The Gun, the Bullet and The Man It Meant To Hit

[Syk.iLL]

The Gun, the Bullet and The Man It Meant To Hit




I once traveled to a land diseased with genocide
Where lion entrails was sold overseas for the land's pride
Landslides caked with plague and cracked bones
Where slaves are made to pay back business loans
I witness the eyes slipping off their visage
Was I dipped in a mirage or an unloaded barage
Of bullets that replaced the barren lakes
A chalice filled with melted lead, people drinking to fate
Dropping dead, they regurgitate their wastes and guts
Fecal matter splattered on rotten tissue smother in rust

I wish I was just one of those tourist that took a risk
With their polaroids flash lit, flickered and hissed
The language of ghosts, metal boxes scabbed the coasts
Tombstones for those with draught and toast
Still in their knapsack, Uneaten sandwhich still wrapped
Soldiers smoulder the flesh, to feast on child's last
Wish they spoke in a lisp, they kissed charred cheeks.
Blood cradled in the spaces between their teeth

In the shadows of Veitnam
Deafened by hearing Cambodia bombed
Our toddlers watch our people slain
Our people
Without letters for names

You never realize evil till you've slipped in sin
Though it was an accident you wanted to happen
My skin was etched in blood, sketching my musculature
Moments blurred as time twisted as bullets slurred
Half a man, a shot punctured his face
Spilling wit from the nostrils dilating in disgrace
A single word dripped from his toungue as he spit
"Why?" Why did he die? He was a traitor I was told
His body roped and bag after being unclothed

"Country is truth, and truth salvation
But the traitor uses it to disguise damnation
Have patience soldier and learn to sharpshoot this hymn
To the din of bullets that a single finger sings"

I rocked the body to a field followered with bullet tips
Where a black and white child played with her hair clips
"You kid! Leave what are you here for"
"I can't daddy told me to wait, Mister
Oh can you help me find him? Please!"

I pushed her aside ignoring her cries
But as she walked away a picture dripped from her hand
I saw a face, "He was killed last year..."
Damn

[Syk.iLL]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=292765
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=292759

[Anov L. Idea]

This was real good, a sad, played story. sorry to say, lol.

But, every story has it's differences. And this was well put together, I can't really say much else feedback wise.

But I can quote your best bar:

Landslides caked with plague and cracked bones
Where slaves are made to pay back business loans


Such nice multis, and a deep meaning. I think you will be good at this given another month or two.

Don't get me wrong, you already ARE good.. I just mean real good. You get me.

[DrunknMonkey]

This was real good, a sad, played story. sorry to say, lol.

But, every story has it's differences. And this was well put together, I can't really say much else feedback wise.

But I can quote your best bar:

Landslides caked with plague and cracked bones
Where slaves are made to pay back business loans


Such nice multis, and a deep meaning. I think you will be good at this given another month or two.

Don't get me wrong, you already ARE good.. I just mean real good. You get me.
^^^WERD Though we all could use Elevation.....No-One's ever at the top of there game...


Links to my latest O-M's
__________________________________
Socities Obiturary
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=292836

America Explained
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=292489

Irrelivent Conversing from Minorities
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=292684

BATTLES I NEED CLOSED
________________________________
Me Vs. Elite 3263
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=292934

[Syk.iLL]

Fly to the SKY!

[NiNjah Red]

format dropped tite.......opening bars was nice....plenty of dope rhymes f'sho.......
vocab was crispy as well. good usage of multies 2...........
nice visual imagery set the surroundings...nice poetry combined elements...........
you added originality to the whole concept/topic. so yeah u done it justice with high grade rhyming skills.............plenty of action and twists. so f'sho ish was mad tite

stay 1

pz

[Invalid.]

ight I liked the concept but I would of liked it better if the concept was realted like and if you told a story where you were the one about to get killed or the one with the gun so I could feel the emotion more and I didn't really like all these big words you should've just used simple words smart ass lol anyway it was ight

[soulstice.]

alriughty...... this had a real poetic feel, with a pretty nice concept, though it was pretty played out, you had it flipped very well... the vocab was pretty nice as well... only one thing threw me off of this piece though, and that was the r=hyme scheme, it was a little simple and loose, try to multisyllablize (word?) the rhymes.... nahmean?

hit up "Burden On My Shoulders"

[Facts Machine]

The rhymescheme and concept caught my attention cuz war stuff interests me and ive seen that picture before in the jedi mind tricks album. anyways it was deep u kno i felt the emotion and the plot was hot.. the ending was cool but some of the rhymes could have been more complex like longer in syllables. i like how it was poetic hip-hop style'd it's fun to read shit like that.