somethin quick.. took me like 30 mins prolly.. tell me wut ya think
In The Candle Light
Man and woman unite, skilled with motion, the room filled with emotion
Thoughts vanished, distilled notions to be tossed, spilled in the ocean
Music whispered and spoken, each bearing a grin and snickering slightly
The only light was the flame of the candle, as it sat flickering lightly
As they grasp it hits him, love, at last it exists, he passed that abyss
Hands dodge her ass to her hips, he leans forward and shares a passionate kiss
They're done with playing and begin swaying, switching their stance to the beat
Souls churning, burning, they dance with their hearts as they dance with their feet
Once the first glance was complete he laid sight on his true prize
As they twinkled and sparkled, he couldn't look away from those blue eyes
.
Two future hours approached the present then quietly drifted to the yore
Their gifted souls soared, they find themselves still shifting on the floor
She was lifted once more, a moment of peaceful romance, way beyond despair
He noticed the candlelight still shining, illuminating her beautiful blonde hair
On they danced, no need for music, for they never listened to it at all
And their enormous shadows were visible, swaying, glistening on the wall
They whirled and they twirled and swirled into a whirlwind of burning passion
Every time she twisted, he would watch it lift the turquoise dress of fashion
Throughout it all, the candle danced with them, still glowing a golden ember
A night with a dance in the candle light, was definitely a night to remember
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. The wordplay was good. The structure was nice. The detail in the story is what I liked most. The imagery of each person was also exciting.I for one liked this.
Anyways it was a very good peice, you had wonderful imagery throughout this. I can't see a 15 yrs old writting something like this, let alone in 30 min. But whatever do what you do 