"Mw,Myself And Him"ft Opus

[Dyl]

Me,Myself and Him


Dyl=Tahoma
Opus=Italics


I stumble into the hallway after a long weary drunken night out
My vision blinded by cloudy waves as everything seems like a dream
I rest my twitching hand uneasily on the banister of the oak stair
I rub my hand across my face to try and come to reality of the situation
But yet again it is met with a drunken stumble and an angry mumble

Jack Daniel's took the lead and ran
away with two strands of equilibrium.
with every new marionette given motion,
I lost another step and met the sands
of yesterday's hourglass mascurade.

I slowly made my way, through the dark shadowed hall
But the voices that spun loudly around me forced me to stall
Whispers now flowed through the hall, echoing silently in my ear
"sclábh an dabhal" the voices whispered now getting loader by the minute.
The walls now dripping savagely with bright red blood
The walls now speaking a dark native tongue which forced me to listen

sclábh an dabhal

sclábh an dabhal

sclábh an dabhal

sclábh an dabhal



I'm am your center stage; Ode to the insane.
The violins of Him splinter the marble
thought as percussion winters rain.
Spitting blood on mirror image,
as my eyes seek refuge under batting
covers from the monsters in my head.
Whisper, Whisper, whisper-whisper
sclábh an dabhalsclábh an dabhalsclábh an dabhal sclábh an dabhal!

My mind now burning with satanic hymns, voices and prayers.
Each whisper slicing my soul like a dark satirical blade
The Devil is in my house.....THE DEVIL IS IN MY HOUSE!
I scream I shout, my high pitched calling rang far and out
The walls closing ever closer to me, barricading me with no escape
Each voice talking at a different time causing mind burning rape
I fall to my weary knees, my legs were to weak to keep me standing
The terrifying whispers became louder and louder,until it became chanting

The echoes giggled in rounds,
pronouncing on the back most conscious.
Rape My Body! This Skin is His!
I sat in the corner; a pool of self
held the music of the ever shallow;
sipping essence in insignificance.
Hell on earth was in he who bares it...

I am he who I forever hate.

[Dyl]

some feed please

[Kalos Graphē]

This was a very well written piece by the both of you... now i dont really kno quite how to rate a poem, but i'll give it a shot here, so bear with me. and if it is shitty feed i do apologise...

Dyl- Your verses were very well layed out, though the structure seemed to be a little stretched, your bars all seemed to fit in the puzzle and flow amazingly... I noticed that you did do the free verse format or w/e, but managed to throw in a few subtle rhymes to spice your verse up a bit and i think it suited wonderfully... your imagry and your descriptiveness in your verses was by far your personal strong point... along with the intelligent level of vocabulary, and your clever metaphores and wordplay, the poem was very vivid and detailed... I think you could have used a little work on emotion, but this topic didnt really suit an emotional piece... good work

Opus- Your verses were short and sweet.. the lines were very tiny, yet were mixed with a complex and abstract theme.. you displayed a very high level of intelligence with this piece by thinking outside of the box and telling your story in the most poetical way possible. Your clever wording added a unique element to this piece... I think the strongest point in your verse was the outstanding flow, it all seemed to be strung together beautifully...

Very good piece you two.. your verses were ying and yang, they went to gether wonderfully, along with the clever addition of the foreign language there in the middle, that Dyl had to explain the meaning of it to me... good work the both of you...

["lil Neefy"]

Dyl - I liked your piece as it was very well written for imagery and emotion. I feel that with the title you have for this piece and the story line you put into it, you could have been a bit more savvy with your vocab and metaphors. It was a good read but could have been a bit easier if you had used shorter lines. I'm not going to say they were stretched but some of them did seem to drag on. But anywho, if your going to use those longer lines, i'll give you the same advice I gave exact earlier. Try to start throwing in alliteration and assonance. It will help those lines out impecably (if that's how you spell it).

Onus - Very good stuff here. You write in metaphors basically, or so it would seem. It is a mirror image on Atti's writing, which is good though =P .... Not much to say really, it was very good writing. The short lines, the metaphors.... Keep it up, it's very, very, good stuff.

The both of you - the only thing I can say to the both of you, or to whom ever picked the topic, this topic is used a lot, so much that it's officially getting killed. I liked your guys's take on it but maybe just try to steer away from the demons in the head scenarios.

That's all though. Very good writing you two. Keep it up.

[Spoken]

this was koo nice verses from both of you!.

DYL- your verse was filled with great usage of wordings and emotion!...nice my dude i liked your verse for its originality and depth in feeling like i was placed in your position of the moment...though your vocab seemed some what short if i may say...like it didnt really hit the bar that was expected but other than that nicely written!.

Opus- you wrote well into your metaphors and percise witty lines...short yet sweet. not much to say as you did flawlessy with just a little minor flaw here and there...your verse was in great image with your metaphors that you threw in...nice strucutre and content in vocab

both of you did well....and enough to intice me to read this TWICE. just try a better topic next tim eor if you know its kinda used alot try to come more original...thats all nice do up though.

RTF on the link in my sig.