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Thread: With New Love, There`s Old Flames!

  1. #1
    BRB, Jumping Ship Baron Mynd's Avatar
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    With New Love, There`s Old Flames!

    With New Love, There`s Old Flames…

    – By Baron Mynd



    She sang from the soul, with a voice that commanded control ..
    .. and candidly strolled the stages circumference with an ambient glow.
    Revelling in her glamorous role, as he seethed in the corner ..
    .. watching her smile beam with the aura of a seasoned performer.
    His hatred grew, as he waited through her ‘tasteless slew of grating Blues’ ..
    .. Applause erupted, straight on cue, and he opted to make his move ..
    ***
    Knowing it would take a few minutes before the curtain would fall,
    He made an uncertain withdrawal…
    …to backstage where he started searching the halls,
    His hands fervidly toured the burgundy walls as his quest ensued ..
    .. before it halted him like a pointed gun -

    Her dressing room!

    ***
    The sequestered brute rests his huge fingers on the handle’s brow ..
    .. and her clicking heels rang aloud as she ambled down in her spangled gown.
    With no time to hang around…
    …this stark recluse, threw himself in the darkened room
    Poor Cassandra had no idea what she was about to embark into ..
    ***
    Slowly, she entered.

    She ventured a brief sense of relief as she pondered the Saturday ..
    .. whilst discarding the auburn hairpiece she’d donned for the cabaret,
    The thankful throngs at the matinee had brought tears to her eyes ..
    .. When suddenly-
    A tall figure near to her right, gave her a fearful surprise!
    He covered her mouth with his palm,
    Remaining resoundingly calm ..
    .. as he grabbed for her neck, pulled out a knife, and savagely stabbed her to death.



    This is from the RSTL this week, my opponent no-showed, lemme know what you think!

    Peace.

    WORD P e r f e c t !


    RESERVOIR GODS


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  2. #2
    BRB, Jumping Ship Baron Mynd's Avatar
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    Replied to Soulstice and Evolve`s latest works.

    Leave links with your replies and i`ll get at those too,

    Peace!

    WORD P e r f e c t !


    RESERVOIR GODS


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  3. #3
    dead on revival soulstice.'s Avatar
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    goddamn, the first stanza had megatonic superpyscho inners, it flowed silkily perfecto, thats just a big wow, man.. good multisyllabic rhyming and the word usage was great, nice description as well. To be honest, as linear as this piece would look as a whole, it threw me off, because i thought he was going to rape her... so the end suprised me, good job.. overall: tight piece, little short, but still nice, keep at it

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  4. #4
    Whiiteboy Daz's Avatar
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    Honestly i also thought he was going to rape her. But it seemed to me this ending to soon. I needed a longer peice from you. It would've been ill as fuck. It's still ill just short.
    But overall dope peices. this whole part.
    She sang from the soul, with a voice that commanded control ..
    .. and candidly strolled the stages circumference with an ambient glow.
    Revelling in her glamorous role, as he seethed in the corner ..
    .. watching her smile beam with the aura of a seasoned performer.
    His hatred grew, as he waited through her ‘tasteless slew of grating Blues’ ..
    .. Applause erupted, straight on cue, and he opted to make his move ..

    is ill as fuck

    Holla at mine.

    Una Palabra ft Daz

    pZ
    Always Impervious an Axis Power.


    Supermod Me.

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    WOW!...this a was a fuckin nice drop homes. nice emotion and delivery that blended and the story telling GOD DAMN!...nice. it kept me interest and on my toes through the whole piece but like what DAZ said it was too short homes..it could have been a perfect piece but its shortness slacked your piece!. your multies and vocab just was a great added asset to this drop along with the intro and closer!
    Open Mic

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    Written Voices

  6. #6
    BRB, Jumping Ship Baron Mynd's Avatar
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    Up, up and away!

    WORD P e r f e c t !


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  7. #7
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
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    I dont like you anymore. You always have these pieces that arent finished .. yet are masterful. From now on you are no longer allowed to drop unfinished pieces. This was dope man. Your flow & word choice are as close to perfect as can be. Imagery is always on point. JUST FINISH THE DAMN THING NEXT TIME!!!!

  8. #8
    BRB, Jumping Ship Baron Mynd's Avatar
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    ^ Haha. I actually had up until like... the last 'stanza' wrote already, but when I browsed my battle at RM, my opponent hadnt showed up, so I just quickly threw the last part together. Im in the #1 Contendership match this week at RapMusic, hoping to bring the title back to RB :^)

    WORD P e r f e c t !


    RESERVOIR GODS


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  9. #9
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
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    This was good...very good...as your OM's always are...

    But this one ended blah...very rushed...too fuckin quick.

    What happened?

  10. #10
     
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    She sang from the soul, with a voice that commanded control ..
    .. and candidly strolled the stages circumference with an ambient glow.
    Revelling in her glamorous role, as he seethed in the corner ..
    .. watching her smile beam with the aura of a seasoned performer.
    His hatred grew, as he waited through her ‘tasteless slew of grating Blues’ ..
    .. Applause erupted, straight on cue, and he opted to make his move ..
    Dammit, that was crazy. Absolutely AMAZING story. I wanted this to go on, maybe into another stanza, or another chapter into the storyline you are writing to. The topic was ver original, I love the quote you used for it. If you came up with that witty expression, then I gotta hand it to ya. I also thought the man was going to rape her, but instead...just stabbed her to death...ended it cleanly. Too bad it didnt go any further, I would've loved to know what would happened next. Its your choice though, you're a great writer, and I loved this shit. Peace.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=292338

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  11. #11
    too good to be true
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    This was really dope cam, the flow was insane. You always seem to have perfect wording on all of your lines to fit exactly what u want it to say. Its crazy. Dope story, but like what everyone was saying, i wish it would have been longer. Great drop Cam, keep it up.

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=291054

  12. #12
    Banned Big C.'s Avatar
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    I liked this peice. kinda short but really good.
    Imagery was excellent thoughout this whole peice.
    Flow was smooth and i was feeling that.
    Vocab and complexity was nice as well....
    Overall this was a really good peice....

  13. #13
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    wow this shit was dope as hell i like the flow and really went wit the emotion...the wordin was really nice this just made me want to read it more it was off the chain nice drop

  14. #14
    BRB, Jumping Ship Baron Mynd's Avatar
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    Gyeah!

    WORD P e r f e c t !


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  15. #15
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    Not much to criticize. Struggling to come up with something to say that differs from what has already been said. The murder didnt really come as a suprise to me. It was apparent that the dude hated her rather than wanting to gain some sort of forced gratification. Flowed to perfection, you seem to always use the best words in the best places. I could say that it was too short. But in reality this was perfect length. .and I only wanted it to go on and on. I could criticize consistency, mainly because of the dizzying heights you achieved with the first stanza. Wtvr, you are an exceptional storyteller. .and I agree with whoever nominated this for HOF.

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