User Tag List

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Showing results 1 to 15 of 30

Thread: A Natural Death

  1. #1
    Merk Squad
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Posts
    12,828
    Battle Record
    52-32
    Awards Legendary Battle Haymaker Maddnes Champion - HM 3 winner 50+ Wins Legendary Member OM HOF LLL Champion LLL Season Champion LLL HOF

    A Natural Death

    a beautiful globe of life's colors.. clouded by the mist of deception
    where the pursuit of perfection somehow turned in a twisted direction
    strange we let it burn.. almost insane the changes as it turned
    all were given the gift of life.. but see there's no exchanges or returns
    so men seek power. in the hour of need they let the masses bleed
    the religions of the world, were supposed to plant compassion's seed
    instead the bred hatred.. from egotistical angelical aspirations
    where God became divided n' used as an excuse to conquer nations
    n' so the method became.. hence the endless centuries of pain
    with every slice of the sword, blasphemously mentioning his name
    pretend to follow the path of Jesus, while true motives stay hidden
    using fear, forcing people to say they believe in something they didn't
    it's almost like.. when all the natives were slayed they barely noticed
    I guess they forgot, all the laws that were laid in the days of moses
    ever so quickly.. the sands of time poured into the glass bottom
    so much wrong going on I can barely remember the last problem
    went past God when.. they went nuts n' started thuggin the shit
    eventually narrowed to two adversaries like the bloods n' the crips
    so here we stand, on the brink, to hard to think about reality
    cuz when it starts, to rip apart, it'll set new records in fatalities
    christianity's scarred our history.. can't change all the hurt done
    n' the muslims want a piece of the pie, even if it means burnt crumbs
    we've made deviation impossible. no way to steer beyond turmoil
    the truth's in front of us. while we pretend it's about nuclear bombs n' oil
    see it's not his fault.. every faggot dictator wants to test our nation
    be serious.. how can you blame a Bush for a forest of desecration?
    personally, I believe in Christ. but you won't see me reppin at all
    people don't realize.. the most powerful weapon isn't a weapon at all
    all we've got left is prayer, hope and love to fight the despair
    what we've done here.. no swords, guns or bombs can ever repair
    it's unfair.. we'll never know how much time is actually left
    my only wish.. is that my daughter will live to see a natural death
    Last edited by $pitacular; June 18th, 2009 at 02:03 PM

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Poetry is my Art
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    The suburbs
    Age
    34
    Posts
    607
    Battle Record
    8-5
    Good spit", i liked how everything came together.... you really did good....all the lines the tempo was great... keep it up... just redo the font... and if you'd do me a favor and tell me my errors and mistakes in my om's in my sig. i'd be greatful... thanks,,,

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    "My poems come from the heart, like "Heart Attacks", ....Serious"

  4. #4
     
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Age
    32
    Posts
    4,172
    Battle Record
    1-0
    pretend to follow the path of Jesus, while true motives stay hidden
    using fear, forcing people to say they believe in something they didn't
    Good shit. Great shit. A lot of comparisons to the Church and God, which I adore because I'm Atheist and I love showing people what is really true about the Christian religion in my pieces. Though you may be Catholic, Christian, or w/e your beliefs are, I respect that, so let me get on with the feedback. The line I just quoted was really true, and it effected me alot. Priests, or other authorities of the Church think that when people are part of a certain religion, then they have to praise and cherish it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, well they're wrong. I'm glad you pointed it all out in here, and shit.

    we've made deviation impossible. no way to steer beyond turmoil
    the truth's in front of us. while we pretend it's about nuclear bombs n' oil
    see it's not his fault.. every faggot dictator wants to test our nation
    be serious.. how can you blame a Bush for a forest of desecration?
    Like wow, its so true, and I love the way you put emotion when you swear, it feels like you're really anger and you're taking it all out on the government and the fake religion beliefs. I mean wow, its great. I loved this shit, I'll be nominating this. Meanwhile, click the link in my sig. Piece, and congrats on your daughter.

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  5. #5
    None
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Posts
    20,660
    Battle Record
    18-0
    I'm busy getting ready for graduation so I can't give much of a reply

    Nicely done. I especially liked the line,
    "people don't realize.. the most powerful weapon isn't a weapon at all"
    Well put. and good piece, and peace

  6. #6
    Banned chuck taylor.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Age
    35
    Posts
    3,570
    Battle Record
    42-21
    damn all white american babys look the same! this was a pretty nice peice here man, flowed well wasnt choppy at all.. you used the right words for your selection of vocab, i enjoyed the topic, very real... stayed on topic... concept was good.. but the best part of this was the emotion and the depth it had... very deep..

    good shit

    1

  7. #7
    Merk Squad
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Posts
    12,828
    Battle Record
    52-32
    Awards Legendary Battle Haymaker Maddnes Champion - HM 3 winner 50+ Wins Legendary Member OM HOF LLL Champion LLL Season Champion LLL HOF
    thanks for all the feedback guys

    lmao @ "all white american babies"

    she's mexican american. both her mother and I are half.

