Young Mother

[Marvman]

Young Mother



i don't mean to ridicule, i think your kid is cute
but little lady, shouldn't you still be in school?
it's amazing how you juggle the stress..
working part time making a hundred or less
and it's buggin my head, it's such a puzzle but yet
you manage to keep a kid alive with just a couple of breasts
the way you keep your cool, it's surely left me in awe
to think if you'd just used protection, you wouldn't be stressin at all
it seems like i'm patronising, and i know it's mad unlikely
but there's something about me yelling i should have a wifey
completely unique, you ain't the typical broad
but i'll make sure there's plenty of cushions to hit when you fall


young and sweet you were just fucking for fun
who woulda thought it'd leave you a single mother of one
but pretty girl you don't have to shout
forget the what if's, it's happened now
no time to figure who's responsible
young mother just know, i'm fond of you

i had hoped for this to be much longer but i can't think of anything lol. so i thought i'd post whatever i had.

[Witty]

I actually like this dude, I came in here expecting to find bullshit (because you're Marv lol) but you actualy did quite well here mate. It was quite enjoyable, It didn't really fall of anywhere, you told a story very well, and I think you should post in this forum more often. I think with elevation you could be a very good writer, the only really bad thing was that it was too short, ended too quick for my liking, buts that's cool. Nice work here dude, keep at it

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=307999

leave feed on that please.

Oh, one more thing...you need to leave 2 links

[Marvman]

yeah, that wasn't really the ending, but i had thought of it in parts and i just got lazy with writing anymore lines cause i was just tired and shit. but thanks for the feed. i'll try and leave you feed on your thingmajig but i don't really know how you OM people prefer feed to be like

[Witty]

Just give your opinion,that's all we want.

[niggerican]

damn marv, that you? i liked this alot. the message was good son for real. i liked the part "young and sweet you were just fucking for fun
who woulda thought it'd leave you a single mother of one"
something everyone should listen to. vocab was okay.
and i dont feel like leaving any more feed.

see you in the lounge.

[Marvman]

lol at see you in the lounge

here's one of my feed links btw whoever mods this shizznasoo

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...16#post5069916

[Marvman]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=308035

^ another feed link, sorry too lazy to click edit.

[Jon]

Decent for the size of the piece. I think its good to see new comers to the OM section, it shows that we all have our different styles. I LOVED your flow, it was totally from the head, not forced AT all. Vocabulary was off, but you didn't go for vocab over content. Nicely done, I'd like to see you a little more active in the OM section. Keep writing Azn, I think you have some potential in topicals.

[Marvman]

yo wtf gimme more feed or somethin.

[Acey]

what ever happend to i dont do OM's.

fucking sell out nigga, and on top of all that this sucked ass.

loser.

[Erupt]

lmao wtf? this was pretty good.. rhyme scheme in the first half was alot better than the second though.. you can tell you got bored... still impressive though