Things in Life

[P. Mortuus]

Small Issues

A rose petal flies in view of my eyes
The pink colour shaded to a vivid dye
Pouring raindrops rap the lone petal
That darkens with each pelted raindrop
And falls to the ground; slowly deforming
The petal touches base & I move on
Unknowingly my foot tears the life
Of the once beautiful petal, now dead…..

Tap dancing tadpoles spring me a tune
Opera lady uproars to a screeching song
Melody of human emotion; laughing a tear
The crawling spider scuttles the mount
Of old birthday cards; long forgotten keepsakes
Amusing though, the penny a piece poems
Written by uncompassionate writers…..

The queen of diamonds, my dear Rosaline
Leaves me with the promise of poverty
The wrong choice, I was the king of hearts
Acting a pauper imitating the prince, I laugh
Haute cuisine invitations cover my last meal
With my boater I’m ecstatic with escapism
From you; Queen of Diamonds why were you
Not the Queen of hearts……..

[P. Mortuus]

Cough cough up up

[P. Mortuus]

21 views....if you can be asked to click and wait for the loaading why not dropa sentence or 2, i'm not asking for an Essay you know.

[P. Mortuus]

yes yes no no.

[Bilayer]

This is nice as hell mann i realy enjoyed how descriptive you were and how every thing you put into this piece mann u really did your self a good thing bra very nice you had to really of thought this out alot cuz i could follw the whole piece and i read it and had to re read it alot mann very nice piece mann i really really enjoyed this piece mann

great drop

Favorite part

Melody of human emotion; laughing a tear
The crawling spider scuttles the mount
Of old birthday cards; long forgotten keepsakes
Amusing though, the penny a piece poems
Written by uncompassionate writers…..

[Soule]

fuckin shit man,

The wording was nice. The flow was nice. The Creativty was nice. The Imagenary was great. The Story was wonderful. The Peice was dope.

Better Feed:

The wording was nice. Had a great touch to it. The flow was good and kept a smooth touch to this peice. The Creativty was awsome and very clean cut. The Imagenary left a chapter book in my head. Nice job. The Structre was nice and easy. The Story was a great touch to you're skills. Keep writing man.

~Blind.

[Kalos Graphē]

Well first of all Pakaveli.. im sorry for the inactiveness and laziness of rb.. and if they have decided they were 2 lazy to read this piece.. well then they're missing out terribly! cuz in my opinion, poem or OM, this was my faveriote bit of writing i have ever seen from you my friend... the imagry literally jumped out at me on this one, it was all said so perfectly and descriptively and at the same time you managed to put that extra bit of an abstract twist on every single bar which made this piece absolutely, no doubt outstanding... the metaphorical approach was executed perfectly and added on a specail effect to your already flawless piece... it all flowed nicely and was strung together beautifully, along with the subtle and almost un-noticable but still effective internals that you creatively placed throughout your piece to give it that extra edge... i guess i have 1 thing to say about this piece, and that's Phenominal... absolutely my fav work from you my man... awesome

-Nominated for PSHOF

[justrude]

Nice Paka. Your imagry was nice, and the way you worded it was good. Your structure was good, and everything flowed well. Here's my favorite lines
Tap dancing tadpoles spring me a tune
Opera lady uproars to a screeching song
Melody of human emotion; laughing a tear
The crawling spider scuttles the mount
Of old birthday cards; long forgotten keepsakes
Amusing though, the penny a piece poems
Written by uncompassionate writers…..
The way you worded it was good and you kept a nice flow to it. Overall like Cheez Whiz said this is probably the best I've ever seen from you Paka, stay up.

[P. Mortuus]

Thanks for leaving comments all of you, i appreciate it a lot.

[Mackin']

Tap dancing tadpoles spring me a tune
Opera lady uproars to a screeching song
Melody of human emotion; laughing a tear
The crawling spider scuttles the mount

^ favorite part..

i liked the topic, it's like you thought of little ton's of little "issue's", and you somehow put them into a poem.. the topic was complex, but yet it's something that anybody could think of.. but the way you put it together made it original.. i liked it, you painted a nice picture in my head through the whole piece which def. made the piece more interesting.. i was lovin' your choice of vocab through out the piece.. nice drop.. peace

[Cyrious]

This was very very very good, it was written so perfect and and well, the creativity of this piece was wonderful, the vocab was outstanding, the description was good and so was the imagery, the imagery was shown very well. This whole piece was very interesting and kept me locked in to the reading, i dont think anything was wrong with this, it was set up well and written well, good topic also to write about, good job.

[D. Josey]

This was a pretty good piece. Just a nice fit for you, and a poetic approach from you, which I liked very much about it. Semi-abstract with it, and I felt that the repetition of "petal" in the first stanza was pretty annoying, and I felt that it did get a little tedious afterwhile. But this wass a nice piece man. I felt it alot, not nominaton worthy, but nevertheless still a good piece man.

[P. Mortuus]

Yeah i see what yo mean i have already been told about the petal issue but i reckon i should leave the original intact, for main reason of keeping the comments accurate. Also thanks to everyone who has replyed, i appreciate that.

[Black House]

Pak... Nice drop.
Good Imagery
and emotion...
Post more.

[P. Mortuus]

Thanks.