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Thread: victory

  1. May 20th, 2006, 07:46 PM #1
    mc pyro.
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    victory

    an art gallery intoxocated with a theifs theme historical
    i represt elements at test my existence is metophorical
    asking me if i am ready to die the question is rhetorical
    sillouetted in a paragraph is a hidden a truthful analogy
    deep poetic antics mixed wit some old skool technology
    forsaken for mainstream but wont be needin an apology
    cross roads seperatin friend from foe as my loyaltys grow
    uluagys is long forgotten in the wake where i first arose
    my eledged performances wit my germ will come disease
    incorperate wit ease eatin 10 at times or watever i please
    because this world is diminished and this be a dirty game
    where people are terrorized and rappers are getting slain
    are you seriously ready to be open to like what you see
    because certian misery a small fee for all these angretys
    so you be intuitive and take a stand for what ya'll belive
    revelations you'll recive... but only to turn old and grieve
    for somethin u once had it was ripped quick from ya grip
    right path you slipped choose heads but the coin was flipped
    my mood swings but stays fiery just like some metorolgy
    seems that i poeticly outspoken as if it were philosology
    well fuck all this im done asking questions no more at it
    adict cause me to freeze like stillmatic i remain ecstatic
    about how these penatrating rap flowz keep decending
    my happy endings fending haters what im comprehending
    im blending... so consider me as if i were a camoflague
    i'm whisped like the sands wind's like i were a maurage
    i say this tentivy not to sound sad or to be exhilarated
    fractions reguarded as shades of grey will be unshaded
    shrouded by duductiveness will be degraded and broken
    match vocab with flowz of heart to find victory spoken

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...16#post4485616
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...31#post4485631
    hit up these om's wit some feed

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  2. May 20th, 2006, 07:46 PM #2
    mc pyro.
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    uppin some feed on this
    hit up these om's wit some feed

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  3. May 21st, 2006, 02:08 PM #3
    mc pyro.
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    uppins
    hit up these om's wit some feed

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  4. May 22nd, 2006, 07:32 PM #4
    sILLable
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    not bad......good vocab and wordplay for the most part...but philosology isnt a word...just thought id let ya know that...try and use words that exist...structure was straight...rhyme scheme was there..your story skipped around a bit...you had some good imagery..some of your lines seemed forced and your wordplay...other than that pretty ill piece...keep elevatin and droppin.~1~


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  5. May 24th, 2006, 04:12 PM #5
    mc pyro.
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    thx i must have spelled philosolgy wrong cause it is a real word i have heard it before and it has something to do with the shock factor from being quiet (outspoken as i put it) anyway uppin some more feed
    hit up these om's wit some feed

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  6. May 24th, 2006, 04:47 PM #6
    Mic.
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    yea for real i liked this. topic was meh. but this turned out to be a really good peice. first few lines were interesting and got me reading. nice flow throughout. good vocab overall. good rhymes. and overall this was a really enjoyable read. keep it up. peace~
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  7. May 25th, 2006, 06:10 PM #7
    mc pyro.
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    thx uppin some more feed
    hit up these om's wit some feed

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  8. May 25th, 2006, 06:28 PM #8
    Dyl
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    Didn't really like this piece bro.Your structue was good but that was all that I thought was good.You do not need these big words in your piece to make it dope.You really over used them and it made the piece look a bit lame.Use more metas.You wer really lacking tem too.Wordplay was iight but again needs to be better.Really I do think you used a theasauras here casue nobody would put all these words in a piece.Just did not flow well.No hate

    pz
    Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper?
    On his way down past each floor,he kept saying to reassure himself
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    But how you fall doesn't matter
    Its how you land
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  9. May 25th, 2006, 07:09 PM #9
    mc pyro.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dyl
    Didn't really like this piece bro.Your structue was good but that was all that I thought was good.You do not need these big words in your piece to make it dope.You really over used them and it made the piece look a bit lame.Use more metas.You wer really lacking tem too.Wordplay was iight but again needs to be better.Really I do think you used a theasauras here casue nobody would put all these words in a piece.Just did not flow well.No hate

    pz
    well thx for the critisism it's nice to hear different opinions
    uppin some more feed
    hit up these om's wit some feed

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  10. May 25th, 2006, 07:27 PM #10
    Philly B. Sparkz
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    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=294136
    ^^
    RTF on this drop

    ok this was ok just up on ur VOCAB and personal emotion and delivery. make it to the point where you catch my attention man. add multies that twist and hard metas man that can also make us relate to this topic.

    nice man just up on your delivery and emotion man.
    <<The real Renegade
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  11. May 29th, 2006, 07:22 PM #11
    mc pyro.
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    thx uppins some more feed
    hit up these om's wit some feed

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  12. May 29th, 2006, 07:28 PM #12
    Syk.iLL
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    Uhmm
    I think you need to downplay your VOCAB, because some lines just lacked diction. Like they were there just to flaunt. I mean they convolute the message. Diction comes before vocab in ALL cases. Just keep that in mind as you write future pieces. You have the bassics and you seem to like pushing just let it flow.

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  13. May 30th, 2006, 08:15 PM #13
    mc pyro.
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    thx uppin some more feed
    hit up these om's wit some feed

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  14. May 31st, 2006, 08:10 PM #14
    mc pyro.
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  15. June 1st, 2006, 07:41 PM #15
    mc pyro.
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