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Thread: Confessions of a Holy Man

  1. #1
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Confessions of a Holy Man

    Confessions of a Holy Man

    Our father, who art in heaven
    Hallowed be thy name
    Thy kingdom come, thy will be done
    On earth as it is in heaven
    Give us this day, our daily bread
    And forgive us our trespasses
    As we forgive those, who trespass against us
    And lead us not in to temptation
    But deliver us from evil
    For thine is the kingdom
    The power and glory
    Forever and ever
    Amen


    Father I have sinned, my heart is soiled
    As my blood boils, in turmoil
    And my nerves coil, in to a knot
    I forgot, thy eyes will forever watch
    As I rot, victimized in this plot
    I beg, that thy will forgive
    Satan’s work is intangible
    Unimaginable evil in the hearts of men


    The specifications, of priesthood
    Means that I should, be devoted
    My sugar coated life has imploded
    My skin is eroded, I’m devoted
    To sinning, my chosen path is evil
    People think that my word is
    Believable, unconceivable lies
    Disguise, the flame in my eyes

    The child was merely six years old
    Untold are the mysteries about to
    Unfold. I saw him, lust over came me
    This mere baby, became my joy
    My toy, his soul I destroyed
    I am the object of evil
    Yet also the idol of love
    as dark as coal, and as white as a dove

    Like a bee, I will only sting once
    This fake front, that disguises my life
    My strife, I’ll end it all with a knife
    My whole life has been speculative
    Packages of pain, delivered to my door
    No more will I look at children with lust
    I’ve sussed what it is I need to do
    So now I say good bye to you

    The cold, sharp knife, slices through
    I’m licensed to, perform funerals
    But now someone will perform mine
    Before I, go I have to let you know
    That child did not die, it will continue to grow
    I hope, that it’s life hasn’t been destroyed
    I am truly sorry for the grief I have brought
    Goodbye I love you, My God
    Yours sincerely,
    Father Macnamara


    Father Macnamara was found slumped over his blood stained bible
    The little boy grew up to be a renowned paedophile


    Sin will forever be among us
    But we can learn to fight it




    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...283#post4423283

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...289#post4423289

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  2. #2
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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  3. #3
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    nice emotional piece , i was feeling this all the way threw
    a lil simple with the wordplay but it was still good
    seem like this is something you could be actually going threw...
    i'll be looking for more from you ........

    can u return the favor and give me some feed on this

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=291126
    Battle needs Closing

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    ThaChampIsHere#1-vs-Roota


    OPEN MICS

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    my audio shit

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    .

  4. #4
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    something I could actually be going through?

    I'm a priest who raped a 6 year old child,and killed himself?

    it is obvious that you didn't read this

    I will not leave feed on your link,and I will be putting your name forward to Brix

    goodbye

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  5. #5
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    ok someone took there, "Look At Me Im A Pyscho Who's Trying To Be Cool" pill today... anyway feed 4 u

    the first stanza - well its the lord's prayer, and obviously i cant critique you on it, so good job and good creativity on using it, cool litle addition
    the second stanza - this had a pretty nice flow, it had a camarac-esque style, except with less syllablic mulites, the inners were good, and the vocab was good as well. the way you kept your lines so short really helped the piece intangible and unimaginable seems a tad bit forced to me though
    stanza three - My sugar coated life has imploded --- that was pretty nice line, and the flow seemed a little fast then it just slowed down, imo you should have tried to work in a last line or two with inners to help stop the stanze... good grasp on inners though, nice ness so far
    stanza fo' - this piece had a much better stopping point, and seemed basically correct, the last bar in this verse was my favorite.. "My toy, his soul I destroyed" that was proboly my least favorite, just seemed like a forced word usage... maybe use a thesaurus or reconstruct your verse
    stanza fizzive -this was a basic verse, no real major flaws or no real dope parts, only thing i could really point out is that you used alliteration well and that helped the flow a bit
    stanza 6 - first two lines provided a nice final opening, but it just became lackluster as it went on, rhyme scheme got simpler and less inners
    overall- good grasp on mechanincs, but yoiu used the word 'grief' too much, try a thesaurus, once again, trust me, they help A whoile fucking lot. go to dictionary.com, not only will the thesaurus improve word usage parameters, it'll imrpove vocab in a verse too....
    good piece, i'll look for more from you
    please hit up "This Old Tounge" thanx

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  6. #6
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    Hello there. Well I like the piece I'll tell you that. like the short stanzas though i think Longer lines would have worked better for this piece to make it sound more spoke word, which would make this piece more powereful. overall the story is hinted at but I love how it is substantiated by the last two sentences. Overall great flow and nice piece.

    RTF Please:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=250742
    Last edited by Syk.iLL; May 8th, 2006 at 06:41 PM

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  7. #7
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    aight word thanks for the feed

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  8. #8
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    nice peice..filled with emotion and excellent imagery...good flow throughout..very smooth read....topic was interesting and pretty creative..i liked it..vocab and complexity was here as well..good job overall..i enjoyed this peice...

  9. #9
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    thanks for the feed

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  10. #10
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