  8. #8
    A few of the Chosen Lurid's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    valleys of death
    Age
    33
    Posts
    2,313
    Battle Record
    22-11
    Emotion was written all over this piece, u brought up hot topics in todays world which make it relevant and more interesting to read, the ideas of God and religion , jesus and moses added alot to ur piece, some of the flo got cut off by random unrhyming lines which takes away ur train of thought and with my short attention span it makes it hard to get the feel of the piece right back again , the vocab was great and the rhyme / concept scheme was amazing , the imagry didnt seem all that great, i had trouble picturing it in my head.good piece 9/10
    Notarized Artistry

    Open Mics

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  9. #9
    Innovator.
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Age
    37
    Posts
    3,990
    Battle Record
    1-1
    Nice and very insightful. In all honesty, I didn't think you could write nor execute a well-written OM at all, but I liked this a lot. You brought a present problem, past historical conflict, biblical references, and reproduction all into one. Majority of people can't pull that off, but you did. A lot of memorable lines. Oh btw: Rep Jesus. The last person who denied him, 3 times to be exact...well, you should know the rest of the story

    Good shit.
    AI. Legendary.
    19x HOF. Seven Titles. 50.

  10. #10
    dead on revival soulstice.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    3,204
    Battle Record
    8-3
    this was cool and very well executed.. i like the way you structured the story/rant/ whatever you wanna call it, and you included a vast amount of allusions throughout your verse.. which is very difficult and complex thing to do... the rhyme scheme was pretty good, but it could be a little more complex.. vocab was pretty much good as well.. not too much

    hit up my piece "Burden On My Shoulders"
    .............................vvvvvvvvv
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=294107

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  11. #11
    bitch.
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Indianapolis
    Age
    34
    Posts
    2,114
    Battle Record
    11-25
    The emotion was great, and some of the metaphors we're dope. Especially the Bush and forest fire one. Alot of deep lines throughout this. The vocab was good, I liked the fact that I could read every line without a damn dictionary and still feel the message your trying to get acrossed. Dope, $pit...dope.

  12. #12
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Manhattan, NY
    Posts
    6,055
    Battle Record
    34-13
    instead the bred hatred.. from egotistical angelical aspirations
    where God became divided n' used as an excuse to conquer nations
    n' so the method became.. hence the endless centuries of pain
    with every slice of the sword, blasphemously mentioning his name

    christianity's scarred our history.. can't change all the hurt done
    n' the muslims want a piece of the pie, even if it means burnt crumbs

    see it's not his fault.. every faggot dictator wants to test our nation
    be serious.. how can you blame a Bush for a forest of desecration?
    personally, I believe in Christ. but you won't see me reppin at all
    people don't realize.. the most powerful weapon isn't a weapon at all

    it's unfair.. we'll never know how much time is actually left
    my only wish.. is that my daughter will live to see a natural death

    ^All these lines were dope as fuck with a lot of interesting meaning to them. The beggining of this whole piece was a good way to start it off and kept me interested but then it got much much better and the rhymescheme was cool, nothing simple, but nothing too complex.. basically nice concept and i like how you were intellectual with it while still bringing out that personal emotion. I'll nominate this for june of ofcourse.

  13. #13
    Merk Squad
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Posts
    12,828
    Battle Record
    52-32
    Awards Legendary Battle Haymaker Maddnes Champion - HM 3 winner 50+ Wins Legendary Member OM HOF LLL Champion LLL Season Champion LLL HOF
    Quote Originally Posted by .Nique.
    Nice and very insightful. In all honesty, I didn't think you could write nor execute a well-written OM at all, but I liked this a lot. You brought a present problem, past historical conflict, biblical references, and reproduction all into one. Majority of people can't pull that off, but you did. A lot of memorable lines. Oh btw: Rep Jesus. The last person who denied him, 3 times to be exact...well, you should know the rest of the story

    Good shit.

    When I said I won't be 'reppin it at all' I meant the way they did, with violence.. keep in mind the bloods/crips comparison, and that's what i meant. I'll always spread the word

    thanks for the feedback, all of you..

  14. #14
    beyond dope.
    Join Date
    Jun 2000
    Location
    the Netherlands
    Posts
    13,191
    Battle Record
    50-27
    i dont get why you jump into the discussion of we half mexican both..

    who gives a fuck really?

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    - Artificial Intelligence

  15. #15
    beyond dope.
    Join Date
    Jun 2000
    Location
    the Netherlands
    Posts
    13,191
    Battle Record
    50-27
    nice emotion in this drop, i feld what you was saying.. keep at it man, and props on your girl, luck with her.

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    - Artificial Intelligence

Similar Threads

  1. Natural
    By Thrust in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: April 8th, 2010, 08:21 PM
  2. Natural
    By G Deal in forum The Studio
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: November 26th, 2009, 05:40 AM
  3. the natural vs yo
    By THE NATURAL in forum Closed Battles
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: September 23rd, 2007, 10:40 AM
  4. Was Joe C's death the death of hip hop for Kid Rock?
    By Born To Kill in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: October 13th, 2005, 02:16 PM
  5. Natural or Something Else?
    By Lsd in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: March 21st, 2005, 04:58 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •