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Thread: The Cabin:"Melodic Wolfcries"

  1. #1
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    The Cabin:"Melodic Wolfcries"

    -Blessed trails as the hunters' dwell in 35 degrees below 0 fahrenheit-


    Winter's wretchedness withers warmth of weathers South hither
    with no remorse nor course to deliver, cold tundras rendered
    by the slightest of shivers- Not to be forgotten, only to be
    remembered by nature's offspring with bitterness. The wilderness
    weeps with melancholy, so sweet a song sung. Masses of game
    passes untamed but remains hunted with long bow guns.Afterwards
    the Hunters tend to their cabin retreat- observing fiery hues with
    booze expressing blasphemic views. The wolves melodic cry- similar
    to the sound of torn tunes. Nature erupts with hateful light through
    vengeful sight, growing more ravenous with each casualties count
    within a sinful night. As they acquaint themselves to a drunken state,
    they see their fate within nature's forsake, awaiting its wake. Dull
    glooms cast full moons immensely, through scornful symphonies,
    whose faction attacks instantly with no signs of evident empathy,
    simply- As nature rapes and penetrates the cabin, the Hunters are
    left with a chilled countenance far colder than any winter in antartica.
    They split bilateral as the wolves tear at the tender flesh to the
    clavical of the saddened foe. Sweet sorrows arise along with the
    bloody entrails of the unwise as nature inherits a Hunters debt.
    Spirits emerge from the gory cabin with evanescence to restore fallen
    game and peace at least until the next cabin's reign. Exiting with
    swift speed, the wolves return to their cubs- their mouths blood ridden
    with revenge. They howl under the moon's embrace encased with the
    cold of the wintery night-
    As they cry melodically
    ....


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=315642
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=315105
    Last edited by ..IllThoughtZ..; November 10th, 2006 at 10:46 PM

  2. #2
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    bump

  3. #3
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    A very vivid and beatiful piece if i may say so...thought it wouldn't be as great whilst reading the title but the way you wrote it really gets the reader into it. Plus the reader had to read everyline to stick with the rhymescheme. Your technical side, for me, was full covered and i really liked the correct grammar in this, once again showing your skill as a writer. Your vocabulary was elevated and your imagery, especially the description was very very good. Each aspect shone out. I thought your plot and story were good to but would like to see you write up something more exciting or riddled with hidden meanings and abstract metaphors...overall, i reckon you can tell by now that i liked it lol..Stay up & g/l in SS.

    Topical champ battle, an HONEST vote would be appreciated.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=315358

  4. #4
    Destiny
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    good piece. i believe this is the first i've read from you. the flow was quite nice, as well as the vocabulary. imagery was strong, and you never frayed from the story and hopped around too much. only thing i think could be more involved, was the emotion and the realness of the piece, something about this seemed to surreal, didn't capture me you know with authenticity. but don't worry, thats the hardest thing to touch on, nonetheless, good piece, return the favor on a piece of mine.

    peACE


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    thanks for feed i will mof def rtf later.....bump.

  6. #6
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    yes, this piece was well thought out, very good rhymescheme...from reading the first few lines i became very interested in tha topic, tha name wasn't as appealin but when i began to read it tha approach you took and tha direction of it made me wanna continue readin....nice concept aswell, it was a very calming read....just needed a little more emotional value and it would have been alot better, but overall it was worth looking at

    DNT SPEAK.


  7. #7
    Energy in > Ego out
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    This was a very good piece, except I didnt like the way it was layed out, it confused me lol

    But never-the-less, this piece was great, it had nice vocabulary, steady and smooth flow, and a well balanced structure

    Congratulations on another successful piece Ill, I'm looking forward to seeing the pieces you post in the near future

    RTF on "Through Whispering Words"

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    bumpity bump

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