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Thread: Loose Shillings For...

  1. #1
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Loose Shillings For...

    Loose shillings for…..
    ………………….another song?


    *Puts money in the jukebox*



    “One love…. Let’s get together and feel all right.”

    Born as a concoction of 2 cultures, half-caste they whisper
    Vultures ridiculed the light pigment when it was really simpler
    Lispers of love with snatches of hashish to brew a banger
    Club hanger with a message of danger, Rasta’s burning manger
    Stranger beware, don’t falter in the path of “Exodus”, a snare
    Roping babies with umbilical chords, Babylon hordes laughing
    Carving craniums I remember the “Slave Driver” & his marking
    Orders barking “mon me” back be arching, under a pressure pot
    No way to measure the stressor of a failed assassination plot
    What Babylon got? They got a rebellion against the apprehension
    Captivity breeds animals into man but I better mention “Redemption”
    “Get up Stand up” blares threw the speaker a track changed
    Lack pained so the tack maimed and pinned a country re-framed
    Jamaica Jamaica…I breathe out the weed cloud sheathe drought
    Speak out words that need knowing, flowing on empty…….

    *Please insert money*

    An irony that when the flow was speaking what we should know
    Monetary issues once again oblique our view only speak to crow
    Retreat to blow, a few shillings worth of wisdom is all we need
    To breed a generation, forget idle veneration time acts in speed
    Shillings kept in greed, weed out the weak yet the weak rebel
    Intellectual droplets leak out their minds to teach & foretell
    Ring Ring Ring………………………….
    I murder the bell no longer wanting to further this hell
    Smell the discourse of governmental lore, explore then ignore
    Me; you think I like this gore, mop my words blood off the floor
    All I asked of were a few shillings…..to hear that song once more

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Innovator.
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    Pretty cool. I'm a Bob Marley fan, so I liked how you incorporated his song titles within the content of your piece. It was rather smooth and well-written. I enjoyed the first stanza more than the second stanza only because I understood it more. I don't know, but I kind of get what you're saying, but then again I don't. Is this one big as metaphor being contrived through a jukebox/money/message? How money overshadows could-be gained wisdom, intelligence, or an influential moment in our lives? Who knows, but I liked it.
    AI. Legendary.
    19x HOF. Seven Titles. 50.

  4. #4
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Yup 2nd stanz has words replaced for past and present issues...that are shadowed by money and power..whether that be physical or mental...thanks for the comments.

  5. #5
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    Eh, i dident understand the bob marley thing, but anyway, nice OM, Vocab was wide, flow was pretty good, cud of had that 1% better but wasent need to be a great OM, strucure was good, so it wasent wacked out to read, nice peice, stay up

  6. #6
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Aight, thanks

  7. #7
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Bump.
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  8. #8
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Yup i like it up.

  9. #9
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    3rd and last up for the night.

  10. #10
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Yup Yup.

  11. #11
    S.N.I.C.....is no more... Don Q's Avatar
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    it was hot, very lyrical. i havent read a good post in a month cauze i havent been on the site that often. hey yo man keep it up you way fuckin better than me. if its no trouble can you give a reply in my post.
    I'm not necessarily the original, more like the new but don't ever compare me to another.

  12. #12
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Yeah thanks i'll check your stuff soon no doubt.

  13. #13
    Incorrect Perfectionist Bilayer's Avatar
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    There were alot of nice quotes in this pieces i really liked it bra you have some nice imagery and your concepts were fresh as hell i like the idea of this whole concepts and how you worded out everything man this was a nice piece and i always enjoyed readin your drops this is my favorite part

    Stranger beware, don’t falter in the path of “Exodus”, a snare
    Roping babies with umbilical chords, Babylon hordes laughing
    Carving craniums I remember the “Slave Driver” & his marking
    Orders barking “mon me” back be arching, under a pressure pot
    No way to measure the stressor of a failed assassination plot
    What Babylon got? They got a rebellion against the apprehension
    Captivity breeds animals into man but I better mention “Redemption”
    Left2Right


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  14. #14
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    thanks.

  15. #15
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    Bump.

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