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Thread: Exotic Beauty- The Fire Met The Ocean

  1. #1
    Threat Level Midnight Tim's Avatar
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    Exotic Beauty- The Fire Met The Ocean

    .prelude.
    the wide mouthed sea gazed deep into the eyes of it's volcanic brethren
    and with a raspy voice, the flames bellowed, from somewhere deep within the earth,
    "i deny you, great puddle of the planet, as the emperor of the elements"
    a great disturbance was felt, and several towering waves crashed into the base of the volcano fruitless efforts, that only antagonized the mountain of heat at last, the fire roared down the side of it's base and crashed into the seaa great steam arrose, and a great battle went underway...


    insatiable infuration, an infusion of ash and mist
    the true tides of war. the ocean floor, a sturdy fist
    arduous association, the brink of two realms
    idle infatuation, undecided who's at the helm
    as if only to overwhelm, the molten cataclysm oozed ahead
    a miracle, one thought, but a show of violent upheaval instead
    flustering fire, amorous escapade, flirt with passion
    wavering water, taunting ratio in an unseen fashion
    the two, as described, share their everlasting hate
    though their love is thicker than the earth that they break
    emerging earthquakes, they're the fruit of their commitment
    astringent alliance, chaos is their only vital aliment
    to harbor this full course meal would prove to be frightening
    the sum of two great forces can only be enlightening
    emulating encounter, a two step dance straight into oblivion
    excruciating estrangement, a tie left to imagination's discretion
    an oppression of sanity, held back by this searing, aquatical pact
    held together by elemental confessions of a misconstrued attack
    aspiring adjustment, union between Minerva and Poseidon's gifts
    enamored extasy, a fusion that requires the perspectives shifts
    when the roar died down, the sea sepperated and let the flames come to rest
    in the end, fire met the ocean t'was a tale of exotic beauty at its best

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  3. #3
    Black On Black Philly®'s Avatar
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    damn this was dope as fuck... the introlude really grabbed my attention.. which was a plus due to this not being a but so short peice.. nice way to keep us wanting more..


    let me first start by saying that the angle n idea of the peice i loved
    ya vocab was superb man.. prob's.. i kno it's hard to get counter acting words to use let along have it actually make sence in the story. the imagery was dope i liked how the word choice was broken into visuals.. meaning ur wording of events helped me see everything like i was there.

    the flow of the peice was wrather coo.. not no it's super dope.. but it flowed correctly due to no falty wording.. at the end lines i might/could say it was a lil stretched, but it still flowed coo.

    Your rhyme scheme was nice.. i didn't catch any internal's.. excuse me if i missed them.. but i liked whole you brought your ending rhyme into the next line at some points.. not alot tho.. twas nice

    Multies i mighta caught some.. i'm not a big fan of em, i figure if u can write a good peice without them then write it.. i guess it could flowed it up a lil more, but overall twas just fine

    Overall i say this was a outstanding peice man.. i think i'll be nominating this shizzle.. no doubt

    Prop's man n keep writing

  4. #4
    Threat Level Midnight Tim's Avatar
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    thanks dude uppin

  5. #5
    Threat Level Midnight Tim's Avatar
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    uppin leave links

  6. #6
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Very nice. A good read that ineterests and awes the reader. I liked the way your started it off by personifying the elements and that made me interested into reading the commencing verse. I was subtly surpirsed with the way i wchich your vocab weaved easiily into the sentence and the flow steadily carried the reader along. Thus, making it more easier to read. The alliteration was an added attraction to the already interesting piece and gave it a boost. Furthermore, i enjoyed the depth that your detail went into i.e. each action was given personification.

    Overall, an enjoyable and interesting read, well done on that and if you get the minute, i'll appreciate some comments on this link as well.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=307188

  7. #7
    Threat Level Midnight Tim's Avatar
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    thank you uppin

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