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Thread: A Moment of Time

  1. #1
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    A Moment of Time

    A Moment of Time…….
    Elapses every second you take to think
    When cities collapse and reluctant children procrastinate
    And as of late, a moment seems to be all that remains
    To maintain claims before the greedy cheat us for our gains
    One day..you may look at your self…..wealthy and fortunate
    The next..a card board box on city street coordinates
    Too poor to sit among society, so you satisfy yourself quietly
    As a guy without a wife or female partner. This might be
    Your moment to shine or perhaps the moment of time
    When you realize someone's just ruined your fuckin life

    A Moment of Time
    Ah yes, how quickly it flies by

    Only time will tell…..
    How you’ll end up n whether you’ll get bucks
    So when it’s almost up, the worst you can do it let up
    I recommend you don’t test luck, let it come as it pleases
    Shit, knowin MY luck, time’ll run out right as I need it
    ^^Read this, and read it well..take advantage of opportunities
    Absorb the knowledge, grasp it or be in for a rude awakening
    Hear what I speak as these words leak from my teeth
    2 planes colliding with twin towers….less than 24 hours
    A carton of milk turning sour…
    Several hours after a storm begins and your frige runs out of power
    So imagine how long your final years of living will last
    Make use of the present, think about the future….
    And stop living in the past.

    There’s a time to relax and a time to get out there
    And guess what….....that moment is here.


    ~Tony B
    May 11, 2006
    Last edited by Tony Brown; May 11th, 2006 at 08:22 PM

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  3. #3
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    Very good, actually came to me as more of a poem.

    Storyline was fine, Truth was well kept. Though, I think you could of got more thorough with it.

    I'm a man who can appreciate another's art.

    And I liked reading this Tony.

    thanks for the link and keep writing.

  4. #4
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    uppin

  5. #5
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    c' mon, let's get some more feed

  6. #6
    Back By Popular Demand... ELEETE's Avatar
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    I agree with Anov this is to me is more of a song than poetry, I could hear me spit this in my head as i read it, I like the topic it was nice...

    "One day..you may look at your self…..wealthy and fortunate
    The next..a card board box on city street coordinates"

    Nice line there...Overall i thought this piece was pretty good...nice lyrics you could put to a beat...keep at it...
    If you get the chance hit me back on my piece...thanks peace...
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...03#post4441003

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  7. #7
    Black On Black Philly®'s Avatar
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    u poem ass nigga... lol nice shit tho.. shoulda put it in poetic scriptures...

    So when it’s almost up, the worst you can do it let up


    well thought out.. but try to use better vocab next time.. overall it was a good read..

    stay up nigro

    V/tony

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    to eleete
    actually anov thought it was more of a poem lol
    but still thanx for the feed
    ima hittin up your link right now

    philly, just read your SS battle. never knew you wrote OM's lol

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    yo,
    i like it, decent peice actually, glad to see an lll head droppin' some fire in the OM. nah meens. anyway, you could have put it in poetic scripture.. i think it serves it duty here. you had some ill multies, but it got choppy as a bitch at like.. 2 different parts. imagiry, well.. you didnt really need any.. ur more getting ur point across.. 'n which i think you did very well. structures whatever. all in all, nice peice man.. keep that shit up, your potential in this type of writing has much room to elevate.

  10. #10
     
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tony Brown
    to eleete
    actually anov thought it was more of a poem lol
    but still thanx for the feed
    ima hittin up your link right now

    philly, just read your SS battle. never knew you wrote OM's lol
    Nigga, read MY OM matches. Fucka philly cheesesteak. Just kidding philly.

    So tony, is this one of your first pieces? If so, then well done. Not fully up to par, but I gotta hand it to you. You're an inexperienced head who can write on a higher level than some here in OM. Yes, this was a good rendition of a poem. You had some thoughtful lines here that makes people think twice about life and their belongings. Tony you didnt do bad, but I can see you improving a lot more as the time goes on. Piece out.

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  11. #11
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    actually i have approximately 5 including this one. but that's 5 OM's spanning over the 3 years i've been on this site lol i keep saying ima stick w/ topicals but everytime i write one i lose interest :/ im going to join SS as soon as i get time and hopefully that'll force me to write more. btw thanx for the feed

  12. #12
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    upsedazy

  13. #13
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    bumpin this ish

  14. #14
    dead on revival soulstice.'s Avatar
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    nice pice with a nice story, flow was on point and this was an original topic as well... which is very good... the vocab was cool, and your structure was pretty opriginal, good poetic touch as well... my fav was the 3rd stanza, which had nice emotion and seemed like it was more real talk than a topical.... good piece here man...

    Hit up "Technicolor Angel" the link is in my sig

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  15. #15
    Banned Big C.'s Avatar
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    nice peice....the rhymes were nice throughout...
    flowed very well and structure was pretty even.
    topic was intersting and this was pretty poetic..
    i liked it..juist need to work on vocab..keep it up
    peace~

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