the disbanded angels

[GrimmyReaps]

GrimReapa

the story of the disbanded angel of death

i was once a normal angel inforcing the rules of gods kingdom
but then the devil came and corupted my mind with the talks of freedom
i turned on god...filled everyones head with deception, not facin the truth
just like adam and eve,gettin the boot when they ate the forbidden fruit
i killed innocent people in gods name,but in reality the devil was to blame
chasing fame but in a elaborate plan decived and interpreded like a game
me the angel of death turning his back on the light,my future looked bright
not fighting the right fight...head filled with the false prospects of life
i relized god had his suspections but trusted me to the fullest
i knew he had no doubt in his mind that i would ever pull this
if he was to find out i would be casted out of heaven
i was now involved unwillingly the demonic court of seven
that was not my intention i just wanted my life back
but my reality and good heart soon faded into the black
confused,i didnt listen to god or the devil i turned rouge
i said fuck it left and started on my own road
i was dischared from my heavly duties and my wings removed
exeption into hell unlikly i hade played the devils card to
i was the disbanded angel, couldnt even be a demon
every thing discombobulated,hopin i was just dreamin
now expected to roam the earth for an eternity
plagued to be in my own hell forever and eternaly

Es. Choir

Cursed and fallen from the sky, falling as lightly as a feather...
Clothes torn and tattered, body weak, and face weathered.
Never ever, could have forseen the consequences ahead.
Only before it was too late, and barely escaped being dead.
Instead of joining God's faction, distractions mislead her thoughts.
God's sale are unrefundable, no going back when decisions are bought.
Born into a struggle of power between the Father and Demon.
Persuaded to join a group, which she never dreamed that she'd be in.
Believin' what she'd been told, been known to hold the truth sacred.
Yet in the end, the truth was a lie, as it's cover was stripped, leaving it naked.
Created a false existence, Lucifer was the root of blame.
Heavenly father up above, refused to allow her living in vain.
The pain, causing defeat, her retreat, brutal but needed.
Defeated with Satan's troops, hunted mercilessly until depleted.
Escaping her fate, unoticed, she escaped and altered her destiny.
Released from Lucifer's grasp, thought it best, and left it be.
Unknown to her knowledge, the Holy hiearchy laid a trap.
Evoking her downfall, tried to stand tall, but legs were snapped.
Attempts were made to convince them, that no strings were attached.
But none believed what she spoke, her words became overmatched.
Devising a plan, to hatch and escape once again, to be free.
Ultimately, she decided to leave Heaven, if they ignored her plea.
They did, so she and Lucifer were to be sent to a fiery grave.
To her suprise, Satan devised a plan for them to depart ways.
And so saved was she, the wife of Satan, despised and mangled...
Shunned by both parties, the tale of a disbanned angel...

[GrimmyReaps]

es. dropin links... now feed plz...tks...

[Es.Choir]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=306291
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...62#post4946562
^^Links.

Proceed with the feed.

[GrimmyReaps]

ups...

[Omega.]

i relized god had his suspections but trusted me to the fullest
i knew he had no doubt in his mind that i would ever pull this
if he was to find out i would be casted out of heaven
i was now involved unwillingly the demonic court of seven
that was not my intention i just wanted my life back
but my reality and good heart soon faded into the black
confused,i didnt listen to god or the devil i turned rouge
i said fuck it left and started on my own road
i was dischared from my heavly duties and my wings removed
exeption into hell unlikly i hade played the devils card to
i was the disbanded angel, couldnt even be a demon
every thing discombobulated,hopin i was just dreamin
now expected to roam the earth for an eternity
plagued to be in my own hell forever and eternaly
^^
this was your best lines my dude GRIM!...was filled with great content and flow of vocab and image!....good man


Cursed and fallen from the sky, falling as lightly as a feather...
Clothes torn and tattered, body weak, and face weathered.
Never ever, could have forseen the consequences ahead.
Only before it was too late, and barely escaped being dead.
Instead of joining God's faction, distractions mislead her thoughts.
God's sale are unrefundable, no going back when decisions are bought.
Born into a struggle of power between the Father and Demon.
Persuaded to join a group, which she never dreamed that she'd be in.
Believin' what she'd been told, been known to hold the truth sacred.
Yet in the end, the truth was a lie, as it's cover was stripped, leaving it naked.
Created a false existence, Lucifer was the root of blame.
Heavenly father up above, refused to allow her living in vain.
The pain, causing defeat, her retreat, brutal but needed.
Defeated with Satan's troops, hunted mercilessly until depleted.
^6
this was nicely word'd i may have to say better than grims verse cus it had more emotino and more content in vocab and style writing....it had me more interested

both meshed well nothing really bad about ti just up it more with out re3peating words too many times ya know...

