Whipping Boy

[Nib Oswald]

Keep me beneath you
wearing my iron wreath
of naked humiliation
Feed me your grief through
your bars of silent screams
cankered with subordination
Speak like I’m see-through
and watch my eyelets breathe
anger from your castigation
Ceased to believe you
telling of my naive
anchor of infatuation

Creep like a thief who
has had my mind deceived
by seeds of abnegation
See our sneak preview
flickering like a leaf
hanging on to salvation
Sleep as I cleave two
new eyes to try and see
pain caused by my adoration
Deeply bereave you
I weep a violent sea
sanguifying adulation

Feeling hollow and base
In a thick film of dust
Lost within this embrace
Your tears gradually rust
..mine follow

As you wallow in grace
My pain slowly decays
When you spit in my face
I will lick it away
...and swallow

Hurt me squirt me bite me spite me
Clutch me crush me never touch me
Hold me mould me hit me slit me
Thrash me bash me never pash me
Tease me squeeze me snap me slap me
Poke me choke me never stroke me
Crack me hack me hug me drug me
Fist me twist me never kiss me
Belt me melt me burn me spurn me
Use me bruise me you abuse me
Grab me stab me strike me like me
Cheat me beat me you complete me
Mar me scar me flog me slog me
Make me break me don't forsake me
Whip me strip me bleed me need me
Cuff me shove me do you love me?

Let me be your whipping boy
Scavenging through drips of joy
Grip me like a ripping toy
Tossed beneath your shrine

Let me be your whipping boy
Salvaging your drips of joy
Grip me like a ripping toy
Let your pain be mine

[Matt Millsaps.]

I'll edit this with feed after you hit up my OM with ta2 in my sig NIB

[Nib Oswald]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...93#post5070493
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=308035

[Laureate]

Damn nib, this was hot...not many people could pull off what you did in the 5th Stanza whithout it comming off as forced and retarded, but you had perfect syllable count which made the flow perfect when I read it out loud. the only thing is what the hell does "pash me" mean? your rhyming was excellent throughout as was your structure and syllable count. Vocab was top notch. Imagery was decent, Emotion was well done. only thing i can tell you to improve on is to try and use multi syllable rhymes instead of short 1 syllable ones. Excellent drop


if you could http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=307973

[Nib Oswald]

Thanks for the feedback, much appreciated. HERE are you multi-syllable rhymes... each line is multirhymed with the one three below it.
beneath you/grief through/see-through/believe you/thief who/preview/cleave two/bereave you

iron wreath/silent screams/eyelets breathe/my naive/mind deceived/try and see/violent sea

naked humiliation/cankered with subordination/anger from your castigation/anchor of infatuation/hanging on to salvation/pain caused by my adoration/sanguifying adulation

and 'hollow and base/wallow in grace' for good measure.

PS. 'Pash' means passionate kissing. Guess it's an Aussie term.

[Laureate]

yeah, i guess the 5th stanza stuck with me the most...i still love you tho

[Illus']

Nib-

This was an extremely well written piece.
I always liked your style of writing!

Speak like I’m see-through
and watch my eyelets breathe

I quoted these two lines because I felt connected
to them I could relate in the imagery was
good even though just two short lines, they were
well organized worded..

Creep like a thief who
has had my mind deceived
by seeds of abnegation
See our sneak preview
flickering like a leaf
hanging on to salvation
Sleep as I cleave two
new eyes to try and see
pain caused by my adoration
Deeply bereave you
I weep a violent sea
sanguifying adulation

wow had to keep reading these lines over
they show great emotional pain.
and you used unique word usage to bring
it out.. nicely done.

As you wallow in grace
My pain slowly decays
When you spit in my face
I will lick it away
...and swallow

ewwww nasty , like this though just the
way you went about expressing the indivduals
feeling towards the other.



wow good writing , definitely a nice read...
should drop more and this writing should not
be slept on ...

[Nib Oswald]

Love you too, L!
Thanks for such a great breakdown, too, Illus.

Do I hear an uppin up in this baeioutch?

[Atti]

Wow, I loved this piece, really. I hope you post it in PS aswell so I can nominate it for HOF. You've actually been a favorite of mine for awhile, you always come with a very unique and abstract approach to your poetry that is really my style, so in my eyes you're one of the top poets on this site. While alot of abstract style are based on imagery, you write with abstract emotives which is very different, it makes for a cool vibe, something very your own. Great piece man, keep going with that signature style.

If you could...
'The Central Artery'

[The Vortex]

YEAH THIS WAS A TITE WRITE...... thing that gave it definite rythym was the way u kept the syllable count consistant and somewhat easy to follow....... was made to flow nicely also. although a bit of effort required in a way bcoz of the run - on sentence form, which was also crafeted nicely........

i nust say i got a bit bored halfway thru the spite me...touch me,, bute me.etc section. just me but i dont like too much repetitiveness in rhyme form or vocab usage. still you did shape it and deliver the verse well all the same,,,,,,, so w/ that part missing it was bit short for my liking. tho still neatly crafted... interesting... vocab=nice

nice joint

pz1

[Nib Oswald]

Cheers, Myself and Don Gordon.
Myself, I hit up your 'The Central Artery' one. Great stuff.