My Life Cracked the Nutshell

[Jon]

My Life Cracked the Nutshell

I’ll inform you all with a true story, screw glory
This is for the fake shit you talk about that bores me

See, I was an accident, and went out a few weeks early
Out of a mother, with two unfortunate others before me
Two dead sisters, why not me, I bled blisters, god I plead
Mister please, I’ve been the one who’s still yet to succeed
My father lazy, a pot head, and a high school drop out
Wouldn’t bother if he died, I wouldn’t cry, I stand stout
A providing mother with Lupus, a Diabetic, hardly there
I looked up to her, counting hours till she leaves me bare
Arguing with her, fighting bitter, then regretting it later
Eating away at the remaining life she has in her favor.
Having my first loss, being like a brother in my mind
Pal died at the age of 9, after surgery he bled from inside
At times I’ve tried to take a nine to my head, and squeeze
Then life’d be a breeze, with ease, floating on bloody seas
I over dose on pain pills like Advil, to sooth my head
Playing the gridiron, sweat, blood, and tears I’ve shed
Laughed at like a gay joke, and spreads like a disease
Yes, I’ve smoked once, and choked to a high degree
My whole family’s poor, we live in poverty unnoticed
I take piano lessons, and claim I’m staying focused
Used to be a cub scout, I know all about pitching a tent
Yeah, good times and bad, but I’m not bitching a fit
Most here are scared, behind the monitor reading this
But guys, I told the truth, and my life is how I’m living it

True story, I hoped you all enjoy my bit of honesty
There’s Jonathon as you know it, moving on with me

[Jon]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=307956
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=308031

[Matt Millsaps.]

Damn dude any of this true?

Well if it's true...I'm sorry to hear this. If not, then you have a fucking great imagination, that's exactly how I'd imagine somebody going through this type of shit feeling. Well the read itself was absolutely on point. The vocab was not very hard, but it was just what was needed for this type of piece. The imagery I obviously felt because of how you smoothly worded things. I liked the storyline, true or not, it was dope. Maybe not a completely fresh or orginal topic, but I think you pulled it off nicely. Overall, not quite HoF material, but very well written. Nice work here, Jon!

-Educated (hit up my collab with ta2_tears)

[Jon]

^ Actually, its all true.

I'll try to get to the link ASAP

[Jon]

Uppin

[Messiah.]

Word sorry to hear all this...This piece was tight Jonathon you did a very good job...It had nice everything - Emotion was unbelievable, imagery was good, vocabulary was good, your rhymescheme was good you where able to rhyme every line, wordplay was awesome and your precision was good everything in the right places...your flow was good this enabled me to read the piece nice and easy... and structure made it look good so overall nothing wrong with this piece homie you did a good job, sorry for everything you been through and stay up... Thanks for a good read

[Tragedian.]

damn homie ...pretty sad but deep fuckin shit here...i was actually into this after the first few lines...i really enjoyed this whole peice...flow was really good kept up for the whole drop....alot of good multies in the right places....strutre was nice kinda wierd...it was off a bit...but who gives a fuck lol...the topic you used was pretty played...but with the way you wrote this peice...it stood out and was very creaivte...i really enjoyed reading this...im sorry to know this is about ur life it seemed pretty sad...keep up and hit my newest Drama

[f-gee]

Harsh times man

anyway, i'll cut to what i thought stood out in this joint;

A providing mother with Lupus, a Diabetic, hardly there
I looked up to her, counting hours till she leaves me bare
Arguing with her, fighting bitter, then regretting it later
Eating away at the remaining life she has in her favor.

At times I’ve tried to take a nine to my head, and squeeze
Then life’d be a breeze, with ease, floating on bloody seas

I take piano lessons, and claim I’m staying focused

^ All goodness

The last couple lines didn't really belong, weren't very well written but i'm being picky

Overll this was good stuff man, real emotional and well conveyed
Props

Hit my new shit up if you will
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=307988

[Wireless]

Interesting read, already knew most of this, but still..pretty hard stuff to even imagine.
It started out well, the first few lines were worded well, but it seems as you went on, towards the end you fell off a tad. You just started using elementary words, stuff that didn't really go along with the way you wrote at the beginning of the piece.
My fav Lines:
A providing mother with Lupus, a Diabetic, hardly there
I looked up to her, counting hours till she leaves me bare
Arguing with her, fighting bitter, then regretting it later
Eating away at the remaining life she has in her favor.
Having my first loss, being like a brother in my mind
Pal died at the age of 9, after surgery he bled from inside
At times I’ve tried to take a nine to my head, and squeeze
Then life’d be a breeze, with ease, floating on bloody seas
I over dose on pain pills like Advil, to sooth my head
Playing the gridiron, sweat, blood, and tears I’ve shed
That whole part kept me interested in the piece, and it rhymed and flowed very well.
I've seen better, I've seen way worse.
Isn't HOF Material in my mind, but hey, that's just me.

[Nib Oswald]

Great emotion and tone in this piece. Your use of internal rhymes maintained a steady flow throughout and the rawness of your concept was really engaging. A fine crie de coeur here, man.

[Atti]

I respect the fact that you were able to tell a real life story and get it all out there, but it was more of a poetic tense regardless of the Om rhyme schemes and formatting. So despite how strong and fluent the piece was, contectually I just kept feeling as if it were more of a poem because you were just telling it, no real technique, no engaging storyline, it was just directly from your head and heart... which I would consider more poetic. I'm not saying I didnt like it though, the piece was cool. The flow was unique in the sense that I always felt like it was one word off from breaking the fluency but it always seemed to pull through, so nice job with that. I would just like to see you pull the reader in more.

If you could...
'The Central Artery'

[Jon]

^ I'll get to the link in a bit, thanks for the feed.

[LedgenZ]

I don’t know. I really enjoyed this piece. Every thing was exactly where it should be. There was great emotion, vivid images, nice metaphors, and superb rhyming. In my opinion this piece never fell off. It started off with a bitter storyline and evolved into an even more morbid picture. Now I’m sorry this is your life that I’m so casually discussing, but to be honest from a lyrical point of view I don’t really thing this could have gotten any better. Like I said…I thoroughly enjoyed this piece thought and through. Great job J.


Favorite lines:

Having my first loss, being like a brother in my mind
Pal died at the age of 9, after surgery he bled from inside
At times I’ve tried to take a nine to my head, and squeeze
Then life’d be a breeze, with ease, floating on bloody seas
I over dose on pain pills like Advil, to sooth my head
Playing the gridiron, sweat, blood, and tears I’ve shed
Laughed at like a gay joke, and spreads like a disease
Yes, I’ve smoked once, and choked to a high degree
My whole family’s poor, we live in poverty unnoticed
I take piano lessons, and claim I’m staying focused

^Come on man that was dope. I’mma go ahead and give you the stamp of approval and say you ripped it…certified illness. Maybe even HOF worthy…in my opinion.


Pz

[Jon]

^ Thanks dude.. Where the hell have you been in the past month or so? I haven't seen you around.. Oh well, welcome back I guess

[Masta Shake]

Damn man,thats rough,but I know how you feel man.My buddy died recently,my last three girls cheated on me,dad left my mom before I was born,my mom has cancer,my gandma has diabetes,another of my pals has diabetes,and my uncle died last year.Beside all that,Im a broke mufucka.

Yeah,this peice got me good,the emotion in it was good.As a rap,I give it 7/10,but Ill give it 10/10 because of the emotion.