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Thread: Dirt always falls to the ground

  1. #1
    Banned
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    Dirt always falls to the ground

    'neath urban volcano
    molten words swirl reverse clockwise
    spindley legs, psychadelic menage
    urban decay, mix, stop
    urban candour, too high yellow shorts
    and a brown haggard slop bucket
    12 beat up and down chevys hitched
    to it, long gangly tubes drinking
    oil and souls with a fervor thats almost like an enigma
    almost like a cardboard cut-out chaplin
    spitting a fine, ground up sermon
    onto the TV carcass, into the deluge of hopefuls
    hoping for dim wittedness, endless bureaucracy
    a plague of well-intentioned lies and stabs
    which punch through the esophagus like,
    the most grime-plumed vector of smoke,
    drinking the musty river into one's piteous organs
    saliva creased, seeming invisible in one's
    agape, writhing jaws, waiting humbly
    but stupidly, so stupidly to spit upon this wildly innovative convention
    but unable, unflagging, black
    listed and torn, torn, swimming for life
    in a petrolium undercurrent
    holding numbered flash cards aloft in the heavy, sticky air
    like unraveled shields, unable to fend
    the most obscure cretin, learned but
    simply unlearned, the silve-haired
    Boo Radley types with dreams of long un-manned
    forests and unkempt Trotsky beards.

    Drink up the mescal Johns, these
    blurs of solitude might preserve
    the fossil of our bullshit in a dense,
    filthy amber for children to unearth and
    mistake for the ruins of their old town.

  2. #2
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    Yo.

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Dyl's Avatar
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    Ok I really liked this and found this a very enjoyable read.Your wording was just excelllent and it made the piece that much better.Your discriptive writing was at a very high level and you described everything to the bone....nice job on that.Creativity....well....it was very very good and this is the type of poem that people can learn from.People this is creative and has it all.I havnt gone mad about a poem in so long.I have read a lot but none have stood out to me that much,but I do think this is HoF material.Nice job on this my friend.

    Could you please leave feed on "Me,Myself and Him"ft Opus

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=308917
    Last edited by Dyl; September 10th, 2006 at 02:25 PM
    Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper?
    On his way down past each floor,he kept saying to reassure himself
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....

    But how you fall doesn't matter
    Its how you land

  4. #4
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    more plz

  5. #5
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Uh.. wtf just happened?

    Dude, I was like... too slow to read this piece really. I was SOO lost, all I saw was metaphore after metaphore, and huge ass words. lol, really.. too complex for me in my opinion, but you did your thing and left me in awe. If we collabed, it be odd just due to the diffrent writing styles. Besides the fact that your writing was more intellegent than me, it was a nice read for the parts I could understand. Nice job keep writing.
    Artificial.Intelligence

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