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Thread: Space Is Lonely (Part 1)

  1. #1
    Newbie mosh_master's Avatar
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    Space Is Lonely (Part 1)

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    this is pretty long... but has a cool story behind it. if I get some good feedback in here, then I will post up the second and final half.

    Sweat pouring down my face as I'm sitting in the cockpit... So many thoughts running through my mind... Will I be coming back alive? What will I encounter in a strange, new place to me? But I'm drawn to the mystery of the heavens, and nothing is going to stop this expedition....

    Hear the rocket blast off as there came engines roarin’
    All the tubes grasp the body, now the flames send them soarin’
    Check, and once again, I saw them as I stared on the ground
    My fiancée and kids clasp their ears, they scared of the sound
    But they seein’ in their hearts that I’m known as a patriot
    Sorry that I’ve been away so much, you’ve grown and I’m hatin’ it
    I could try and ignore it, but the sky has a calling
    We’re attached at the soul, each time, I die as I’m falling
    So I feel a sense of home as I’m reachin’ the sky
    I’m the king of the heavens, angels? I teach ‘em to fly
    Now I’m breachin’ the heights of clouds as I’m breaking atmosphere
    Another step for humanity is what I’m taking at most here
    I’m mistaking that close fear for the dark in the distance
    But the seeds and lights of God have come to spark an existence
    In the stem of my mind, and now I’m seein’ the galaxy
    The lid over our Earth, it’s more a roof than our palates be
    And what comes out of this cover is just so much more rapturing
    Than anything on our planet, finds it easy to capture things
    And I’m flowing on air, not even knowing I’m there
    An easing calm floods through my veins and stops my growing despair
    My senses going impaired, I’m in a total new mind state
    Only happy thoughts are there, this feeling seems to define ‘great’
    And I’m hoping emotions I’m having last me forever
    But what I see through the windscreen as I’m blastin’ the lever
    Really chills my insides, it really freezed my veins
    The black hole looming in front of me ain’t eased my pains
    The swirling mass of nothingness is tryin’a draw me in
    And as I get even closer, I hear the roar begin
    The rocket jolting as the chunks of rock smack onto the side
    All I think about’s my wife and kids… I’m goin’ to die
    And my thoughts are dwellin’ deep inside my cerebral cortex
    As I’m floatin’ ever closer to this big, evil vortex
    Feel the sudden pulling feeling as I near the centre
    Roll myself up like a baby, just a mere placenta
    ‘Cause I’ve never been so scared as my ship starts to enter
    All I’m hearing is a rushing, all I see is magenta
    Lookin’ out the side display, I just had to peek fast
    All I see is moving black, a couple stars streak past
    And then suddenly, it stops… All I hear is my heart
    All my emotions are drained, even my fear at the start
    And all I can do is wonder, as my head starts to twirl
    “What am I seein’ out my window… What is this brand new world?”

    To Be Continued…

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  2. #2
    Newbie mosh_master's Avatar
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    come on y'all, don't sleep

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  3. #3
    Newbie mosh_master's Avatar
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    Y'all are sleeeeeepin' like my bars is sheep... and that's shit, 'cause there's not that many if you count them

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  4. #4
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    This piece is HOT...Ya Imagery in this joint is wild and I was feeling that.....The Topic was very different and you played on it well....The vocab you could've upped a lil but it was still cool...Ya multi's were limited but that's aiight ...... overall I'd say this was a good drop , the different topic is what grabbed my attention so you do good at coming up with subjects.....I think that if you upped ya vocab you'd be a pretty dangerous topical head.... But GOod Drop and Keep It up....

  5. #5
    Newbie mosh_master's Avatar
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    yeah, I only ever have good vocab when I'm really trying hard to get that aspect in there
    thanks alot for the feedback homie
    anymore please? I'll post up Part 2 on request, if youz want

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