AM
    READ MORE

  2. #2
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Yukon
    Age
    37
    Posts
    11,369
    Battle Record
    9-10

    Re: Here and There

    i found this in an old folder of mine... not sure how old it is.
    READ MORE

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    A city where the wind blows..
    Posts
    2,282
    Battle Record
    14-6

    Re: Here and There

    This was a pretty consistant drop...by consistant I mean in flow, emotion, imagery and etc...were all on the same level which made the piece better than what I expected off the length of it..but personally I could see that this was a older piece cause you've elevated alot since that...but it was a good read...the mulit's and rhyme scheme really stood out to me....overall good drop...Keep it ^


    Battles I need closed

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    ___________________
    OMHOF x1
    If I voted in your battle or left feed on your OM plz RTF

    Open Mic's


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



    L.S.
    N.A.
    M.C.

  4. #4
    Innovator.
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Age
    38
    Posts
    3,990
    Battle Record
    1-1

    Re: Here and There

    I liked this a lot better than your last one. This was actually dope. The flow was insane and your imagery kept my focus the entire way through. The content developed progressively as I read on, and the repetition of the sequence of the roses added more significance and feeling to the piece. Overall, I was feeling it.
    AI. Legendary.
    19x HOF. Seven Titles. 50.

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •