"1,2,3,4 Strikes; You're Out!"

[Atti]

His left elbow spins quick and
lands its tip on the clear beer glass's
back as his drinks begins to splash...

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

The bar form dissipates in spores
as the raised arms and hands
of the men descend across the floor.
The scene now seems to bleeds away
along the sound waves of these shouts
and screams as all that comes higher
is the umpire's call... "HEEEE'S OUT!"

"SON OF A BITCH!"

The young kid who just strolled in;
only sat back for a quick cold drink
and decided to try his luck just
put his on number 9 and pulled a win!
Suddenly the scene is sea, red infact.
The flames rage in the traps of iris
as eyes dart across the table tops
to mar this cocky pricks odd gaze...
Until he finished his 5th drink,
winked... then went on his way.

Every face in envy, to the light
better alike step to their feet,
throwing money around like it were free.
Jake, Rob, Mike, and O'Mally
are at the bar standing on crates;
they want to hear the plays
first, that way they can work
the room, that crew's always gotta be first.
Everyone's shouting, the crowd
hasn't sat down since Joe got to bat,
though........................................
There's a strange man in the back.
Sipping the shadows out of his drink,
the man is unfazed by the game.
Get a quick chill, short of breath;
his forehead almost seems to glow red.
Can't even make out his face,
draped in disillusion his mood
couldn't seem to be placed.

But whatever, why the hell
should I concern myself?

"Oh Ya! This next one's mine,
Just wait and see, Joe's gon' a hit
it just right... I'd bet my life on it."

Everyone laughs on, grabs their ones
and plants them along the counter top.
But that man, tips his crooked
looking mask and slyly replies...

"Really... Bet your life?"

"Ha..."

I'm alittle taken, his mouth is now
nearly erasing his opaque smile,
but I didn't give it any doubt.

"Hell ya! We'll say my life
... And 50 dollars, you in fellah?"

He nodded while falling back
into the blackness of confidence...

"Haha, yes... Quite the hefty bet."

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Announcer: JOE! JOE! Why would you do it? What could possibly cause you to throw away everything that you had going for you?!

Joe! Jo-

Shoeless Joe Jackson: It's hard for even me to believe...
but, I guess it was just the devil in me.

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=295798
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=294746

[Atti]

Not my best piece by any means, I dropped it for SS a few weeks back and wasn't too pleased with it but hey, work is work... I mine as well see what you guys think about it. Topic given was, Gamble! Gamble?

[Atti]

What the fuck? Why has this site been so lame lately...

[+AffIzIaL+]

this sitesat a all time low of self respect and also respect for others arts!..but not me....this was a diffrent writting from you...diffrent topic..another side of you tht yet excells to greatness. the flow was there and also along with the story telling and the emotion....reall deep details as well nice assets to have great pice yes not your best but still good!.

[Atti]

Ya, it wasn't as objetive as most of my work... More about narration and storytelling, sequence. Thanks for the feedback.

[James,]

Original topic, I really liked it, you had a good use of rhymes, and good vocab...the whole piece was interesting and it kept me wanting to read it, it was put really well into narrative form, and it flowed good, this was a whole different topic than usual good open mic's, joe jackson was a good person to use in this topic, a basball topic at all is rare, and using the mix of betting and consequences made this a talented piece, I enjoyed the read...


If you could return the favor
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=298517
thanks