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Thread: Dead Reality

  1. #1
    Tha Burnin Sensation 2hot2handle's Avatar
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    Dead Reality

    In reality life is truly an art gallery
    Yet we divide artists into categories
    But existence is what we all share
    Although its the pain that we all bear
    We all swear, none of us is clean
    Shit unseen, tapped by corrupt machines
    Cancerous addition of problems multiply
    But government takes that and nullifies
    We distracted like we attention deficit
    The life we solicite comes back to visit
    Dead realities is the publics conscious
    Yet the attitudes are the most obnoxious

    Our emotions cancel out our goals
    We become arrogant sellin our souls
    The life that unfolds is ugly depictions
    So we conform to religion's visions
    Yet no one listens and they only hear
    But death is truly what we only fear
    Nightmares appear to us like schizoids
    Lookin behind our backs like we paranoid
    What's real? Questions with no answers
    No matter who you ask vets or amateurs
    We alone with no instructions given
    As I see buses passin by to prison
    Orange cars trail by seems suspicious
    I saw prisoners whom lost their wishes
    The connection of how the system screws
    Even if ya win the battle, its the war you lose

    A woman spilled her juice reminded me
    Matter of fact blinded me of life entirely
    This blood-like vision streamin on the street
    She simply just walked away in defeat
    Went along her day, we all live in fantasy
    Searchin for identity, we all in humanity
    But inhumanity is resemblance of death
    And the vengeance to deprive us was left
    When reality strikes we all bound to fall
    Cause we are the people that surround it all
    Schedules, meetings then rest on weekends
    As man met reality, weakened with no reason
    Flowers, tombstones, rainy sunday coincides
    The effect of what happens when people divide
    ...................Is when life died.....................

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    "I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

    - Martin Luther King Jr.


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    View this from last year^

  2. #2
    Tha Burnin Sensation 2hot2handle's Avatar
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    Last edited by 2hot2handle; April 30th, 2006 at 02:50 AM

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    "I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

    - Martin Luther King Jr.


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    View this from last year^

  3. #3
    Tha Burnin Sensation 2hot2handle's Avatar
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    uppin

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    "I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

    - Martin Luther King Jr.


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    View this from last year^

  4. #4
    Chemo sick Plexus's Avatar
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    Well the first thing i must say to work on 2hot is attention grabbing. To be quite honest it was kind of a boring read. It wasnt a bad piece at all it just wasnt very emtional nor did it have great imagry and it was kinda just bleh as i read it. You had a great use of vocabulary and take upon your topic. Flow was ok maybe add more internals into next time for a smoother read. Now it was overal an ok piece if youd work on grabbing attention some more youll be well on your way son.

    please return feed here
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=289863
    Monster's Ink

    2xOMHoF


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    Courtesy of: Elvis Freshly



  5. #5
    Tha Burnin Sensation 2hot2handle's Avatar
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    Uppin, too bad u thought it was boring but vocab is my specialty. I just write and if I like it its a success. I dont know about what to do for attention grabbing, but I just lay my shit out how it is. Im not purposely gonna change my shit to sound different or not be myself to please people. But thanks for stoppin by to feed me.

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    "I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

    - Martin Luther King Jr.


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    View this from last year^

  6. #6
    Soule
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    We have to collab. That's how good i think this peice was. Great every thing.
    Keep it up.

  7. #7
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Syndrome's Avatar
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    This sets all the events in a mind set you can visualize everything clearly.
    Nice multi good feeling Might want to strech the sentances can become hard to
    see the flow when they to short.

    other than that Great peice keep it up.

    Over all 7/10
    Step Up or shut up.


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    PM me if ya can add some graphics to my sig...

  8. #8
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    Yeah i was feeling this man... well done.

  9. #9
    Tha Burnin Sensation 2hot2handle's Avatar
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    thank you guys, uppin

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    "I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

    - Martin Luther King Jr.


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    View this from last year^

  10. #10
    Banned ghostflow's Avatar
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    this piece didn't really have good creativity, it kind of lacc imagry as well. the flow was simple but you used some good vocabulary, and good use words. butthe structure was real clear to understand. nice concept fams. butfams i think in the future tryto add sum imagry to catch ppl's attention fams....
    but peep the om in the sig

  11. #11
    Tha Burnin Sensation 2hot2handle's Avatar
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    uppin

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    "I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

    - Martin Luther King Jr.


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    View this from last year^

  12. #12
    Tha Burnin Sensation 2hot2handle's Avatar
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    uppin

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    "I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

    - Martin Luther King Jr.


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    View this from last year^

  13. #13
    Tha Burnin Sensation 2hot2handle's Avatar
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    uppin

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    "I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

    - Martin Luther King Jr.


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    View this from last year^

  14. #14
    BRB, Jumping Ship Baron Mynd's Avatar
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    Ive read something from you before, Im sure of it, it was more on the Political / American Government side though I think? I liked this a lot actually, not my usual sort of piece, but it was refreshing. Are you signed up for the Sacred Scriptures league? If not, what are you waiting for? Get in there!

    WORD P e r f e c t !


    RESERVOIR GODS


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  15. #15
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    first off 2hot...you gotta open with something special or attention grabbing man. you gotta nice voacb though...also your emotion was nice. i like the way you word your pieces and shit. But again the fact remains again you didnt grab my full attention til the ending...
    From the get go you gotta strike so i think you need to work on that a lil more but other than that this was a good drop from you homes...
    keep it up!
    Open Mic

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    Written Voices

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