Reaching for Death

[Bilayer]

Reaching For Death.
walk alone through this afterlife, tears streaming down
still tyring to get past my strife, fears are gleaming now
a slow river of red falls from each wrist
a slight quiver escapes from the grasp of each fist
screaming at the sorrow, pleading for it's exit
still the hate follows, scratching at each arm so aggressive
fingernails dig beneath the skin, pushing the anger away
stabbing into a vein with this pen, trying to take my life today
walking towards the broken glass, peering through the cracks
how long will this cry last? remebering my old tracks
follow each step back, back to the black cloud i feel from
gasping for breath, trying to figure out where to run
these horns cannot be hid from the publics eye
soul torn, cannot live and still cannot die
wear this shirt to hide the broken wings
sewn into hurt, grown into a e fiend
hold the rusted blade against the surface
satan's demon must've made my purpose
lay alone submerged in hurt and darkness
all the words blured and i'm certain this slit's the largest
crawling up each scab, expalining another loss
why i was the one stabbed when i was feeling lost
lay in this casket, blooshot eyes towards the dark sky
take one last hit before it's my time to finally die

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=309501
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=309695

[Bilayer]

uppin for feed

[Illus']

walk alone through this afterlife, tears streaming down
still tyring to get past my strife, fears are gleaming now
a slow river of red falls from each wrist
a slight quiver escapes from the grasp of each fist
screaming at the sorrow, pleading for it's exit
still the hate follows, scratching at each arm so aggressive
fingernails dig beneath the skin, pushing the anger away

I like these lines by far because of the proper order and
detail you went with, the scheme was nicely done
and descriptive. Steady flow with the imagery made
this a strong piece. content was strong , and
nice ideal approach on the topic. Emotional piece as well.
Overall nicely done.

stay scripting.

[Bilayer]

thanx that means alot coming from you mann your a talented head and that really means alot knowing you enjoyed the read thanx illus

[SmokaJoka]

I was about to quote my favorite lines and I realized Illus pretty much done it for me....your imagery is what stood out to me to be honest...you had great descriptions for alot of self mutalation type shit....the overall topic was kind of original but you could've went a lot deeper into this if you would've thought harder through it...your rhymes were ok....but what I've always thought is the fact rhymes dont matter in a story as long as it's good...and your overall story was nice...just no real solid ending....I was expecting a huge twist at the end or some shit...but you pretty much stayed on the whole way through...so you can ride topics nicely...

Rating:
7/10

[Bilayer]

thanx pimpin for feedin on this piece

[...]

i like this om because u had good flow with it and i could feel the expression and i could see what you was talking bout...keep it up you real nice with topic

8.5/10

[Bilayer]

thanx mann

[Cyrious]

This was a well written piece, kind of unstructured but still well written. Your rhyming was aight but could use work, you gave a lot of description in this piece you wrote and a lot of imagery to it. The imagery really stood out in your writing, and i did like that. I to was about to point out the part i liked but they had posted it already and gave the same reason why i liked it. But yeh man this was a good piece, fix up your structure and work on your rhyming, other than that good job.

[Bilayer]

thanx for the feed if you guys drop links i will feedo n ur work

[Bilayer]

uppin for feed i will feed on ur oms if you drop alik after you feed on mine

[Leonidas]

Ok piece..Topic is a little played because iv seen a lot about death/suicide...But vocab was ok..everything flowed nicely...structure was ok...Good descriptions and going into detail. You really didnt leave anything out, it was a good solid piece..Maybe just a little longer next time..but keep doing it and getting better..and if you wanna collab with me, then holla

6.5/10

[Bilayer]

ite west i think imma start writing a piece nice now for us to collab on ite well i'll get at u on on aim about it

[Bilayer]

uppin fo feed

[Tragedian.]

this was real nice...alot of lines caught my eye...you are far better at topical than text...the flow was really good stayed up all thru out the drop...had some nice multies...felt as it lacked vocab and you couldve stepped that up a notch..but this was nice and creaitve...dope drop keep up man.