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Thread: I'm Supposed To Be A King

  1. #1
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
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    I'm Supposed To Be A King

    I'm a hopeless romantic, in the sport like i'm rusty
    She wanted tall, dark, and hansom, but i'm short, light, and ugly
    Plus my lips are crusty, trust me, i'm so half-baked
    There's plenty of fish in the sea, but i don't have bait
    I lack faith when i'm stubborn, my pride is a foolish move
    If I was color blind, you'd buy me a rubix cube
    Cause you hate when i'm complete, these dumb streets spin
    I'm like a gun without ammo, depressed for a good reason
    Damn yo, a crest fallen, the rest callen for the grand show
    There's a difference between being touched or felt
    Like The Sopranos, i'll buy you a dildo and sandles
    Cause if you don't like the sandles you can go fuck yourself
    We fiend for the green, we want more, more, and more
    But thou shall not open the door for a whore
    See it ain't about party songs so these hoes can strip
    That's why i put my foot up they asses, To prove Soul's the shit
    Would I be layed out on the strip, killed for my pride
    If my parents weren't strict, would I still be alive?
    See I rap so much, The vets say the boys is ill
    This goal fits my nasty flow, i'm like an oil spill
    Will I live the fast life, a nice dude with a whip
    Sayen today was a good day, I got Ice Cubes on my wrist?
    At this rate, who knows if i'll rock the stage
    I Blinked 182 times and forgot my age
    Nobody respects me, They only pity who's swirlen
    This kid's in the pen for stabben his girlfriend
    No question, an alcoholic who shouts and frolics
    You're browsen all this, but you can't teach Moe lessons
    I left bare footprints when I stepped in mud
    I realized you can't even trust your own flesh and blood
    That's why adults are cautious and kids are naive
    So I gotta ditch my pockets to put the tricks up my sleeve
    I'm like the dolphin that decided to chase the shark
    I'm impervious to love's pain; You can't break my heart
    Don't involve me in any bitch problems you got
    But it's a different story if you get robbed on the spot
    And these sluts need to plod when the hill's heavy
    Cause they mans beat and bruise them, but they still steady
    That shit confuses me, Does gettin' black eyes turn you on?
    Do you enjoy being a toy when this boy burns your arm?



    Girls better respect me, fuck fear, isn't it stupid?
    I'm not Humphrey Bogart, but here's lookin at you, kid
    Niggas better respect me, fuck fear, it's the worst, right?
    I'm not Jackie Chan, but i'll make the first strike
    And if I get a daughter, They better respect her
    Cause if I die while she's a baby, I may never protect her
    And if I get a son, They better respect him
    Cause if I die while he's a baby, I may never protect him


    For everytime I was rejected, A ghost with broken wings
    Would whisper in my ear: "You're supposed to be a king"
    My crown's invisible, but i'll toast to see it spring
    I'll travel coast to coast so I can bring
    The Hip-Hop knowledge and most of it will sting
    I can't be stopped, Not even by the host that hears me sing
    For every time I was hated, A ghost hopelessly would ring
    Into my ears explaining how i'm supposed to be a king


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post4431494
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...77#post4431577
    Last edited by Facts Machine; May 11th, 2006 at 01:13 PM

  2. #2
    dead on revival soulstice.'s Avatar
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    There's plenty of fish in the sea, but i don't have bait

    that was pretty nice

    That's why i put my foot up they asses, To prove Soul's the shit

    and that's the truth, lol

    this piece was chock full of imagery and dope flow, ill piece IMO, the mechanics were really nice, good flow, and the inners and rhyme scheme were reeeeeeeeaaaally good.. the wordplay was pretty dope, the line i quoted above was cool, and the overal topic was good. thats what gets most writers nowadays, unoriginal shit, swhy its hard for me to write... naymeanz? well anyway the final stanza had a pretty good refrain/hook type shit goin, liked the ghost as the conscience speaking to him/you.. the second to last stanza had a pretty cool hook touch as well, ive seen both movies...

    wait

    i just realized this piece was chock full of allusions, which is good and original, dope job with that

    ill nominate this for OMHOF once born putsit up like he said he would

    hit up "Technicolor Angel"

    thanx... (my piece'll be up in 2 minutes)

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  3. #3
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
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    Aight no doubt, thanks bro.

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    this drop was nice man. really great!. i liked how you dropped the emotion and multies and blended it VERY WELL together homes. i was realliy into this drop and really feeling it!.
    it was a great opener and killer closer. it was word'd and executed to perfection and with excellence as an asset man!.
    nice drop!
    keep it UP!
    Open Mic

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    Written Voices

  5. #5
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
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    more feed please.

  6. #6
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Awards Legendary Member PC HOF OM HOF PS Season champ SS HW Champion 25+ Wins
    storywise this was a very good OM, i liked the language and the multiple rhymes which added complexity to the overall language structure of this om. Imagery was good also, emotion was there and emotion is a fundemtal part of topicals so well done on that. Lastly, i would like to say that this was a very good effort at creating a specific atmosphere, keep it up.

    Commetns on the OM below, will be much preciated
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=291425
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  7. #7
    Young Skillz
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    Like wow..nice drop homie.....nice topic and overall the rhymes and multies were sick
    flow was nice and smooth...good job on that...vocab and complexity was def. here..also good job on that....this was a nice and enjoyable read...nice imagery..keep it up

  8. #8
    The Beat Of Philly QaaHolic's Avatar
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    nice flow and nice punches
    Wicked Wicked Wicked


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  9. #9
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
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    Word thanks.

  10. #10
    I dont know, I'm kind of back and forth with this. Sometimes it was very Slug-ish (Atmosphere) in the sense of usaing battle type wordplay to describe your issues with women and such... And I loved that. But then you would take it to far and the lines would get to casual to the point they were sloppy and couldnt be taken seriously. I think if you found more of a balance this piece would have been amazing. Like the guy above quoted, that "Fish in the sea/no bait" line, I really liked the stuff like that... But then you'd go off with like "crusty lips" and shit like that and it ruind the mood of the story and jsut killed the read. So, not a bad piece, I enjoyed alot of it, I'd just like to see something more consistant from you.

    I'd apreciate it if you could reply to the Abstanti collab:
    "Poemicoriginate"
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=291509
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  11. #11
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
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    Up again.

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