[GrimmyReaps]

tks for the feed nigga...im just tryin to knock off some rust...uppin...

[P. Mortuus]

Aight this was aight...interesting..

Grim: There was an awkardness to your flow, some words didn't just fit in right and gave it a too "Earthly" view, i mean as an angel you could have bbought out the prospective differently. However, i did like the adam and eve line that was not only clever but added to the quality of your verse. Another thin, never use the word combobulated agin...it not only ruined the flow but made me laugh cause it souds well it sounds wierd lol...anyway, back to positives then yeah i liked the concept though it has been done before but it was aight and had an obvious relation to the title which shows you were on point so porps there. The story structure was there, it had it's beggining, a late middle and also had a sense of closure which was good. Nice but could be brushed up a lil, don't worry you will grow more as a writer with time an eman. This was better than your battle verse. Es.Choir your verse was good too, i liked the language and rhyme style in this, reminded me of my past demonic stuff in parts which is good for a 12 year old, though the downfall is that in my past demonic works i used different concepts and your whole story was bascially the same as Grim's, you should have come up with a different concept which related to it but not so blatantly as the reader feels that he's reading the same verse again though by a different writer. The flow went off point in parts but i liked the words you used, as i said before your vocab usage was very good in this and improved the quality drastically. A few multies attempted helped with the overall tone as well and so did the imagery, though you and grim can both go a bit more stronger on the metaphors and description.
Overall, this was a good read and interesting at points. I would recommend you 2 to colab in the near future again though with a more fresher approach if you are going to do a Grey shaded or black shaded piece try doing something else then fallen angels. Take a more philosiphic approach and maybe try joining satan with current political and social issues. Lastly, Stay up, take my comments in your stride, i judge you harshly because i want to see you exceed in this line. Stay up and keep striving to do good work.

[GrimmyReaps]

that was the longest feed ive ever seen...and i wont use discombobulated any more...hell of a vocab doe...lol...well tks and we coulndt think of a topic...lol...ups...

[P. Mortuus]

that was the longest feed ive ever seen...and i wont use discombobulated any more...hell of a vocab doe...lol...well tks and we coulndt think of a topic...lol...ups...

It's the longest honest feed i've ever given lol....but i want you both to do good na mean that's why.

[Tragedian.]

this was really good grim.....flow was on point thru out the whole drop and you matched it mutlies very well....a very creative drop from both of you...but more from grim...his verse seemed a lil less played...and had more orignal appoch to it...i was feelin emotion in this soo much....very deep...keep up grim

[GrimmyReaps]

lol ok tks pak...

[GrimmyReaps]

rise for feed...

[Es.Choir]

WoW, I'll hit links later...
And this was the quickest topical I've ever written...25 minutes.
I'm proud of myself.

Thanks for the feed everyone. Good Job grim.

[XM]

Honestly these was an pretty decent drop from both my homies

Grim:
Nice drops homie you were hit'n the topic hard from the begginnig but kinda fell of here and there but not too much, don't try and be great with your drops be a perfectionist not saying try to be perfect but you have you own style with topicals and i noticed that about you homie, ya kno like me in most of my topicals my style is wordplay and multies not much emotion and thats wat i lack try added multies to bring out your vocabulary some more your emotions is good and so is your imagry props homie props

Es Choir:
Stop usings all your names dammit lmao but seriously you have your own style also but homie you were kinda inconsistant with your vocabulary but constant with repeated wordings ya feel me ya voice you have for drops is noticable and you could really be a force to be reckon with on this board your imagry and wording is exceptional props to you also homie

keep drop'n

[.Tilt.]

dopeness grim u brought great imagary to this man dope flow mean vocab jus all around one of the better oms ive ever seen nigga

es man u always got a dope verse some where in u nigga and u proved that yet again dopeness to

the two of u together jus made a hell of a om nigga dope callab wouldnt mind seein u guys together again